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THE INTERSTELLAR CHALLENGE !

Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by hoping_cannon, Jul 15, 2020.

  1. Mathman1994

    Mathman1994 Fapstronaut

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    Day 0 - I have not posted in a few days. My life has been a blur since getting the news my dog died. Thank you @Henryforward for your condolences.

    Since Thursday around 3pm, I have relapsed four or five times, and MO'd without P once, about an hour ago (though I set the counter to 7pm (or about 30 minutes ago) because I jumped right into the icy cold shower after MO'ing to try to break this damn chaser effect that has gotten ahold of me since I last posted. My grief is subsiding, but I am finding that I am rather short with people right now, and in no mood for conversation. All I feel like doing is sitting around and moping, but that only will amplify things and continue my binge. I finally folded my laundry from last Sunday after it sat in the hamper for about six days. I will do another load tomorrow, but I have no intention of letting dirty laundry gather on my floor all this coming week. Additionally, I am going to start making my bed in the mornings again so that I have no excuse to lay back down after getting up.

    I have been reading everyday, and I have been trying to write everyday, though I need to make a couple changes to part 2 of my book before I continue. I am about 30 pages into part 2 and I just introduced the main antagonist of this part (though I had no idea they would be the main antagonist, but the plot was starting to stall, and I needed to follow up on a thread from part one whilst making way to the ultimate villain in part 3. He is one of the heroes at this point, so I need to figure out how to have him fall by the time of part 3 and 4.

    I have been working with this recovery coach for porn recovery, who has helped dozens of guys give up porn. He has an interesting philosophy on things, one of which is that his system breaks down porn use in steps. Week one involves the individual living their life, if they relapse, they relapse, but they should not feel shame about it. Instead, they should make notes on what occurred during those relapses. Week two involves identifying a pattern in your use of pornography, and identify the keyword that is the most triggering/your go to type of porn. You can do whatever you want for the rest of the week, but you cannot search this keyword/type of porn. I am definitely feeling a little incredulous as most people I know say you have to quit cold turkey, but as I have tried cold turkey along with a whole bunch of other stuff that has cost hundreds of dollars only to make it a month or so, I am going to try this. I have talked to other men who have worked with him, and they have all stated that he is a genius and that they no longer have any cravings to look at porn (and for those thinking I have been fooled, I assure you I did a lot of research into this guy and he is a licensed recovery coach, who has, as he says, an unintuitive approach to things). If in the next few weeks things don't improve, I will reevaluate, but this is the last program I will try (it is actually the cheapest program costing $97 one time, for a 30 minute weekly meet, support, and some other benefits, so if this does not work, I am not putting any more money down, and I will try my own way.)

    Best,
    Mathman1994
     
  2. 40 days and 40 nights.
    Here I am.
    Nice to be free again. Keep going brothers it's worth getting up no matter how many times you fall. Keep getting up!
    @hoping_cannon How are you brother?
     
  3. hoping_cannon

    hoping_cannon Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Welcome Aboard!
     
  4. hoping_cannon

    hoping_cannon Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Good to see you in DAY 40. Keep going my friend!
    I'm doing pretty good since the start of this month though sometimes things didn't go well as I planned but later I realize all the things happened for good. I literally forgot when my streak started to be honest, I guess today is DAY 7. Thanks for checking on me, It means a lot!
     
  5. hoping_cannon

    hoping_cannon Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Keep fighting... We never gonna give up!
     
  6. thikk

    thikk Fapstronaut

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    Day 5 - DRONE CATCHER. Going strong!
     
  7. Revanthegrey

    Revanthegrey Fapstronaut

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  8. Mathman1994

    Mathman1994 Fapstronaut

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    Day 0 for 2.5 more hours.

    Today has gone better than it has since my dog died. I had a bout of inspiration last night, so I was up until 5:30AM writing, which was fine as I had nothing going on today, but after sleeping for 5.5 hours in the morning and another 1.5 this afternoon, I still feel a little loopy and I will need a good night's rest tonight.

    Best,
    Mathman1994
     
  9. Revanthegrey

    Revanthegrey Fapstronaut

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  10. Revanthegrey

    Revanthegrey Fapstronaut

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  11. Rocket Rigby

    Rocket Rigby Fapstronaut

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    I'm new here. Big Nolan Fan! May I join you brothers?
     
  12. Mexica027

    Mexica027 Fapstronaut

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    Welcome!
     
  13. Rocket Rigby

    Rocket Rigby Fapstronaut

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    Good day my brothers! Checking in. I am but a humble farmer, but I stand with you and I'll help any way I can. PMO has been a problem for about 10 years. I am 27. It has gotten really bad in the last 2, and I want to kick this thing before it gets worse. The coomer meme in particular scared the shit outta me. I'm sick of this thing having its hooks in me. I want my life back. Stay strong my brothers. Thank you for all the support!
     
