The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 1 completed, back to Moria Goblin

 

What is it, day three or so? I forgot, and I have been here many times so it got old-- but I'm glad not to be on day zero. I can take the advice above and use my entire reboot plan daily like I should. I am glad I was here to read that. I needed to fully realize what my reboot plan is! I am not even clear on that, which I would say is why I am relapsing so much despite working with a counselor and all of you on this habit. He encourages me and reminds me to do the whole plan and reminds me what it is, and then I come here and realize that since my last appointment I have not done so very much. Ugh.

Well, like I say, at least I'm not on day zero, and I can get so that I never go back there again. Wish me luck.

All the best. Onward!

 

Day 56

 

@RiseToGreatness May I make a slight correction to the original post? I'm not being a word Nazi, I think you'll appreciate it.
> 70 days You reached Amon Hen, a hill above the western banks of the Anduin. By royal decreat, you´re a Warrior of Gondor now!
It should read, "royal decree". "Decreat" isn't a word, as far as I can see.

No worries though, it's an amazing post and thread! Thanks once again for creating it and maintaining it. It's a lot of work, and we all appreciate it a ton.

Tolkien gets me through my days. The Silmarillion, so far, is great. I like the first two stories in the paperback version (I don't know what versions include these). They deal with the pantheon, gods, spirits, and of course those incredible immortal elves who know them. I love the lore of a creation story. I still think it is very interesting that Tolkien, a devout Catholic, talked in this paperback about the "myth" of Christianity. It makes me wonder about his take on his religion, but I do not want to get into a religious discussion here. I hope saying this was not already too much. Please, folks, let me know if it was for anyone. I'll take it down if so. Like I say though, Tolkien is helping me enjoy my days-- and nights!

 

So I did not realize until today that there is now a Nazgul status. I am glad to be past that once again! Those "day zero" days suck. For those of you on one of those, get up and try again! We can do this.

Onward, with heart and mind in tune!

 

again failed relapsed after 7 day but i will continue not break my spirit .......

 

Checking in Fellowship Friends!

Day 232 free of MO. Day 304 free of porn.

I have reflected a lot over the past week and I've had a breakthrough, of sorts . I've been looking at my own recovery in the wrong way. What I mean by that is, I was so obsessed with PMO withdrawal, (PAWs=post acute withdrawal) being the sole cause of my occasional recurring symptoms. Whether that be, anxiety, depression, anger, disturbed sleep, fatigue..the list goes on. This is far from the truth. Delving back, I realize that around 3 and a half years ago, for one reason or another(I won't go in detail in this post), I lead myself to a burnout. From that moment on, each time I would start feeling better, I would sabotage with a negative way of thinking, excess worry which would lead to more stress on the body and severe avoidance. The avoidance at first was affiliated with occasional PMO and daily youtube consumption. Over the years, down to last year between July and November, my addiction to PMO and youtube was at its worst. I destroyed my sleep cycle, which lead me to no be capable of exercising, my confidence shattering more and more as the days went by and I was avoiding any feeling of discomfort. Running endlessly until the symptoms were so severe, I had no choice but to stop. A slow learner indeed..Now since then, I realize my mindset is still not corrected. I still water the seeds of excess worry in my mind. When things go wrong, I spiral into a vicious cycle of over thinking. This, is my greatest challenge. This is what is slowing me down, in finally overcoming my burden. Replenishing my reserves from my burnout, all those years ago.

Last week, was a sharp wake up call. I have been going about it all wrong. I need to prioritize true rest , address and challenge my worrisome mindset, the overthinking and finally stop the perfectionist "idealism" in my day to day life. This part of my journey will be the most difficult, because this is what leads me down a path of addiction and avoidance.

Up until now, I believed my great adversary was external. All along, it's been my own mind.

I will probably leave this part of my journey, in a separate journal on this forum.

I would like to leave you on a quote, from our favourite trilogy. This is from the Two towers book:

"
-Gandalf: Receive it lord! In earnest of other things that shall be given back. But if I may counsel you in the use of your own, do not use it! Be wary!

-Aragorn: When have I been hasty or unwary, who have waited and prepared for so many long years?

-Gandalf: Never yet. Do not then stumble at the end of the road. "


Stay strong fellowship, enjoy the weekend my friends.

 

Day 46.