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Looking for inspiration that it is possible to stop MO permanently

For Fapstronauts who are disciples of Christ

  1. Rebooter2022

    Rebooter2022 Fapstronaut

    Hi. Has anyone successfully stopped masturbating ‘permanently’ (i.e. very long term) while in a relationship/marriage where the frequency of sex is not as high as they would like?

    I am trying to do this with God and am looking for encouragement and hope from those who have gone before. It is tempting to believe that if I stop M permanently I will always, or periodically, be miserable.

    For background, I was addicted to PMO for 7 years, then overcame it with God, got married, and was free of P and M for 9 years (20 months no P, M or non-nocturnal O; then 7 years and 4 months no P or M).

    Then my first child was born and sexual frequency dropped. I relapsed with PM. Now I relapse with P about once a year, and with M about once a month.

    The frequency with my wife may not be high ‘enough’ for me, but it is normal, at about once or twice a week.

    I want to stop M completely again. And I can’t. That is an addiction. Please don’t try to talk me out of this view; this is what I have decided to do. I am looking for encouragement from anyone who has successfully stopped P and M (nofap ‘normal mode’) permanently while in a relationship, not to be talked out of my goals.

    (I am also not interested in stopping sex and neither is my wife. Have abstained for 40 days before; been there, done that.)
     
  2. No P or M here for three years, as of tomorrow, Sept-12. Been married 21 years. It is possible. It was the hardest fight of my life. :) Happy to discuss details any time.
     
    Roady, Toni7, CPilot and 1 other person like this.
  3. CPilot

    CPilot Fapstronaut

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    I can relate to your situation with similar experiences. I know of a few people who have posted on this site who have quit MO for over six years and I know of one who relapsed after a five year period of abstinence. It is my conclusion that it is dangerous to believe that one can be cured permanently. The devil is always on the prowl seeking to ruin souls. It is said that he tempts those who are on a path towards heaven, he doesn't need to tempt the others, they are already his.

    As far as my relationship with my wife goes, she is the focus of all of my passion these days. However, it has been a good reminder to me to remember that her body is not my plaything. Also, the more I focus on building my desire for a truly clean heart the more I am able to treat her as God wishes me to treat her and all others.

    Sorry, I don't mean to preach. I can only relate my experiences in the hope that they are helpful to you. I cannot say that I have always fought the good fight. I can only say that when I focus on loving the Lord, through prayer and obedience to His will, the more success and happiness comes my way. I am praying for you. Please pray for me.
     
    Roady, Kemar935 and Keli like this.
  4. I have quit for 4 years and am married. 1-2 times per week is normal maybe even above average, depending on how long you have been together. Stopping M will not make you miserable. What do you think about when you M?
     
  5. CPilot

    CPilot Fapstronaut

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    I like rock music from the 60s, 70s and 80s and I have this genre extensively on my playlist. However, I must concede that as time wore on the music became more and more suggestive. Many of the songs, I have listened to for decades, I must now recognize put suggestive thoughts in my head. It is the same with so many modern media sources. The more I expose myself to suggestive lyrics, pictures and videos, the more my brain builds a desire for sex and the opposite is also true. The more I clean these things from my life, the less often I desire sex.
    Getting rid of some of these songs is like getting rid of an old friend but isn't freedom from the enslavement of this sin worth it?
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2021
    Roady, Kemar935, Keli and 1 other person like this.
  6. Rebooter2022

    Rebooter2022 Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the replies everyone, really appreciate it. I would love to hear details. I am 22 days sober and counting, by the grace of God. Hoping to get to escape velocity around 90 days and then to continue to walk in victory away from relapsing again. How did you do it?
     
    Roady and CPilot like this.
  7. One day at a time. :)

    Check out the posts in my journal linked in my signature. It's all in there. And if I can do it, then anyone can, because I am about as plain and weak and misguided as they come. God strengthens the weak and heals the sick.
     