  14. Revanthegrey

    Revanthegrey Fapstronaut

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  15. Rocket Rigby

    Rocket Rigby Fapstronaut

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    Good evening brothers. Urges are coming on, but I have stayed the course. I'm new, but so happy to be a part of this community. I used to think I was alone, and now I realize that I'm walking by many people dealing with this same issue. I'm actually thankful pmo took me to such a miserable place, because that is the motivation I am using to quit. Thank you for the accountability and motivation.
     
  16. Mathman1994

    Mathman1994 Fapstronaut

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    Day 0 - In fact, been day 0 for 6 of the last 7 days. However, I had this realization which I am posting here




    (Long post, excuse my profanity)

    In the last 7 days, I have looked at/binged on pornography 6 of those days including PMOing briefly after group today. I realized something in that PMO session:

    1) pornography is really weird. Like the scenarios don't make any sense, and when you tease them apart, they are downright creepy. For instance, who is the POV supposed to be? Obviously there is nothing intimate about pornography, it is just really fucked up.

    2) I have always had the "right"/ability to look at porn. Just because I am working with a new coach who emphasizes weaning off versus cold turkey does not mean I have any more freedom to binge than I did before, I just thought I did because in my NoFap recovery, I have been quite repressed.

    3) my coach says most men completely give up porn by week 8 of 12 (I am on week 3) and he acknowledges that not everyone is viewing that entire time. So if that is the case, then yes, I have the right to binge, but I also have the right to go no PMO, and if his program is more than just wearing out the addict so that they no longer like pornography (and I have to imagine it is or it would not have such a permanent basis in the recovered men), then choosing to give up in a "cold turkey" manner that acknowledges my freedom to go back, should be just as valid.

    4) So acknowledging the above, I can say "fuck it, no PMO" and I could easily be just as successful as if I said "fuck it, I am going to binge because the program says it is okay". I have a choice in the matter. As He-Man would say, "I have the Power [over pornography]". I am not its slave. It is my lesser foe. I am a mathematician, writing, teacher, and Christian goddammit, being a pornography addict is such a small part of me. Such a weak aspect of my life, and I have the choice. Of course I can look at pornography if I want to. No one took that power from me ever, I just thought they did and thus I made pornography stronger than me.

    5) My binging this last week has taught me that I have a choice in life. To PMO or not to PMO. I have always had that power, it just took me looking at myself in the mirror after watching a particularly bizarre video for me to realize that I don't have to recover. No one is making me. But I want to recover. I have the choice to relapse whenever the hell I want, but that does not mean I have to do it. I have the choice to go car jack someone right now and run over pedestrians (dark example), but just because I have the choice to do so does not mean I have to. (And I am getting as morally ambiguous as possible to prove me point because when I say "I should or should not do something" I am giving someone else's morality power over me instead of forming my own). I choose not to commit grand theft auto and vehicular homicide because I believe it is wrong, and I can choose to not PMO anymore because I believe it is unhelpful/unhealthy. I think my biggest issue was this concept of rebellion. I had spent the last week PMOing out of some sense of rebellion, and the good thing that came out of it is that I am no one's slave, least of all pornography.

    6) Lastly, we all have choices. We have always had our own choices and though others' words may influence our morality, we ourselves get to choose what is moral and what is not. Pornography might be immoral in some people's eyes, but we have to decide if it is immoral in our eyes or not. No one else can make that decision for us, and the problem is, I was letting others make that decision for me, and it took a week of binging on some hardcore stuff to realize that I am the master of my own destiny. Whatever happens is between me and God, and fuck everyone else...


    With that, I reset my counter to 6pm this evening. Not because that is the last time I relapsed, but because it seemed like a fitting time to change.

    Best,
    Mathman1994
     
  17. Rocket Rigby

    Rocket Rigby Fapstronaut

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    @Mathman1994, I really like the points you made especially your first. For me, it has helped to realize it's fake. it's acting. it's a screen. It's not giving you anything, and sucking your time/life and energy. I know all of these things have been said before, but I think understanding it deeply takes time. I think I am going through this for a reason. Maybe I was supposed to go through this so I could prepare my offspring to deal with these issues. I am single and have no kids, but maybe I will someday. Stay strong brother!
     
  18. Rocket Rigby

    Rocket Rigby Fapstronaut

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    MO'd this morning. No P, but I'm resetting my counter. I'm having a hard time pushing past a few days. Not giving up. @hoping_cannon please add me to the challenge. Thanks!
     
  19. Revanthegrey

    Revanthegrey Fapstronaut

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  20. Mathman1994

    Mathman1994 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you brother! It is weird what you can learn about yourself from a week of hard core binging (after months of just using softcore stuff). You realize it is not worth it. I am still on Day 0 for about half an hour (though going from my last relapse, I am on day 1, but 6pm cst seemed like the best time to start a new life, even if it is just an arbitrary time, I just know that every six hours, I am another quarter of the way through the day, versus the 4:15pm actual relapse, which does not divide the day evenly). I am a bit pedantic in that way, as I like order in my days, and though I do not believe in numerology, I do put a certain emphasis on clean parts of a whole.

    Best,
    Mathman1994
     

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