Jagliana's Journal | An S.O's perspective

I think if you do the quiz/math it will get you to a good fit, it did for me.

 

Thank you, much appreciated, and much love and success to you as well.

 

DAY 1300: 08/22/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Workout.
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Last night, after a nice trifecta, we watched some TV and then I went to bed. I didn't get much sleep, I had to handle a minor incident with our little one and then I just laid there, staring at the ceiling. I had so many thoughts swirling through my head, all about that prime skank from our building, what he must have thought when he saw her there practically naked, did he stare? what parts of her did he slip on? did he fantasize about her when he went to take a shower? maybe he had an urge? what if he got triggered too? and how much he -for sure- prefers someone like her over me, any day of the week, without question. It was difficult to stop those thoughts (no matter how much I would have liked to) but eventually, I tired myself out and fell asleep.

Today, with my triggered state still ON, it took a lot of self-talk to convince myself to get out of bed and do the more intense workout, but I did. After my workout, I felt good especially since Wade ended up getting held back at work and a downpour began, so we couldn't walk. We had planned on running some last-minute errands before his long work detail began, but he is still stuck at work and the weather is only getting worse - I am not sure we will be able to do much of anything today. I guess it's a good thing since at home I only have to keep my "everything is fine" act up when the kids/y parents are around, less work than when we are out and about.

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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Pushed myself to work out.

 

Thank you for understanding, it is so validating. It is so difficult, the constant emotional push and pull of PTSD vs current events. Like, in my rational state, I know he is a changed man and everything is different now, but when a trigger hits or is weening off, the fears flood right back in, and the "well, what if? I was lied to for so long after all"... so all of the compliments not only fall on deaf ears but make me wonder if she were around, would he apply them to her and feel a whole lot better about it??? it's a lot and frustrating.

Unfortunately, moving right now is not an option due to work obligations and well, and lack of money for a big move. But yes, having all of these primes around has been such a hell-hole... not feeling safe in my own home or at the pool which I love so much, and always wondering if we'll bump into them completely ruining my day/days, ugh.

I just wish there was a off switch for these triggers, maybe one day, sigh.

 

DAY 1301: 08/23/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Alone time.
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Last night, Wade was tired so we skipped the trifecta. We did however talk about my trigger, well he did most of the talking. He told me that he knows I don't believe him but he has zero interest in anyone at this point, no matter who they are, he only wants and cares for me. That to him, I am beautiful, he desires and only fantasizes about me these days. That when he notices a potential trigger the only thoughts he has is worry, about what I'm about to go through and NOT how hot this other person is. He has a lot more hope than I do, that one day I will get to a point where I do believe him and will be able to get past any trigger... I really hope so, that would be ideal as I don't want to be with anyone else, but living with these [sometimes daily] triggers becomes insufferable at points.

Today, Hurricane Henri is still hitting us on the East Coast, but the torrential rain has subsided a little, so as he promised Wade took our girls on a daddy/daughter date to IHOP, while he has the opportunity to do so. I stayed home and am trying to enjoy a little me time/aka silence. Hopefully, the rain will eventually stop and perhaps we will make our way to the mall to pick up some last-minute things and our little one's design from last week. Soon, his work detail will start and I will practically be a single mom for over 3 weeks, including for the start of school - with two separate drop off and pick-ups, sigh ... can't wait.

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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Didn't shame myself for skipping my workout.

 

DAY 1302: 08/24/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Walk.
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Last night, after a wonderful trifecta, we continued watching the trainwreck that is 90 Day Fiance: Happily Ever After, the 'tell all'. Man, some of these people, like a lot of it has to be for show, but some must be true - hot damn! later, since our eldest was staying with my parents... we had an opportunity to have a little fun and it was great, I'm glad my trigger calmed down just in time.

Today, during our morning walk, we discussed triggers and other various recovery vs PTSD side effects and how certain things can our perspective. I am happy we are at a place where Wade validates where I am coming from and how/why I feel the way that I do. In the past, it was just me, myself, and I, but now I am finally not alone and I am so grateful that because of how far he has come in his recovery, he is able to hold my space, even when I am triggered and sometimes lashing out at him/giving attitude. Today is our last day before his almost month-long work detail starts, sigh, gotta make the best of it.

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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
That I woke up in a good mood.

 

DAY 1303: 08/25/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Catchup.
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Last night, I found our old wedding DVD, so we watched it and noticed so much stuff we missed before and it was funny to "relive" once again. Then Wade gave me a soothing hand and foot rub as we watched Bosch, before heading to bed.

