The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 183-185

 

Day 16 !
Feeling great still, I have to focus this new energy towards my goals

 

Today I am a Hobbit!! Happy to have my journey begin again.
Currently struggling deeply with loneliness. My son is out of town, as is my best friend here, and because of covid and wildfires there's zero social life available. I'm doing fairly well staying motivated and busy--playing guitar, reading, exercise--but the nights are where it gets super hard. I nearly cracked again last night and it was pure grace that I didn't. So I am a humble, beaten down hobbit at the moment but I can still hold my head high, and take one step after the other.
Be well everyone!

 

Day 24 in just a few minutes.

 

One of my favorite quotes/moments in the book/movie haha. Good one.

 

Hey man! @til_im_free

Welcome back man and thanks for your vulnerable post. I think there's a lot to merit in it. Just wanted to encourage you on the journey, keep trying and we'll all get there eventually.

 

Daily checking in

Thanks that saves me

 

I think this is so true. I don't want to mitigate your business and sacrifice with being at seminary, good on you man @Gallade_Templar. I just recognize within myself that I have used my business as an excuse to not do the work.

It makes me very worried about when I go back to school myself and I'll be very busy. It makes me think there's a transcendence (for lack of a better word) with nofap that forces the individual to rise up and be more and do more than they originally thought they could. It's the first time I thought of this and I think it's pretty cool and somewhat accurate. And so extremely difficult haha.

 

Whelp! Here I am on day four. (three days complete)

Yesterday, I was a hairbreadth away from clicking on something that I should not click on. It wasn't directly porn (and that's the lie that got me to almost go there) however, I knew that it would more than likely lead to porn later. So, I remembered why I was doing this and went and took a coldish shower haha.

Speaking of coldish showers, I started doing those. I say coldish because it's not freezing cold but definitely not warm; it's like the edge of being straight up cold and it actually feels really refreshing and good actually!

I want to keep doing these sorta cold showers for now. Maybe I'll progress to colder later but we'll see.

 

Day 82, trod on!

 

day 43- elf

 

447 days SR
48 days no sex

Girls: yesterday the girl I was seeing at the gym,sensed I wanted to be just friends and somehow end up telling me she wanted to be just friends too. Thank goodness I didn’t have to tell her, she even cried.

Why I don’t masturbate or ejaculate
One of the main reasons I don’t masturbate is that when I do I feel I’ve been defeated by lust, I lose my face to women, I need to be in a high place energetically and psychologically to deal with women and life in general, if I gave in to pleasure it means women have the power of sex over me, I become inferior to their superior sexual power, which they already have, women according to eastern teachings have ten times more sexual energy than men and most of them can easily live without sex or masturbation for years or have sex for hours or days straight. I don’t like to be inferior to women this is a step prior to be dominated by a woman.

Also sexual energy is one of the most powerful forces we have if you lose it to PMO or being a sex machine you become weak and you need energy to do anything in life specially if you want to be a superior man.

I have dealt with so many beautiful and crazy girls, always trying to pick the most high quality one, I think a regular man will be crazy by now, traumatized or at least a little beat down because of this, I’ll be in such a bad place if I haven’t dealt with girls with a detached mind, seeing sex as meditation.

The moment I lose my streak it doesn’t mean just losing a streak which is just a number at the end of the day, it means that I’m in a mental state again in which appearances and pleasure cloud my thinking, not relapsing means a permanent fixed understanding of what sexual energy is.

Conclusion: NoFap needs to create a clear understanding of your sexuality and pleasure, aiming to destroy any relapses.

 

Day 19

"A day may come when the courage of men fails… but it is not THIS day.”

 

I think that that is my point. we all have choices. when we say we don't we surrender the power to someone or something else. My point is I can continue to choose to look, or I can give it up. it is my choice. my power, and I am making the decision here on out to quit

 

I heard today from a 66 years old that he didn't feel any aftereffect of getting covid jab because right after shot he went to play table tennis. Maybe the way to easy adaptation lies in light to moderate intensity exercise right after .

 

Checking in day 14 - tomorrow I breath free air in Hobbiton
Seeing a clear correlation between urges and stress and/or needing to do mundane tasks. The fear of the mundane and/ or of failure or criticism drives my brain mad with searching for those old deltafosb highways to dopamine hits. Reading a lot of the posts here talk about how to do alternative things like exercise and cold showers when the urges hit, but I think if the root of the urge is stress or neurotic fears, then breathing and slowing down are key. I just need to remember and put this into practice when the stress inevitably arises, myself.

The other thing to remember is that the urge passes - it goes away - even though when they are there I feel like I am eternally struggling with urges, they are not there all the time and they do pass and you do get stronger and with strength comes the temptation to be proud, and pride before the fall... and I will be back to square one. So both Lust and Pride must be battled every day until they are defeated.

Finally I read this today which was very very uplifting:

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it"
(1 Corinthians 10:13).

Thank you for reading this and for sharing this journey brothers, because we cannot do this alone.

 

Day 0 - Nazgûl (still for about 45 more minutes)

Technically I am already an orc, but as I said yesterday, 6pm cst seemed the best time to start a new life free from PMO, even if it is just arbitrary. I have been dealing with really bad insomnia the last couple nights, which has lead to me feeling overly tired during the day. Today was the first day that I have not had any urges in a couple weeks, and I now have decided that as much as I love you all and your support, I cannot get clean for all of you. Then I am just dooming myself to relapse. No, I am getting clean for me, and me alone. Pornography sucks the life out of me, and even if I have the opportunity to PMO, I am going to come on here (or post in my support group) when I am struggling instead. My coach said to only look at pornography on my laptop if I do it at all, and that is perfect. All I have to do if follow his rules, and when I am turned on, I will open my laptop and come on here instead of PMOing.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Glad to hear you're keeping strong my bro!