The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 41

 

408 days high king
484 days no PMO, semen retention

 

Day 185 no PMO. Quarantine is over! It wasn’t awesome but I made it through with very few issues. Headed on a guys weekend today. Should be a good time.

 

Day 0

And that is not so bad.

Yesterday I had a day long binge. I’m using a time tracking app and it showed I viewed P for 3 and a half hours. At some point I thought about stopping but then I said, “what the hell” and drove myself on and on until I was PMO with a completely limp dick and still going.

I hate myself just a little bit right now, but not too much. I was not ready to make a full change, and I’m not sure if I’m ready now.

So I’m going back to basic. For start I’ve started “your brain on porn” again. And the “tamed” course on the YouTube channel "***".

I’ve fucked up yesterday but hating myself won’t do me any good and I do want to be better. So I must start over with the strength to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself the truth. Some part of me still loves porn. Admitting it would not hurt me anymore than pretending that it is not true. I love sugar even if I’m trying to cut back on it (and yes, I know that sugar is a real substance that my body need, and porn can be at 0 and I could still be happy).

So in the spirit of reflection and honesty I’m trying to understand why I love it so much:

1. For start I’m “good at it” it is sad, but my life is kind of a mass and I’ve been unemployed for two years now and this is the thing that make me feel like I can do it without any stress.

2. I am stressed. This is my go do thing to do when stress and the last streak that was 10 days had a feeling of building up pressure that I did not find other ways to break.

3. I don’t have a good hobby or outlet to get happiness in healthier ways. I really need to find something I can do to get flow and to give my life a little bit more meaning

I’m reading about porn as a habit and one of the things to do to break a habit is to find a way to break every part of the loop. Porn blockers and staying in public is one way of stopping access to the habit.

But I was thinking, do you have any idea how to make the “reward part” less appealing? I would love to hear you thought about it.

 

Day 8 completed, I am an Uruk again!

 

4 days

 

Day 12,

Had a fishing moment the otherday. Had all intentions of being "done" with P but when being as honest as possible with myself I realized that I'm not ready yet. I did not go into P or anything, I just realized that even though my streaks last longer and I feel more mentally stable I dont feel as though I am actually finished with P. Any similar experiences?

Stay strong Fellowship!

 

Day 15 --> Day 0
I could not resist the temptation of dopamine. It, however, was a good run. I'll recuperate. Let's try again

 

Alright! The first 3 days have passed so I can say that I am again on this strange adventure and see what I will learn this time.

 

Thank you. Genuinely.

 

Day 11, here I am. Nearly two weeks! Jeeze.

Had a fishing experience last night while lying in bed trying to sleep. It was a close one into other things, but I managed to get out of that and get to sleep. I need to be better prepared for the night, and get a good routine going. Normally I get on this site in the morning but I think I'll switch to the evening before bed. This will help me with Uni that's starting next week too.

 

Day 26!
“Home is behind, the world ahead, and there are many paths to tread through shadows to the edge of night, until the stars are all alight.”

 

day 50- dwarf

 

86 days. Keeping myself very busy with work and hobbies and it feels stable at the moment.

 

Day 23 !
I feel great and focused, should be at Weathertop by day 25 !

Keep going guys, the road is long but the prize is definitely worth it