Peter Pan Syndrome - I dont look forward for my future life, I dont actually want to continue living

@I Hate PMO I feel you bro! Why can't they just leave you alone right? That's how I felt at your age, and still feel now. Just leave me be and let me explore my interest at my own pace. But nooo you gotta move out, get a job, do chores around your home, work for a boss who's only life's goal is to boss you around, and kiss the asses of the bosses that are above him.

I despise the idea of working for someone elses gain as well. Your pay is extremely disproportional to that of who owns the business. Unfortunately the truth is, in order to live even the minimalistic life, you will need income. And you don't want to end up living in a bad neighbourhood so you gotta find a reasonably good paying job. Currently, I'm lucky enough to only have to work 3 days a week. That's right; I've got a 4 day weekend, every week, and I can still live a good life, drive a car etc. But that 'luck' comes from salary and you will need an education for that.

As some have stated before, you will NOT be able to get out of having to find a job, and do things you don't want to do, unless you win the lottery or something. There's no way out of it. Doesn't make it any more fun though. I'm just saying your best option right now would be to finish that education - very important, trust me - and live the minimalistic life so you'll be as little 'as bothered' as possible. I'd even say there's a positive thing about living on your own; women will be attracted to it and it will be much more convenient to live the life how you want it. Your parents won't ever have control over you any more. They will have zero say about your life from that point on.

Mind you though.. if you want a girlfriend, be together with her and have a family you will need many more of those Dollars. So you will need to choose. Another positive thing here; you're still very young, so you've got lots of time. No one can take away the reality of life for you, but you can alleviate it yourself by making smart decisions.

 

Of course you're not happy, how can you be happy when you got a million addictions? Start by cutting your addictions one by one, porn is the hardest one to cut out of the ones you mentioned imo, start with cutting out the one pepsi a day, do that for a month and see how you feel, slowly work to become addiction free in every sense.

While you're doing that finish your education, I realize now there is no point in asking you what you want, you can't know and you don't deserve to know.

The people who are able to live their passions are also ones who were grateful for the things they weren't passionate about.

Start becoming grateful for your life, things could be alot worse than they are.

 

Yeah addictions are obviously something that needs to be tackled, at any time. But don't we all have addictions of some sort, to some extent? Wether it's comfort food, PMO, video games etc. As long as it's all in moderation I don't see anything wrong with it. Addiction is obviously not good, over-consumption of anything specific never is.

Anyway I just wanted to say that there's no need to say that he doesn't deserve to know what he wants. I'm not sure if you meant that in an offensive way. I think it's something mentally with him that needs healing. At least I'm still in a situation like that. So with that said, harshness doesn't help. I know I could also be more grateful for what I have. But that doesn't lessen the burden of life. And who do we owe this gratefulness to anyway? I know I don't owe anyone anything. I am a free man.

But I agree with you that you need to know what you want. It will make you a happier person once you've got a goal to pursue, know what you enjoy and try to make something out of it. I remember when I wasted too many of my life's hours to gaming. I was running away from my feelings. I needed to process emotions, talk about them, I needed someone to ask me how I was doing when I got home from school. There was little to none of that in my youth, and from there on. And that's just a light part, nothing compared from the worst things I've experienced.

Not sure where I was going with the latter, but yeah, if there's anything that feeds an addiction, it's unprocessed emotions/experiences. But I can't confirm that's the case here, @I Hate PMO needs to confirm it, if it's actually the case.

 

I said he didn't deserve to know because it's true at this moment. Even if he knew what he wanted, he wouldn't be able to pursue it and he'd be ungrateful.

You ask to whom you are to be grateful? For everyone in your life who ever helped you, to your parents, to your country, of course imo God comes before all that.

The fact is no one truly makes it alone, we are indebted to the ones who've helped us, true freedom only comes when we either pay it back or pay it forward.

 

@I Hate PMO I had a time in my life when I couldn't stop thinking about death. It was a bit of dark time for me, I'm pretty sure I was depressed. Might be your case too. Do you ever discuss these type of things with your parent(s)? They're (supposed to be) your first line of help.

Personally, I felt like my parents weren't really helpful or compassionate (one of them turned out to be a terrible person to me), but if you've got good parents then that's definitely a plus. You can't survive this on your own, you need some support.

