The Lord of the Rings Challenge

@EpsilonDelta

I think many elderly people do not have a strong immune response to the shot. First one was fine for me, aside from a very sore arm. I exercised after the second shot, got hit about 12-13 hours later with some pretty rough side effects. Fever/chills/fatigue, muscle aches. Arm pain was very low in comparison to last time. I was 100% after about 3 days, the first 36 hours being the worst. Rest up, drink water and take tylenol/advil mate.

 

Checking in Fellowship!

Day 211 free of MO. Day 283 free of Porn.

Quality of sleep was bad, but I still had a decent day. Productive at work, good workout and some deep meditation as well.

Stay strong!

 

Well

I'm a healthy relationships group through my health insurance. It's good. 2/10 sessions completed.

I'm starting to engage in more intense mental food.

The enneagram is talking about using anger as a driving force to do what you want to do.

This relationships leader/group uses swear words.

I was more assertive about stating my opinion and calling out a client on their non sense. They said all male literature is bad an no one should read it and just be themselves. I said I disagree and he went off. Told him to let people have their own way and not force his way upon them. He just tantrumed.

As long as I maintain my streak I know I'll continue to improve.

I scaled back my exdercise a lot last week. This week I'm starting to bring it back up again.

I'm wanting to go in for saturday training. I get pissed that my master will push us too hard and then I get hurt and he tells me to take it easy. . . . .

all the other students basically just take it easy even while he's pushing them so they can prevent injury. They've learned to work with him.

Honestly I kind of look down on them because I'm taller and more muscular than them. I think I might be able to beat them in a fight even though they're higher rank than I am just because I do know martial arts and I am stronger and more athletic than they are. Ugh .

I don't think it all matters though. The politics the drama the bull crap. It doesn't matter what I think or feel towards myself or others at the DoJang. All that matters to me right now is that I continue consistently training and moving towards my black belt while maintaining good health. All the spiritual enlightened harmony with the tao and all things will come. I'll just keep practicing . I won't let the thoughts, insecurity, fear and discomfort with the process stop me from continuing.

My client Charlie said priorities: 1. God 2. Me 3. My Kanojo

And hours later I thought 1. Martial arts 2. Me 3. Kanojo

Meh.

I can't say why. Martial arts are just more important to me than anything. I wish I hadn't listened to my mom when she pushed me away from them or gotten pulled into friend groups that discouraged me from training when I was 16. I was badass. I'd get up and lift and train in the mornings and in the evenings muay thai for hours at a prestigious MMA gym.

I was respected by some of my training partners and instructors. They invited me to train with the pro team for teenagers who they thought had potential to become professional fighters. I told my mom and she shunned me. She told me quit and don't do something so dangerous. I listened to her and tried to keep training. I made a friend and I became an alcoholic and a marijuana addict. For 11 years I was addicted. I stumbled into rehab and kept a 2.5 year sobriety streak. Went to my dads and relapsed when a shitty girlfriend pressured me to break my streak.

Things fell apart. I went to live with mom 2.9 years sober again now 1.8 years off video games 3 months off social media 19 days nofap etc. Living in my own apartment, job as a mental health therapist working towards a license that can make a lot of money with potentially. After 16 years of addiction, psychotropics, and going through extreme discomfort just to hold a job, sleep at night and not act on the thoughts of self harm. I'm finally actually training again at a dojang. Everytime I got sober the first thought I'd have when calm was, 'Well I just want to pick back up where I left off when I was 16 and hadn't ever used substances. Train martial arts.' I'm finally doing it. 16 years...There was a brief stint in there where I did BJJ for 3 months under the tutelidge of some people who won the most prestigious jiu jitsu tournament in the US maybe in the world even. I got a messed up ankle and shoulder and stuff. But I didn't mind. We were all jacked up and we were all still training. My mom talked me out of training and I left...again...

But I went home and told her to support me and care about me in all areas of my life. And I don't talk to her about martial arts anymore. Honestly I don't like to talk to anyone I know about it much other than the occasional client I'll mention it to.