Today, Wade left for his new work detail early, I got up too and started on my workout earlier. Then I began catching up on my online cleaning/organizing. Wade called me and let me know he got a schedule/post that he is really happy with and I am happy for him. These next few weeks my entries will be short, as I won't be going out much/aka encountering possible triggers. It will probably still be a high-stress situation for me anyway, with school starting, and having two different drop-off/pick-up points, and maybe bumping into certain people along the way. Hoping for a quiet day.

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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Worked out, even through my soreness.

 

DAY 1304: 08/26/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Routine.
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Last night, after his first day at his new detail, he brought home some food and we had a family dinner. Then, Wade gave me a trifecta that really helped the knot under my shoulder blade, I didn't even know I could have pulled a muscle there? hmm, lol anyway, we finished watchihng Bosch and now I am curious to see if in fact it gets picked up by IMDB TV? I never even knew that was a thing.

Today, after Wade left for work, I quickly put away the laundry so that I could relax after my workout. I did a new routine and it was more difficult, but interesting non-the-less. However, I burn more calories with the other one, so I might stick to that one. I saved a bunch of different ones, so that I could try something new everyday, as I will not be walking, esp with school starting. Hopefully, if the weather stays hot, I will take our little one to the pool, even with a heat stroke warning, at least for a little bit, so she could swim before the season is done. Then, I will do my stuff until Wade gets home.

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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Tried a newer, more difficult workout.

 

DAY 1305: 08/27/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Speaking up for myself.
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Last night, after the trifecta, we watched some Married at First Sight and analyzed it for a bit, before heading to bed so that we could get an early start, without the lag.

Today, I woke up in a good mood, Wade left for work and I did a new morning workout. I felt accomplished after, however, it was too hard on my knees, so I won't be doing this one again. As I was trying to have a peaceful morning, my dumb cousin posted something on his Facebook page, where he was trying to look smart and call "people" out for being naive. I know he was referring to me because I posted a comedy skit on my page, that he referenced and commented on. He gets off on trying to appear to be the smartest person in the room, so to speak. I was about to respond to his post, but as I was typing he deleted it, but it was too late, I had already seen what he said. Instead of trying to be the bigger person and let it go, I decided that enough was enough. I took the petty route and put him on blast on my own page, I am over it. Perhaps I shouldn't have, but you know what? it felt good, so oh well. Later today I might take the little one to the pool again, she had a good time yesterday but didn't want to be there more than an hour because there were no other kids there. Can't wait for Wade to get home.

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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Stood up for myself.

 

DAY 1306: 08/28/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Routine.
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Yesterday, because Wade has to work a different tour, he can not make it to the pool, however while the weather was nice, I wanted our little one to soak up the sun and water as much as possible, before the close of the season. While I was there, one of my triggers showed up, to my surprise without Wade being there, she did nothing to me. I did not get triggered at all, in fact, when she came towards me in the pool, her face made me jump. Anyhow, I do know that if Wade was there, that would not be the case, even though he keeps telling me that "yes, I would have ogled her in the past, but right now I have no idea why she is so disgusting but so was I". Granted, I find her totally unappealing personally, but the fact that he referred to her as "hot" when he described bumping into her last year, that is what continues to loop in my mind when I see her, but I am happy that as of right now, only when he is around - which is progress because, in the past, I would get triggered by her even when he was not around. Later, he got home earlier and brought home some yummy dinner, I did tell him about this. At night, we watched some more Married at First Sight, while he gave me a nice hand and foot rub... then we called it a night earlier.

Today, I tried a new workout again, it was okay but it still put too much pressure on my knees and back. Now, my pain with be doubled between yesterday and today lol, never-the-less, I will continue trying new ones until I find more that I like to rotate through. I have a feeling that with the upcoming drop-off/pick-up schedule, Wade and I won't be doing much walking together anymore, so I will need to make up for it with more intense workouts at home. Overall, my mood has been decent and calm for the most part these days, I hope this streak continues. Okay, now back to money management and digital organizing.

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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Got a lot done in the morning.

 

DAY 1307: 08/29/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Routine.
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Last night, my eldest and I had a long and frustrating talk, where I could tell she was just *in another world* and refusing to listen to logic and reason. By the time I left the room, I was full of rage and resentment. Wade was tired, so we skipped the trifecta. We watched some videos and tv, then went to bed. Wade slept, I was having shooting back to leg nerve pain), ended up tossing and turning till about 3:30 am, then woke up at 5 am, which sucked.

Today, Wade left for work, shortly after the little one was up and entertaining me with long-winded tales lol. I was so tired after not sleeping and in so much pain (esp knee and back) from the last few days of intense workouts, I decided to give myself a recovery break. Right now, I am so frustrated with our eldest for more reasons than would fit on this page and the constant, blatant disregard for our rules, that it is taking a lot out of me not to snap and having that blow over onto everything/everyone else. I hope I will be able to calm down, distract myself and have some peace today.

