So Ashamed

Welcome darth. I'm with you there buddy. We can beat this. This approach works. Most programs focus on avoiding the porn, but the real problem is Fap. Focus on staying Fap free and the porn (and anything other than a REAL RELATIONSHIP) will just vanish. I promise.

Stay spartan.

 

darth, welcome, you are awesome to be here. 30 years is a long time, but not 31 or 32 or 40 as it could be. DO NOT be discouraged by what is in the past. Be encouraged by what is in the future. I was very ashamed also of my past which you can read about elsewhere, but that is my past.
Read as much as you can about recovery through these blogs and the videos at ybop. I feel for you, and will encourage you along the way. You have 2 days in the win column and that is awesome. When a few minutes go into the other column, get back up and keep on going.
Welcome aboard.

 

We all feel some kind of shame about the things we've done, the levels that this addiction has brought us down to. Thing is, shame is like the fertilizer that keeps our addictions going and helps them to grow and thrive. By letting go of the shame, forgiving yourself and by getting all of this out in the open, the weight of it all will feel less and less until finally it will become managable.

It won't happen overnight. It will be hard and take a lot of effort on your part. But with the support of others, you will be able to get a handle on this thing that currently has a handle on us.

 

Shame and secrecy kill. By being willing to forgive yourself and move on, along with being open with others about your problems, you empower yourself to change.

We're all in this together.

 

Spartan, you bring up a very volatile question of which is the worse evil, the P or the MO. Lots of posts already out there. Does the addiction to porn bring on the MO? or does the addiction to MO pull in the porn? Which is the stronger force? Do people have this uncontrollable compulsion to watch porn which leads to masturbating? Or do people have an uncontrollable compulsion to masturbate and pull out the porn to help their arousal? Maybe I'll start a thread under General to get other opinions.

My personal opinion is that porn is more evil and more of an addictive issue than masturbating. I think everyone's first step should be to eliminate porn from their life and then their minds (near impossible), and then work to eliminate the MO from their life. Many people need to do it all in one step to be successful.

Darth, welcome aboard.

 

See if this helps mate...

http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?3657-Is-Shame-Good

 

I completely disagree freedomwarrior. I think spartan hit the nail on the head - the real problem is masturbation. I had a masturbation addiction with devastated my life for 30 years before I looked at porn for the first time (5 years ago). This site is about no masturbation. Once that is resolved, porn will resolve itself.

 

That is very insightful spartan. This site is about no masturbation. When that is sorted, porn will be resolved too.

 

Speaking personally I was doing a lot of MO before P came into the picture. P allowed me to take my MO to the next level. After almost 40 years of MO I can tell you that it all goes together. The MO causes the chemicals to release, the P is only there to stimulate the action, or get the brain in "the mood". I agree with those who say defeating MO is priority one. It is for me anyway.

 

This is correct - I agree with you 100%.

 

I'd recommend reading this book:

https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

It worked for me, might work for you.