    Roady and Rebooter2021 like this.
  8. CPilot

    CPilot Fapstronaut

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    By sheer number of years, I am probably the biggest sinner frequenting this site. Over 5 decades of sinning, I slowly, far too slowly, gained some insight into my behavior. I was led to rethink my numerous failed attempts to quit and I saw four consistently repeated mistakes. Now, when I feel myself slipping, I renew my focus on avoiding these four things.
    1) Failure to keep my commitment to daily heartfelt prayer with the Father. (2) Relaxing my determination not to dwell on any alluring image or person (3) Failing to store my device out of convenient reach when feeling vulnerable (4) I indulged in self-pity about something that didn't go my way and/or some heavy burden on my plate and sought comfort through this sin.
     
  9. Rebooter2022

    Rebooter2022 Fapstronaut

    The main thing I think is making it hard for me to maintain freedom from not just P but also MO (currently have 30 days and counting sober) is that I fear I will be miserable and frustrated all the time without MO, and happier if I have MO in my life (even though it brought me anxiety, shame, depression, disconnection......it also brought me physical relief for a time).

    So here is my fundamental question for you guys: Having stopped MO, do you feel better or worse than before when you were doing MO? Do you feel more at peace and happy or less at peace and less happy?

    The other thing I trick myself with is by thinking that because I am a ‘special case’ with such a high sex drive, other people can stop MO and be happy, but I can’t, I 'need' it. But I guess if you guys have previously been addicted to frequent PMO/MO (like me) and have stopped, I can’t be all that different from you, really, can I? .?

    I guess what I’m asking is DOES IT GET EASIER?
     
  10. I don't think I would ever go back to MO. My life is immeasurably better without it. It was once a daily (or more!) affair, but now the thought of it never even crosses my mind.

    It does get easier. In fact, these days, it seems a positively bizarre practice to me, even though I was steeped in it for decades. It just seems silly and perhaps a little childish.

    of course, I am speaking as a married man. Maybe I would think differently if I were single. But I don't think so. MO always led me back to P, and P is a poison I no longer allow any place in my mind or heart.
     
    Rebooter2021, Roady and Kemar935 like this.
  11. CPilot

    CPilot Fapstronaut

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    I echo almost every one of Tao's words here. The only thing he has written that I cannot yet equal is the fact that I still have occasional temptations. However, now when I am tempted, I look back at my list of four detrimental mistakes and I can see what I need to do to end the temptations and stay on the path.

    I will also add that I recall wondering if I too was cursed with an excessive sex drive but I can see now that the facts are PMO is a self-generating process that keeps sex on the mind. Yes, it took some time for the neural pathways that I had cultivated for so many years to atrophy but frankly, being free from a constant obsession with sex, is just another huge benefit of ending this addiction. My mind is finding the space and time to focus on other more productive things and I hope that I am a more enjoyable, interesting and loving person to be around as a consequence.

    I can't say how many days it took before it became easier to resist PMO. Biology is not physics so I expect we are all different but there is undoubtedly a range of days-free within which everyone feels they have turned a corner. Having said that, I still believe it is dangerous consider one is "cured". I feel I must remain wary and regularly seek God's grace through prayer to remain on the path.
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2021
    Rebooter2021, Roady and Tao Jones like this.
  12. So much better in every way. I didn’t even know the real me outside of my obsession with immorality. Don’t listen to the lies of the enemy and your rationalizations. There’s a better life ahead. Sadly many don’t ever see it. Don’t let that happen to you.
     
  13. CPilot

    CPilot Fapstronaut

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    I am trying to make it a habit to do a daily examination of conscience and I think it is helpful. My wife and I are in the habit of watching some TV together every evening. We tend to find a series we like and binge watch it. It occurred to me yesterday that there was an actress in our latest TV series who I found attractive and I was watching her too closely when she was on screen. I was a little disturbed to realize I hadn't recognized this mistake before. Yet, it was also gratifying to realize it and correct it by looking away and thinking about something else during this actress's appearances on the screen. Frankly, I think God still allows the devil to tempt me as a means to lead me to further improvement but also Our Precious Lord never allows me to be tempted beyond my ability to resist.
     
    Rebooter2021 and Tao Jones like this.

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