1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

I dont think I can do this anymore

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by DefendMyHeart, Oct 25, 2020.

  1. DefendMyHeart

    DefendMyHeart Fapstronaut

    There is, yes, from what I've read. Take rape porn for example. A young man with no real life sexual experience that watches this genre, his brain would wire accordingly and he would more than likely rape a woman he had a chance to be with sexually. Here's the real kicker too: he wouldn't even understand that it was wrong because the women in porn "enjoy it", so he would think that carries over to real life.
    Genres that degrade women, hit them, etc. Also make men think this is what they're supposed to do, and it is what women want. My ex husband used to spit on me, slap me, choke me, etc because of what he saw on the screen. When I told him those things were abusive, he was shocked. Now, overall he was an abusive person, but there was that small part of him that didn't realize it carried to the bedroom for whatever reason.

    There was a paper I read awhile ago that was titled something like, violation of the NAc when reward expectations were not met. Okay, the title was more scientific than that, but I don't remember the exact name. Anyway, what this essentially talked about was how an anticipated reward was either withdrawn or given at certain random times and how it encoded into the brain. Some of the participants were able to easily move along to another thing with little reaction whereas others became angry that they didn't receive their reward, which I believe it was money.
    What you're more than likely seeing with your son is a type of withdrawal. Even though he only plays for a short time, it is enough to alter his reward system to the point he wants more of it. It violated his NAc. If the stimulus was sugar, it could have the same impact on a child even if they only get a little bit every now and again. Video games are hard to keep from kids nowadays too, especially if they have friends that have systems. I introduced my boys to the N64 and wanted to just keep it there. Friends of theirs had PS and Xbox, and next thing you know, their uncle is granting their wish on video game systems because they asked him for it (knowing i would say no). I saw similar stuff with them when I would restrict their game time. They would have fits about it that would carry on for days and it would also transfer over to other activities as well. I wanted to destroy those systems..

    As far as video games themselves having a negative impact on how they view women, I would say it would depend on the video game. With Mario, more than likely not unless they allow him to kill Peach to win the game. Everything we come into contact with has the potential to program us on an unconscious level, which is why it is so important to be conscious of what you're exposing yourself to, as well as your kids. Even watching an innocent movie with a small amount of violence towards a woman in there could store in the mind of a child and come out later in some way. Look at this experiment for example: https://www.britannica.com/event/Bobo-doll-experiment
     
    Gina3111, used19 and MountainInMyWay like this.
  2. I agree. I've only been a few days without porn and I feel like a totally different person. Porn IS indeed evil!
     
  3. fadedfidelity

    fadedfidelity Fapstronaut

    Oh, one projects much and shows his hatred towards women with these cruel words.

    Maybe think about what you would feel like if you gave everything to a woman you loved and SHE was addicted to getting off to porn several times a day. So many big cocks on her screens and saved pics everywhere, plus private chats with other men, and she can't bother to make love to you because you can't do it for her anymore. She ignores the chores around the home and the children due to hours and hours looking at porn while leaving you to take care of everything. You now don't go out together and spend quality couple time doing the things you once loved. And then she ignores your sexual and emotional needs and wants-- she turns it on you for not being enough to get her wet and cum anymore. (Knowing full well it is nothing you did or didn't do and everything to do with her addiction.)

    Would you also blame the man for getting upset in this situation? Would you find a way to gaslight him and make him feel like it was his fault for nagging her too much? Maybe blame him for not satisfying her enough or looking muscular or handsome enough for her? And what if she had other other things "to offer as a human being" besides her intensely selfish, disrespectful, and betraying behavior? Is it worth staying for the woman she used to be and the one you wish she still was?

    You said the OP "has a serious Lack of empathy?? Who are you kidding? HIS behavior hurts her to the core. Women often stay too long because society raises us to believe we are caretakers and nurturers of others. We feel guilt by leaving and therefore sacrifice our own mental health to keep trying to help the addict. And mental health does have physical health consequences...so she isn't blaming him unfairly in that.
     
  4. *Yawn*. If you start a message with an unwarranted generalization, I'm not going to be interested in what follows.
     
  5. fadedfidelity

    fadedfidelity Fapstronaut

    ::Yawn:: Typical response by a narcissist. Of course you aren't interested in reading anything that points out the obvious. You don't want to change.
     
    Tannhauser and MountainInMyWay like this.
  6. Jonny1992

    Jonny1992 Fapstronaut

    753
    5,873
    123
    :::yawn::: I am going to bed, good night folks. Stay clean of porn.
     
  7. iamShinra

    iamShinra Fapstronaut

    Yo! you Hit a one Year Mark Lesssgo!!!!
     
  8. iamShinra

    iamShinra Fapstronaut

    This Is Insane! Didn't knew as a 17 yr old that people really do this irl
     
  9. iamShinra

    iamShinra Fapstronaut

  10. Starchild5x

    Starchild5x Fapstronaut

    41
    29
    18
    Exactly,I have "stress related weight loss" because of all the lies,deceit & heartbreak,incidently thats one of the things he finds unattractive,iam sure he thinks he'll be more attracted to me again if iam bigger,wish he understood it won't make a difference,stopping porn for good might!
     
    MountainInMyWay likes this.
  11. MountainInMyWay

    MountainInMyWay Fapstronaut

    116
    159
    43
    I lost a ton of weight too, stress related and self esteem related. I did so much bargaining back then with myself and even him (if only I looked like… if only I wore… if only I did…) - but over a year later I realized that’s what it was. Bargaining & denial… It didn’t matter at all what I looked like. I could be a perfect 10 and he would have still acted out because his head was sick and he was stuck in this evil and self gratifying/medicating rut. In my classes there are gorgeous models with husbands who have betrayed them. It’s totally the addicts. Not us. They only way they will stop is if they truly want to. And it took me some time and good therapy to figure that out. ❤️
     
    hope4healing and Starchild5x like this.
  12. Starchild5x

    Starchild5x Fapstronaut

    41
    29
    18
    Yes I think your right and iam realising now it doesn't matter what I look like because you just can't compete with porn! Iam sick of feeling not good enough & made to feel like iam stupid for even mentioning it,deflecting it back on me like his lack of arousal and intimacy is somehow my fault for been upset about it,he makes no sense.iam just wondering how long I'll feel this traumatised for and when will I decide to love myself enough to expect better and leave,how is there not programmes/documentaries on the stupid TV to bring more awareness of this massive problem,its crazy!
     
    MountainInMyWay likes this.

Share This Page