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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Containing my anger and resentment as best as I can.

 

DAY 1308: 08/30/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Sleep.
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Last night, my brother and his wife called, and usually when they call: I end up stressed and with a massive headache. They are currently en route to a conference one state away and plan to stop by for a day or two. They asked me if I would like a fun night, to relax from "life", and invited me to a boat party in another state, at night. Yes, brilliant idea, someone they got a ticket for bailed on them, so they wanted to give me the "opportunity" to pretend to be that co-worker and have a fun night out drinking with them. Anyway, hanging out with them is not my idea of fun, but putting that point aside, if I would go, I would need to pay over $200 for a round trip Uber - yeah, thanks, but no thanks. While I was explaining why it wouldn't work for me, his wife kept whispering "ugh, I told you she wouldn't go" in the background. They frustrate me to no end - they are selfish and never have to deal with my parents, they don't have children or any other obligations outside of work (at least for him). These days, a "fun" night for me is chilling out on our balcony, drinking wine with my husband. Wade tried to relieve my stress with his trifecta, which was so relaxing. Then we watched some TV before going to sleep. I actually slept well and only woke up twice.

This morning, our eldest has her HS Freshman orientation and my dad wanted to drop her off with me so that he could remind himself of the route, I was okay with that. Unfortunately, right when they are being let out, my dad has a doctor's appointment and Wade is at work, so I will have to figure out a way to pick her up. My dad wants me to drop him off at his appointment, then go home, then go back in an hour and pick up my eldest, come home again and then wait for him to call and pick him up, I was like UMMM no, I don't intend to drive back and forth all day, I do want to get home and eventually relax. Uber is the most likely option for me, Man, it's a pain not to have a spare car. After dropping her off, she sent me a message where; after reading it, she pretty much went completely against something I specifically advised her not to do, doing what she wanted to do, and not respecting me enough to listen. So, my mood is: DONE, I am done playing nice and accommodating her constant attitude and crap. She wants to only listen to herself, so be it. I warned her there would be consequences for her actions and this time, there will be - big time. Now, my stress level is sky high, I feel my heart pounding (I'm so enraged) and I have to sit here and control myself because I don't want to accidentally lash out or expose my frustration to our little one, who has been nothing but sweet all morning, but talking nonstop and wanting me to react to her game, etc - when all I want to do is sit in a corner, by myself in silence. I CAN NOT STAND THIS, UGH. I need to distract myself because I have to go pick her up soon and how I am feeling right now, I don't even want to look at her. So, because Wade and I were talking about money a few days ago, and he told me how impressed he was with how I was able to deal with our debt. "It would be so cool if we could pay off our bank loan by the new year so that we can start the new one without that hanging over our heads," he said. As my distraction, I took my computer and started calculating/figuring it out, and I am making it a goal to pay off that loan before the clock strikes on Dec 31st, 2021 at 11:59 PM. I don't know if it will actually happen, but I will certainly try.

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG FML. :-/

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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Did not completely explode on everyone, because of my eldest ruining my mood.

 

DAY 1309: 08/31/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

---------------------------------------------------
Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Morning Exercise.
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Last night, after a long day of turmoil, Wade did something selfish and it was all just piling on and on. I was so out of it by night time, it was like I was there physically, but not mentally. After the trifecta, I felt a bit better because it got me sleepy and more relaxed. After we watched some TV, we went to bed and I enjoyed the feeling of my new pillowcase, which was nice.

Today, after Wade left for work, I did half of an hour-long workout, it was intense and I have a feeling I am going to regret it by evening lol. Hung out with my little one for a bit, talked to Wade on the phone for some time and then my parents stopped by which usually leaves my head feeling like an inflated balloon. After they left, I took some deep breaths and began looking into some math for my new financial goal. As I was doing that, my mind kept wandering to something Wade casually threw into our conversation about another topic, initially it flew over my head - but after some thought, I wondered why he had not mentioned this at all since he began his new work detail. He started with some self-defense by letting me know that he didn't slip, wasn't triggered, etc BUT then got to the meaty part: that there has been a lot of triggering* women around him, all day, for days now, and that he thinks they are the type that would have for sure triggered me if I was there aka his words were: "all I could think about was, it is a good thing you aren't here to see them all". Normally, he mentions these kinds of things when I ask him how he is doing/how his day was, etc., but because he said that he is constantly driving and away from the crowds, I didn't need to ask him about it daily. I have had a lot on my plate these days, I figured if he wasn't mentioning that there were triggers around and reassuring me that he was fine and without incident (daily) that he wasn't encountering any triggers/temptations at all. I guess I was wrong and I wonder why he wouldn't have thought to bring it up at all, for almost a week now... hmm... sigh.

