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Looking for inspiration that it is possible to stop MO permanently

Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by Rebooter2022, Sep 11, 2021.

  1. Rebooter2022

    Rebooter2022 Fapstronaut

    Hi. Has anyone successfully stopped masturbating ‘permanently’ (i.e. very long term) while in a relationship/marriage where the frequency of sex is not as high as they would like?

    I am trying to do this with God and am looking for encouragement and hope from those who have gone before. It is tempting to believe that if I stop M permanently I will always, or periodically, be miserable.

    For background, I was addicted to PMO for 7 years, then overcame it with God, got married, and was free of P and M for 9 years (20 months no P, M or non-nocturnal O; then 7 years and 4 months no P or M).

    Then my first child was born and sexual frequency dropped. I relapsed with PM. Now I relapse with P about once a year, and with M about once a month.

    The frequency with my wife may not be high ‘enough’ for me, but it is normal, at about once or twice a week.

    I want to stop M completely again. And I can’t. That is an addiction. Please don’t try to talk me out of this view; this is what I have decided to do. I am looking for encouragement from anyone who has successfully stopped P and M (nofap ‘normal mode’) permanently while in a relationship, not to be talked out of my goals.

    (I am also not interested in stopping sex and neither is my wife. Have abstained for 40 days before; been there, done that.)
     
    Akbarmagnus and Beekind like this.
  2. Bro there are people who have stopped masturbating for over 1000 days without even having sex one time. I think you can manage.
     
  3. Rev2.0

    Rev2.0 Fapstronaut

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    Well, I am a married man who hasn't had sex with my wife for several years due to her health issues. Up until January of this year I coped by taking care of myself, sometimes with P other times without. This January I decided that if it wasn't meant that I release through sex with my wife then I wouldn't release at all. So I'm going on no O for roughly 240 days now.

    What I would say is, you think you'll go crazy without O'ing and at times it's really tough but you really can do it. The bigger challenge for me at this point is mental. Questions like

    - Having not used the equipment for so long, will it still work if I ever do have opportunity again?

    - Am I losing size by not MO'ing for so long ("use or lose"; I've heard this happens with long term abstinence and that prospect doesn't thrill me at all.)

    - Is not O'ing taking away from my masculine energy and do others pick up on that? ("What a loser, you can tell he isn't getting any" etc.)

    That's the place I'm at on this journey but I would say overall for me it has brought more positives into my life than negatives. Hope this helps.
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2021
    safa61947 likes this.
  4. Rebooter2022

    Rebooter2022 Fapstronaut

    Nice! Good motivation ;)

    Hi, thanks a lot for your post, sorry for the delay in my response--I have filtered and timed internet access right now, which is probably a good thing.

    On the contrary, I’ve actually seen people saying that fapping will make you smaller. In fact what I’ve seen is a diagram saying that long term fapping will make your penis shorter and your testicles bigger and lower. I have no idea if this is backed up by science (I imagine there are very few, if any, studies about this…) but it makes sense to me and I’m happy to believe it. ‘Use it or lose it’... the tried and tested wisdom of nofap actually seems to be that if you don’t use it, you will get it. ‘The measure you give [to not fapping] is the measure you will receive [in being able eventually to have a healthy sexual encounter with a real woman].’ I was a virgin until I got married, and celibate in the PROPER sense of no fapping for 20 months beforehand, and everything worked fine :)

    Similarly, and I’m even more confident about this, I think there is nothing unmanly at all about not fapping--actually I think that fapping is what is most unmanly; that is to say, it is far more manly not to fap than to fap. Think about it... Deeper voice, higher testosterone, higher and more consistent testosterone spikes, more muscle tone, more self-control, more nutrients from semen being reabsorbed into the bloodstream, more energy for exercise and work, more joy, more confidence... What’s unmanly about any of that? From experience, not fapping actually makes one more attractive. And far from thinking ‘Wow I bet that guy’s not getting any, what a loser’ I think people will subconsciously be thinking and intuiting ‘Wow, that guy’s not getting any, and yet he has so much self-control over his pent-up sexual energy that he’s not even fapping, what a winner, he is really attractive.' So the danger is more now that temptation to an affair comes along rather than to fapping and porn. But also, paradoxically, I think that when one is not fapping there is actually less danger of an affair because self-control is already being practiced around sexual energy. Fapping is actually an act that diminishes self-control and teaches oneself ‘I NEED to release this pressure, I can release it whenever I want, I don’t have to contain my sexual energy to one other person’ which makes a person more vulnerable to temptation (including porn) and to infidelity.

    I get it about the wife having medical problems. That is hard. My wife has medical problems too which makes everything less frequent, sometimes non-existent for a time, and more difficult. It is hard. There are a few things I would say:

    1. It’s not an excuse to look at porn and/or fap (as you know). That is a wuss, non-manly move.

    2. I think sometimes the medical problems can actually be caused or exacerbated by the husband fapping and looking at porn. Like, my wife’s problems are in that area and started around the time that she found out that I had messed up with starting to look at porn again. Do the math. I’m pretty sure that there is a relationship-mind-body connection thing going on here, at least in my marriage’s case.

    3. If the fapping stops, though, that puts a new sort of pressure on the relationship. A good sort of pressure. If you’re not fapping, the medical problems might improve because of the reasons above, but I believe it also gives you authority to voice that you WANT them to improve. A marriage should involve sex with some kind of regularity, in normal circumstances. If it doesn’t, and partners aren’t cheating on each other by getting it elsewhere or by themselves, something has gone wrong and there is a legitimate place for a conversation about ‘How and when is this medical problem going to get better?’ and then maybe even (though I don’t know your exact situation so I say this with extreme caution) ‘Is this really a medical problem?’

    Those are my thoughts, anyway, from someone going through a similar situation.
     
  5. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    Well, there is one guy who posts on here who says that he views sex as a gift, he doesn’t know when he is going to get it next.

    so, if you just be happy and calm and look forward to your next gift, then they could be a motivation.

    also, if you read up on some new sex stuff? Maybe you could increase sex frequency to 3 times a week with, maybe like 2 days actual sex and one day oral sex. 3 times a week should be enough for any man, especially to make sure you don’t get too drained or energy

    Also, I’m single, never had a LTR before, but that’s just my thoughts off the top of my head
     
  6. Hi. As a fellow catholic, i would recommend you to learn about theology of the body. There are several books and podcasts out there. If you want my recommendarion, check out Christopher West and Jason Evert.
    They sure helped me.
     
  7. Beekind

    Beekind Fapstronaut

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    Try karezza sex.
    Lots of bonding n intimacy and less orgasms.
    It works very well but requires some discipline especially at the initial stages.
    A book recommendation: Cupids poisoned arrow.
     

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