@Quezatolah I think it's great that you are able to feel gratefulness, wether a god is involved or not - I'm not religious at all - but I do find their message positive. At the same time though, I find it very unlikely that there is a god; he either abandoned us or there is none. With all the misery in the world, and don't get me started that everyone has their own 'path' and is being 'tested' differently, the truth is there is no mercy in this world and with every place on earth the mercy varies heavily.

Regardless of that, your message is positive, but you do need to keep reality in view, if not on top of everything else. You can be grateful for that person who gave you a hug, but if he stole your wallet while hugging you, are you still going to be grateful? The ones who are the most grateful, are often the ones who are happy with their life, but if you are unhappy, it's hard to be grateful.


Anyway, @I Hate PMO I think it's good that you cry, you manage to output your emotions which is very important for mind and body. Now just to stabilize. Your addictions will gradually decrease if you find and do something your passionate about. Kinda cliche, lol, but true. I've done a lot of weird, unhealthy and outright dangerous things I could never tell a relative, and am hoping to take it into my grave. But since I found a hobby that can keep me busy for days on end I feel less and less inclined to eat junk food, I PMO less, and I started exercising again. Even gave me a bit of a sense of purpose. You just need to dare to dig inside your feelings at figure out what's going on, rather than cementing them with junk food, for example. Because the feelings are there, they will come back - every time - and you will be patching that cement wall endlessly.

Expecting you to figure it all out today, tomorrow, or even months, maybe years, is unrealistic, but you can try to absorb the replies here in your topic, let them settle a bit and pick up on the good stuff that will help you change it all around. Of course this utopia thing is never going to happen in our lifetime, but we can try to make the most of it; it's what everyone else is doing and has done.

 

I think this comes down to having full ownership of your life, if someone stole my wallet for example, I wouldn't blame them, I'd blame myself for being unaware to the point something like that could happen without the person threatening me with a weapon, and I'd think of how I can prevent it next time, besides I most likely wouldn't hug people I don't know in the first place.

I think God exists, the state of the world is on us because God gave us free will and this is the result, but if you ask God for help you will most likely receive it.

Just keep in mind, God makes decisions with eternity in mind while you're only thinking in terms of your limited day to day existance, that's why God says not to rely on your own understanding.

What is most logical in any given situation will be based on your current level of understanding which will influence your choices, it's like an amateur chess player who can't understand the moves by a grandmaster, but the grandmaster has a much deeper understanding of the game, what is logical to the grandmaster is on a different level to the amateur because his understanding is superior.

 

I understand what you are saying. But you dodged my argument why god would allow people to live miserable lives. That seems rather sadistic than anything else. Of course you've got god's counter-part the 'devil', and both god and the devil represent our thinking; right and wrong. But the latter is undefined, and never will be defined. So that's why a god, devil etc. doesn't make any sense to me, as they both are clearly one side, while life as a whole is one big grey area.

Also, taking full ownership is one thing, but obviously not everyone - especially people like that thief - does that. If everyone did that, he'd put himself in jail. But that's not the reality of life, it's not only about thinking about yourself, sometimes, if not often you've got to take matters in to your own hands, and thus put others in jail. Of course, keeping an eye on your things knowing there are people out there is common sense - that's the reality of life.

Something else, but perhaps related..; To tell you the truth, sometimes I feel for perpetrators, not so much for murderers and all violence, but take scammers for example. a good portion of them operate from the most miserable countries on earth. If you've got next to nothing, and are earning less than a Dollar working 14 hours a day collecting plastic rags and bottles on a landfill at 40 degrees celcius, and on the other side of the world they've got everything, sipping margharitas on a flashy beach lounge in the shade, dang, I might go full on scamming these 'wealthy' people myself if I was in that position. It wouldn't be right, but certainly very appealing and often necessary to stay alive. So where is this all knowing being that's supposed to regulate all this?

But don't get me wrong. I certainly hope there is after life, a god, etc. for the sheer fact that death is not appealing to say the least. Not that an after life would seem interesting, a heaven with only the good stuff, no downsides, and that life, forever? I'm pretty sure it will become utterly boring after a short time and you are going to wish there was no after life! Especially since we all come from a life of total limitation, and thus the concept of infinity is unlikely to make any sense to us, if not drive us crazy. But that's just my theory of course, and I'm hoping to find actual evidence that a god exists, and I'm not talking about the one 'in your heart' because that's just the person itself you'd be referring to.

