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Sexual crisis after breakup

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by EndlessRollercoaster, Aug 18, 2021.

  1. EndlessRollercoaster

    EndlessRollercoaster Fapstronaut

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    Hey there!

    I was in a relationship for about 6 years, my first girlfriend. A couple of months ago, she broke up with me. I am still not over it: we tried being friends, we still had contact, etc. Bottom-line: I did not allow myself to really process the breakup. A breakup after such long period ofcourse comes with a lot of emotional pain, distress, loss of energy, productivity, etc. But besides this, one of the major additions to my daily distress, has to do with sex. Ofcourse I miss her, and I get emotional thinking about all the fun times we had. But I am especially worried and emotional when I think of the fact that she will at some point, open her body for someone else: it is a fact, that the next person she is going to be intimate with, is probably not me. And that hurts. I am also afraid that her next sexual partner is somehow going to be better than me. In any way possible. For example, sometimes I tended to ejaculate quite quickly, and thinking that the next partner might possibily be able to last way longer hurts. It also hurts thinking that me personally, I don't really have a desire for sex with someone else yet. However, I do kind of feel the pressure to seek it as I do not want to lay behind when she moved on. I am also afraid of the fact that she is going to share things we developed and learned together with someone else. For example, I remember one time we bought sexy lingerie together for her and we had the most amazing sex. It hurts thinking she will wear it for someone else in the future. I am also afraid to move on myself, because I am afraid to ejaculate quickly with a new partner.

    All these thoughts cross my mind all the time, and the content is always jealousy about my partner having sex with someone new. I also tend to watch a lot of porn, and I personally belief it has definitely contributed to my obsession with sex, obsessive worrying about her having the most amazing sex life (unrelaistic porn expectations) etc. That is also why I put this under the porn addiciton section.

    I am going to quit porn, and see if that helps. To see if my obsession for these thoughts decrease, and to see if I develop a new image about sex that helps processing the idea that in the future she will be sleeping (or even has been sleeping) with someone new.

    Is there anyone who has been in the same situation, and would you be willing to share some tips?

    Thank you for taking time to read about my issues :)
     
  2. DohnJoe

    DohnJoe Fapstronaut

    My first relationship lasted for 3 years. I don't really think I felt the same way about the breakup as you with your situation. But when I met my 2nd gf, those thoughts and feelings you are talking about came to my mind. Like what if her ex was a wizard in bed, but I only had been with one person. Would I be enough to please her? What kind of things has she tried in bed? How many people has she been with? Etc... I was trying to compete with people who weren't even relevant to her anymore, but I was jealous that she had been in a previous relationship and had sex with someone else. When I would hang out around her and her friend, it seemed like all they ever talked about were their exes, and that just made it even worse for me. I eventually brought it up to her.

    Your situation, I'm sure, is a bit more emotional than mine since you were with her for 6 years, but your feelings are basically the same as mine. It took me a month or 2 after bringing up my jealous and insecure feelings to her, but I finally got over it. Why? Because I realized I was being childish and her exes weren't in her life anymore. I had no competition anymore, so why was I so jealous? Something you will soon realize is that EVERY body has a past and EVERY body will have a future, and you won't be there for every part of their lives. Just like your next girlfriend. Or your eventual wife. They will have had experiences that you've probably never had in bed, and vice versa. There's nothing we can do to change other people and their pasts, and nothing you can do about their future.

    You don't need to feel any kind of pressure to move on just because you think she will move on and find someone quicker than you. You need to heal at your own rate, and start dating again when YOU are ready. Trust me. I have 2 exes now because I was trying to race to find another girlfriend after my first breakup. It didn't work out well for me at all. It will take time for you to get over it, and you will think about her from time to time, but just don't dwell on what you think she's up to, or who she's dating, or who she's having sex with. Take this time to focus on yourself.

    Whatever the reason she broke up with you was, work to improve it. Work to improve all aspects of your life and be the best you can be for yourself and for your next relationship.
     
    Abel100% likes this.
  3. Abel100%

    Abel100% Fapstronaut

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    Estuve pasando x lo mismo que tú ..... amigo 9 años de relación .... pero hay q aprender a Aceptar y dejar ir .... Sin sentimientos muy fuertes .... y más cuando hay hijos de por medio mi caso..... Esto lo hace más difícil pero no imposible
     
  4. Free your mind

    Free your mind Fapstronaut

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    Woof.. Had similar experience..
    My first gf - I was with her for almost 7 years.. We both were the first sexual partner to each other.. But she didn't like having sex as much as I did (part of the reason I ended up in the porn hell probably). She found another guy (friend at first, then something more).
    I was trashed...thinking how she is now happy and want to have sex with him all the time and so on...
    My selfesteem was trash (yours is probably too). I believe that's the root cause of the problem.
    I was alone for a few years..but eventually found a girl with much more experience than me. We had amazing sex and she really enjoyed it, I could really see that and that boosted my self esteem and libido..I was on top of the world..
    I fucked up that relationship, partly due to my porn addiction and went down the rabbit hole of addiction after that..

    But yeah..time and another person is a cure for that. If porn addiction is also a problem, rhen nofap.
     
  5. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    Sorry to hear about your breakup. I think the best thing to do is keep yourself busy and don't do things that remind you of her. If she's going to have sex with other men, it is not something you have to think about. You are your own man have your own life. And who knows. Maybe you'll find someone better for you than she was. Best of luck.
     

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