Had sex and it went surprisingly well

As the title says, I had my first successful sexual experience since discovering that I had PIED. It was amazing and got better each time. I'm quite surprised since it was my first attempt since the experience that led me to discover NoFap and PIED. I made a few posts a while back that you can check out if you're curious about my story. I'll try to keep this post strictly about the things that I believe helped me along the way.

WARNING: I did not completely adhere to NoFap hard mode rules. I stopped coming to this forum because it was making me feel ashamed, anxious, and depressed...all things that do NOT help with intimacy. The only reason I am posting this thread is with the hopes that it will help at least one of you find some hope. I don't think that I'm fully healed from my PIED and some of my methods for getting to where I'm at may be considered "cheating" by some, which is understandable. However, everyone will heal differently and I respect those of you who don't agree with my methods. They might not work for you so take into consideration that every story is unique.

So, here's a list of some things that I found helpful:

Lifestyle changes I've remained consistent with:

• Yoga
• Meditation
• Breathwork
• Interval training
• Healthy diet

Mental changes:

• Talk therapy was a HUGE game changer for me. Highly recommended.
• Accepting the fact that I don't need be aroused by just seeing an attractive woman in public.
• Taking things slowly when first dating someone (i.e talking, cuddling, kissing, etc...)
• Communicate whatever issues or insecurities you have before trying to have sex. It relieves a LOT of pressure which will help you relax and have fun, which is what sex is supposed to be.

The mental changes list could go on forever so if you have any questions or are looking for advice, please feel free to ask. I can't tell anyone exactly what to do but I've learned a lot over the last 9 months and would love to share. Again, my goal is to help.

Controversial habits/methods that I used along the way: (Again, these may not work for everybody so please take into consideration that our recoveries are all unique to each other. Read with caution.)

• Tribulus Terrestris has helped the quality of my erections and libido. It probably won't fix you on it's own but definitely helps.
• Began M'ing about once a week on average. Also, I got a fleshlight. I believe that it helped regain some sensitivity that I may have lost from all the fapping I had done over the years.

All in all, I would have to say that dealing with my issues of shame and anxiety have helped the most. I still believe that porn can be very destructive for some, myself included. Therefore, I choose not to use it anymore. However, I also believe that addiction to NoFap can be just as destructive for those who just simply want to move on with their lives. There is no shame in whatever you decide to do with your own body, as long as you're willing to deal with the consequences (i.e PIED, DE, PE, etc...). We all reap what we sow. Just be kind to yourself and those around you. If you feel that porn is negatively impacting your life or the life of your loved ones, by all means, stop using it. Again, I'm not sure that I'm fully recovered but I feel pretty great about where things stand so I choose to focus on that and keep moving forward.

Please feel free to ask any questions. I'll check back for a couple of weeks but will most likely not be returning to this forum after that. Also, I'm not really looking to debate. My goal is simply to share my story...not to tell people how to successfully recover. That, my friends, is up to you as individuals with unique backgrounds.

Stay safe, be kind to yourself and others, and try to get out and enjoy the gift of life.

 

Yes, I have definitely experienced what you're describing. Sounds like what is commonly referred to as the dreaded flatline. Dark times indeed. It was a lot worse in the beginning but I've noticed huge improvements. I have had a couple of brief flatlines within the last couple of months but they get shorter and easier to deal with in time.

If you're feeling more energetic and getting your morning wood back, I would say that's a sign of improvement. Just keep doing whatever you're doing and you'll most likely heal with time. It's almost impossible to not get anxious because it's one of the worst experiences a guy could go through. My advice would be to make peace with the anxiety. Acknowledge it's presence, welcome it in, and allow it to go. Also, communicating with your partner about your anxiety or any other issue you may be feeling is vital. Most gals are totally understanding and actually find it comforting when a guy is strong enough to be vulnerable. For me, it relieved almost all of the pressure and made sex so much easier and more enjoyable. I took things slowly with my most recent partner and that helped develop physical comfort and trust. By the time we decided to have sex, I felt no pressure because a bond outside of sex was already in place. I've reached a point where I'm simply no longer afraid of failing because I don't place so much importance on my performance. Sex is supposed to be fun. Therefore, if I can't get it up or perform well, I'll just crack a joke about it or something like that to lighten the mood. It's OKAY to not be the hyper-sexualized male that our modern culture tries to to tell us we should be.

Even though 40 days is a great start, your brain will need more time to heal depending on the severity of your addiction. It sounds like you're already noticing some improvements though so just keep up the great work and things will get better. Sorry for the length but I hope this helped. You got this!

 

I didn't actually have a choice in selecting the therapist that I'm seeing. I have state insurance so she was assigned to me. I got extremely lucky because, as it turns out, she was also once a sex therapist. She has been great. She helped me identify a lot of my issues rooted in shame and anxiety. In particular, she helped me see how those issues have affected my sexuality.

 

Real life sex is different from porn for exactly that reason. It's REAL. Porn only gives dopamine. Real sex gives that and then some (oxytocin, seratonin, etc..). Furthermore, porn is not an accurate portrayal of how real sex happens for most people. It's meant for novelty, not actual human interaction. Real sex should stimulate more than just your dopamine receptors (if it's good). Porn will never be able to do that.

 

Sounds like you're already noticing that the "nice feeling" isn't as easy to obtain as it once was. That could be a sign that your brain is beginning to crave more novelty for it to get it's dopamine fix. I wish I would've stopped watching porn when I first felt that feeling.

By all means, listen to your body and mind. It's your life so do what feels best for you. There is NO shame in watching porn. However, If you notice your porn habits changing (e.g. more frequent use, longer sessions, seeking more intense material, etc...), that could be a sign that it's becoming an issue. Trust me, you don't want to know what it feels like to not be able to get aroused when you have a chance to be with a real life partner. It's quite traumatic.

 

I really like what you said about talking with your partner but not making it about pitying yourself. That's an important distinction. No woman is attracted to a guy that is afraid or overly dramatic. Communicate your issues but reassure your partner that it is not up to her (or him) to fix them.