The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Checking in.
What has worked well lately was to redefine urges and to transmute sexual energy. So I should focus on that, practice it and stick to it (rather than switching to the old program)

Redefine urges - I would even say: welcome urges. An hour ago I did it, some thoughts triggered sexual ideas and a desire to go further (by fantasizing or by acting out). But immediately I recognized this and I said "ok, that's how it is. Hello urge! Hello again addiction!" (or something of the kind) and I relaxed. Of course that was done with a certain intention. It was my intention to stop and not go further and act out. But I didn't need to emphasize that, I didn't need to be strict, I didn't need to push away the urge or judge it in any way. I think I was just mindful and suddenly all sexual energy and thinking was gone. Then I felt something negative, as if I would get a headache. And again I said "ok" and I welcomed this new feeling. I was curious about what it was and I allowed it to be present. But as fast as it came it vanished too.

Fortunately neither the craving nor the slight pain I felt was very strong or persistent. However, I dealt well in the given situation. And it's good and healthy to review and point how I did it. Now I understand better and I can do it like this many times (again and again!) and even under much more difficult circumstances.

 

478 days SR
49 days No sex

Crazy Girl
The fitness girl I saw some weeks back, we talked a bit yesterday, I ended up telling her about having sex, I did it in a very polite and appropriate manner, also she was also implying it, I told her I got a new mattress and she said she want it to test it with me and spend all night together. Last week we agreed to have sex in a motel but she was not able to make it.

Taking all this into account and seeing her with such a high desire to have sex I told her to do it and she replied

-So you want to fuck me?
-Why are you so up front about it?

This was so out of place, we already talked about it and she was saying she wanted to be with me all night in my new mattress. I confront her about this telling her she was inappropriate and rude.

When she saw I was upset she kind of wanted to cool it down. But the damage was done, that is such a disrespectful manner to talk about sex, it shows what I was suspecting, she has some type of sexual trauma and she is not really into sexuality anymore. She thinks and said something like I only care about having sex with her and all men see her as a sexual object. She suffers from depression, she told me. So you can see she has some deep mental issues. Also at the same time she said I stopped talking to her because she is ugly, which is the opposite she has one of the best bodies I have seen in my life and I didn’t stop talking to her she was the one that did.

I let go the thing she said about her being ugly, which is nuts but the rudeness when talking about sex that I cannot forgive, so this girl lost her chance with me, I feel now zero attraction towards her, her mind is just a mess. Also if she shows this rudeness and craziness when we are just getting to know each other after she gets more comfortable with me the rudeness and craziness will be worst, whatever you see at the beginning in a girl it will continue to be the same if not worst as time passes.

 

30 days complete, my brothers. I am winning this battle. I came to Rivendell, now I am an elf.

 

14 days in!!! Just 1 day left and I'll become a Hobbit

 

You are right. I should have said, only I can choose to get clean. No one else can choose for me. We do live in a society and our choices impact others including our pornography use, so I spoke out of turn, but what I was thinking is that for so long I have been getting clean for everyone else and not for myself. However even if I get clean for myself does not mean I cannot clean for others too.

Thank you.
Best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 2/8 - Orc

I technically was on day 1 today, but 6pm hit and I am now on day 2, so there is that. I am very proud of myself for hitting day 2 because this is the longest streak I have had in over a week. I just have to remember that I have the power to choose. While I have blockers, I also know how to get around them, and while that might be risky knowing how to do so, there are always ways and excuses for relapse, but I do not need to take it. I am making the choice to have a clean day until my next check-in tomorrow when I will re-enact the promise.

I got my office key for work and spent the morning and early afternoon in my new office which felt awesome. And basically as long as the building is open, I can go to my office for some peace and quiet whilst still being around people in their offices. It is not as isolating as my apartment, but not as noisy as being at the University Union.

I start my training on Monday and that goes through the 31st, and I am really excited. While I normally look forward to the weekend, I cannot wait for Monday in this case as it means I am one step closer to to starting teaching.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Didn't even make it to the Inn of the Dancing Pony. Last night out of loneliness, I re-downloaded an app I shouldn't have, had one of "those" conversations with a woman, then got hit with the chaser today. Fuck I hate this. App is gone now, and back at day 0, but I'm really struggling this week. The loneliness is just hitting harder lately, and my small town is still mostly shut down so there's not much to do. It's easy when I have my son, but the off weeks... fuck. Just hard. Two weeks is a good streak, but not good enough. I am a man free of porn, and in control of his sexuality. These past two days are not who I am.

 

Thanks brother

 

Day 187

 

Day 25

 

Day 29. Elf tomorrow!

 

Brother, we are never really lonely because God is always with us even if we are ignorant of His presence. The feeling of loneliness is similar in nature to PMO because we are so used to be around our kind and our brains are getting dopamine and endorphins from socializing. You can see it in the term of streaks designed for self improvement and self discoveries which are very good for you.

 

81 days.

Felt much better from the side effects of the vaccine yesterday. More energy and managed to have a fairly productive day. Have a good weekend everybody.

 

still have a headache from yesterday and wondering if it is a returning symptom or something else....

 

Day 51
Today wet dream but, I am so happy as I have crossed 1/10th part of my journey. It is good achievement for me. BTW today I followed my overall routine in morning did meditation workout and then did my work. These things like like meditation workout cold shower must be involved in routine during rebooting otherwise it is too much difficult to rescue yourself from this evil vicious cycle. It has very strong force so we have to make our routine better and better by adding good habits and leaving bad habits like long sitting, staying up late at night, drinking alcohol and so on otherwise it is too much difficult.
And in the last I want to give advise to those who are beginners and can cross only 2 or 3 days or a week and still are fighting on that streak that please don't be disappointed and lose hope, the successful rebooters who have longer streaks they always reflect from temporary failure (relapse) so be strong if you fall temporarily then see and observe what you have done wrong with your routine or yourself (means with your emotions) so be emotionally stable try to resolve your personal problems and maintain your emotions because most of the times there is emotional related relapse try to avoid negative thoughts to calm your mind. Last very important point try to observe your thoughts when they come if it is good thought for improving your life then proceed it and think more about it but if it is negative which negatively impact your life most of the time sexual thought because we are addicted of sex so we must observe and say it is negative don't proceed it further and let it go by itself. So my brothers only thinking that I am going to quit is not enough, with that commitment you have to work on your routine and moat important on your emotions.

 

DAY 21 SATURDAY.

 

Day 3 completed

 

403 days high king
479 days no PMO, semen retention

 

Day 36

 

Day 21!

“It is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life.”