It's a pain in the rear to be having to defend myself. Some guy was like 'Oh you're not fighting people full contact?' And I'm just like. Are you? I'm training. You're recovering from a shoulder injury and even when you recover I haven't heard you mention any plans to train or previous training you've done so....

Looking forward to learning about how to set boundaries and what to do when people say things that piss you off. I argued and stated opposing opions with this huge client over the phone for like 30 minutes it was so much freaking arguing and disagreeing.

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I hope to make money off investing. I will probably make an art therapy book and teach martial arts at some point. I have some big ridiculous dreams I won't mention. I don't mind if I don't make a lot of money on the book or teaching martial arts. It's more like .. . something that I just care about so I'll do it. I'll try to make money off it but if it doesn't come right away I don't mind. Achieving excellent in the martial arts and giving it to others is what I want to do.

Religion and spirituality are great and of course I practice everyday. But they failed me in gicing me that safety and confidence that martial arts offers. Same with money, women, friends, family, anime, drawing, singing, poetry, material posessions, carrying a knife. Honestly if I carried a gun I still probably wouldn't feel half of what I get out of regular training. Maybe some day I'd carry a weapon like a stick and a gun. But Idk I've been a risk for self harm/suicide since I was like 6 years old. So yeah...that'd be a long time coming.

This is my truth.

What's yours?

 

Day 5,

Keeping the dream alive!

Best to you all

 

28 days – The PMO forces were at your tail but you crossed the Ford of Bruinen, leaving them behind. The House of Elrond is in sight!

Honestly kinda depressed. This girl was checking me out and I wanted to talk to her on the bus, but I chickened out like I always do. My anxiety in this area is ridiculous. But even if I had gotten anywhere, I have pied so what can I do with a girl anyway?

I'm not sure how long it'll take to get over this pied stuff, but it sure makes me feel stuck that even if I were to overcome my anxiety and start dating I'd still have to deal with that.

 

Hello brothers
Checking in
Now I am Orc

 

Thanks brother

 

396 days

 

Amazing streak! Did you write your success story, I am curious to read

 

Day 5 complete! I did edge a bit around noon, but I knew some friends were waiting on me to go grab lunch, and I thought what an idiot I would have to be to choose PMO over that.

@Are-we-there-yet? I appreciate your words. I agree that staying busy constantly isn't a substitute for learning how to truly process our addictions: it's the same idea as pushing urges away vs riding them. However, I'm very fortunate to be in a nearly ideal environment to fight off PMO, so all those things I'm doing that keep me busy are also being tied back to breaking the cycle.

@Talz Don't let thoughts about the bedroom stuff get in the way of forging a genuine relationship! It's not like sexual activity is the only thing women are good for.

 

You are part of Oneness of life brother and the meaning of our life is in serving this Oneness. Can you imagine a tiny cell in your body thinking-I live only for me? I don't think so unless under drugs influence so and yo and all of us are cells in the Oneness we live in. This me,my thinking is a big problem creating separation between us and the Oneness of life. It actually allows us to do all the bad stuff because we hypnotized ourselves into thinking that what happens to us doesn't touch the lives of other people and nature around us. It is actually a structure of the cancer cells in the body which only take in without giving back and not giving a hoot about the body they live in.

 

I know it isn't the only thing they're good for, but it's just another thing to get my confidence down.

 

Thanks. Buckled down and did a full workout today, and got a haircut for some self care.

 

0 Days
but don't worry about me, I already got my sword back and started hitting the balrog

 

Day 186

 

80 days.

The side effects from the vaccine shot developed into a fever yesterday and I felt quite sick, but still managed to put in a few hours work. And no urges and no PMO, which means it was a great day in the sense that I took one step forward to Mount Doom.

Thanks for sharing your observations, guys! I think I'm already starting to feel better, it's been about 42 h since I took the shot. I will keep your words in mind if I take the second shot

 

Day 3 done

 

Day 2 completed

 

Entering the village of Bree! Day 20

“The board is set, the pieces are moving. We come to it at last, the great battle of our time.”

 

Day 17! I feel great.
Reading the Fellowship of the Ring is a real treat, first time I'm diving into Tolkien's words.