Can't abstain from P without M

Sometimes the urge to watch porn is so strong in me, but then I do M, the urge disappears.

 

Yeah, my girlfriend broke up with me and I cant forget her. So when I M I fantasize as if we were intimate again. I feel I have a soul tie with her that I cant break.

 

We broke up in April. I am still hurting.

 

Thanks, I appreciate your help and will try those exercises so I can move on with my life.

 

Do you think I should contact her again telling how I feel? Telling that I'm thinking about her every day and that I cannot forget about our moments together. I feel she has moved on and forgot about me completely. So I'm afraid she may end up hurting me even more.

 

I want to tell and blame her for things that I feel she did wrong to me. And I want her to know how much she disrespected me.
I feel I'm being torn with thought of resentment and love.

 

I don't really think I want her affection. I am in need for closure. And I want know what she is doing these days.
Instead of me pouring my emotions on her, I could start light hearted by asking how she is doing. And seeing her reaction, I will react as according. She will definitely be surprised I contacted her but don't know if it will be negative or a positive reaction. But I feel she will see it as a weakness that and therefore wont respect me for it.

 

I am thinking about her everyday, she is dear to me so maybe I should try to reconnect to her. All may not be lost. Her response could perhaps put an end to this once and for all. While I am undecided and suffering, I cannot start a new relationship.

 

New friend as in a a romantical way?