 

You are 23 not 43, at that age we dont think about fully diving into a career but rather just to sustain ourselves, like having a place to live or job or income to keep us alive independently.
Relationships come and go on their own , you dont really think about it .
Just focus on things you can control rather than those you cant.

 

It seems your main problem with God is that suffering exists in the world and if he exists and is omnipotent that he can and should do something about it.

However, there are two things you need to keep in mind, the first is we're sinners who don't deserve God's help. Any help we do receive is out of pure mercy because we humans are evil by default, only the ones who recognize they are evil and strive to live a morally righteous life can be good people, that is regardless of your personal situation.

The second is about free will, if God made us do things against our will it would go against the concept of free will, and because we have free we will be held accountable for what we do.

Also, this life is limited, in the grand scheme of things 100 years is a very short time to be alive and the vast majority don't even reach that.

I don't care what the robber does himself, I care about what I do, because I can only control my own actions, also if the robber took full ownership of his life he wouldn't rob people in the first place.

Poverty is the mother of crime, but poverty is a state of mind much more than it is a physical lack.

Anyways, that's what I think, and yes the devil is real, God allows the devil to manipulate us to do immoral things but ultimately we're responsible for allowing ourselves to be influenced.

 

I believe there are a couple of things wrong with what you just said. You say we don't deserve god's help. Yet, according to the books and the preachers, he created us. So it's not my fault, nor yours that we are sinners. It's his.

So in turn, neither can we be held accountable for what we do in life, right?

About the poverty, I don't mean to get personal, but I'd like to see a comfy westerner take the place of a person living in the slums of wherever. You'll immediately justify any means to get out of there, or get a better life at best. It will be very unlikely that you think to yourself "let me solve my poverty problem with nothing but good will". Rather you'll just start getting involved in criminal activities, or you need a serious portion of luck - such as being discovered as an athlete - it's either that or you'll just stay wherever you are now.

I just mean to say, it's so much easier to talk about how we all should be a good person from the comfort of our wealthy lives. Anyone who's got the time to debate about poverty on an online forum from a comfy chair or couch is likely to underestimate the troubles that a huge portion of the world has to go through every day. That also includes me.

And if you ask me, it might just as well be god himself that is the devil. He created us - and thus makes us suffer, by free will or not. Depending on the surroundings of where you are born and your genetics, and possibly sheer luck will decide how you behave in life.

I think by default we are not necessarily evil. But I think we do behave according to the factors I just mentioned and a mentality is created, and followed down the line. Of course, humans are self centered by nature, I'll definitely give you that, after all our main goal is to live, or rather survive if you will, in the most optimal form possible.

 

No hobby is useless if you are able to earn a living from it some how, this guys made millions from moving puppets with his hands, do you think he asked people whether what he was doing was useless or useful? no, he just simply did it and become famous world wide because of it.

check this video, I think you'll like it:

 

I am where I am thanks to God.

I know you won't be convinced by words but if you are open to understanding, I want you to ask God to help you with a personal situation you're currently facing, whatever it is.

Ask God sincerely to show you the solution, talk to him like you would any other person and see what happens.

 

Regradless where you are born, if you let that sink in then you already given up.
C'mon you dont have to be the next billionaire with an underdog stroy, I believe anyone can at least have a life but they have to try a little and not have a chip on their shoulder.

 

Do what you love!

So they say.

What do I love?

The heck I know.

To start, just find something that earns an income. Do the annoying things like making the bed, having a shower and cleaning the house. Become responsible at managing finances. Try things. Aim to do what ever it is to the best of ones ability. This best may very well fall short of another persons best. This is OK. Not one person achieves their dreams as a youth. Dreams are what get us out of the door in the morning to live in reality. Not one of us has a clue what the future holds. Do what each of us can. With experience we'll have figured something out. Sometimes a life event will occur which will shatter our past dream. Keep on moving forward. Keep on figuring it out day by day. At the end of it all each of us will have lived our life. A life we never would have imagined.