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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Keeping it together, mentally.

 

DAY 1310: 09/01/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) Being able to work out at home.
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Last night, Wade was tired so we skipped the trifecta, which was actually a good thing because I was still triggered/thinking about our morning conversation, where suddenly he told me about all the beautiful/triggering women that have been around him for days. We watched some funny TiKToK's together out on the balcony which is always fun, then we moved to the living room for a bit, before heading to bed.

Today, I did another intense workout, I felt great after. I decided to delete all of my calendar reminders to clean various spots around our place throughout the day and just take care of it all before jumping in the shower. This way, I could be done with it all and stay fresh all day. Wade has called me and told me he has been having a headache, I hope he gets to our car and grabs some meds, so it gets better, he has a lot more hours to go. Every time he calls me now, I can't help but wonder if it's because he has seen someone triggering and needed to call me so that he could have a distraction? It may not be the case and he might just want to talk to me, but... what if? my mind is filling up with wonder every time because I will never really know. Later today I am going to get the Halloween decorations out (early, I know but IDGAF! haha) and decorate our place with our little one, who is super excited about it.

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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Got a lot of "to-do" tasks done, before 8 am.

 

DAY 1311: 09/02/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) YouTube.
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Last night, Ida hit our area and some parts got bad; flash flooding, shelter in place tornado warning in New York?! we are okay thankfully... Wade gave me a really soothing trifecta, we watched some TV and Wade got into it with our eldest. In bed, we vented to each other about it. It feels good to be on the same page and to have someone to talk to about it; honestly, without shame or judgment.

Today, I woke up and my entire body hurt; badly, I guess all those intense workouts finally caught up with me. I still wanted to work out, but Wade told me no, I need to have some recovery time. At first, I felt really bad about it, but after some self-talk, I stopped shaming myself and decided my body does need a break. He told me that on his way to work he kept seeing abandoned cars; everywhere and it was eerie like a zombie apocalypse has started. At home, I was freezing my butt off, so I did the only logical thing and put on sweats and the AC in heat mode lol. Now, we are anticipating a visit from my brother, and his wife *roll eyes*. After ignoring my texts all week, my mom reached out to him and he said he did get the messages but was just toooooooooo busy to respond. Anyhow, the whole point of them stopping by was because "they missed the family and wanted to spend some time with everyone". However, they only plan to stop by for dinner to eat and then leave??? lol right... tell me you are selfish, without telling me you are selfish. I have a feeling this dinner will not go well, there will be arguments and drama, but I guess we shall see, I can't wait! *_*

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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Got content and stopped shaming myself for not working out.

 

DAY 1312: 09/03/2021

DAILY OBJECTIVES MET:

• My husband has been honest with me. ✓
  
• Daily talk with my husband. ✓
• Worked on Self-Care as defined here. ✓
  
• Currently Reading: Various
• Current Daily Podcast: "7 Good Minutes"

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Dailies | Self-Care Completed:
Self-care is not an indulgence. Self-care is a discipline.
Morning routine / Verbalized my feelings
Journal / Daily talk with hubby / Regulated my sleep.

Tony Robbins List of Basic Human Needs | Text explanation here / Sound.
1. Certainty 2. Uncertainty/Variety 3. Significance 4. Connection/Love 5. Growth and 6. Contribution.

What is "TRIFECTA"?
Back, Hand & Foot Massage.

3 Things I am Grateful for Today:
1) Self-care.
2) Healing.
3) School Postponed.
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Last night, my brother and his wife stopped by. It went OKAY* - no drama thankfully. Unfortunately, we do not have much to talk about, it all felt empty, I kept trying to come up with topics but it was like pulling teeth to get them to keep a conversation going. They even paid our home, Wade and me some compliments, which was surprising to us. They stayed a little later than I would have liked, but I kept them busy with funny videos since there was nothing to talk about. Right after they left, we went straight to bed.

Today, due to Ida coming through, the first day of school was postponed for clean up. I'm actually glad they pushed the start date back because it never made any sense to me, they were scheduled to start today, then they would stay home until the 10th! like what is the point of that?! start when you can keep the school open the next day lol. Anyhow, I worked out, not as intense as the other days but still a good workout. I am hoping to decompress today, although my head is already full, my little one has been talking nonstop for almost 2 hours. Don't get me wrong, she is adorable but there is only so much "noise" one can take lmao. I hope Wade is going to have a good day at work, hopefully without too many distractions***...

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What I liked about myself, today:
(I am trying to find one positive thing to "like" about myself and make a mental note of it, every day. No matter how small or insignificant)
Didn't let the scale get me too down.