I am so addicted to porn :(

Don’t look at it. Don’t edge. Touch your penis as minimally as possible. Go cold turkey. It’s hard but once you commit it becomes your new habit. Truly, after a while you don’t think about it.

 

Our society is sick, people that are not suitable for it are probably the healty ones, only a crazy can be suitable in a narcsistic society and to his hell money, based on competition instead of cooperation. There is a reason why narcisists go to high position and other people that can't adapt to this shit have to stay hidden in their home ...but for some reason you will always get the autistic label. I'm not refering to that user that said that but in general

 

Embrace feeling pain and emptiness. That is how you get out of this hell and grow.

 

I understand. Same problemes

 

I'm 22 and i have kinda same problems, but instead of desperate myself, I hit hard my spirit and start with Philosophy, Antroposophy, and discovered a lot of interesting things about our microcosmo and macrocosmo. After all our desperation to adapt to this society is just caused by a stereotype. Have a work, have a girlfriend, have an house...ecc...this is just a window that someone decided, in my opinion. I'm not say that we don't have to get a girlfriend, but our perfect life is just work, reproduce, eat, collect trash things from wish, feed your ego..this can't be all.
Is normal if you reach 80 years and ask yourself if you really lived. Honestly i can't live in a society that put Money and Ego first, it make me sick, really sick. and governaments does not help with their death brains.

I'm thinking one day i will find friends, if they really exist, but for now, it seem that there is not, i don't desperate myself about it, maybe is better stay alone instead of have fake friends, the one i meet, that abbandon you and leave yourself to your destiny (They are not Max Demian from Hermann Hesse book of course that come and save you from the oblivion). I know this guy that is a chatolic follower and try always to be good, but he never answer to messages and phone when i want to see him because actually was the only "good guy" that i know. So these are friends? I wanted to gi ft him some books i have about church and Iesus, but he never really cared and does not answer to me.
Another friend i gived him a bike for free, helped him, one time he had 0 money and i paid his meal (he gived me back money after months), give him books, he's mostly poor and dad abbandoned him and i wanted to help him, but he didn't allow me to be his friend, just a shape in the dark that sometime manifes to his eyes, a kind of Demian, but, unlike Emil Sinclair, he does not care about me, he go in hollyday with others. One e day i go visit him and ask him if he wanted to go to the monastry that is near his home (15 min). Nothing. This is impossible.

I don't help people because i want be just be their friend, i want to be clear. I do because i have an heart (or a soul-spirit), that poor guy really make me sad and i wanted to help him. I don't want nothing in change and accept the fact that i have a sort of curse, have a friend is secondary, this is what i learned, people can say what they want.

I would say a lot of things but i am really tired and is a bit late for more reasonament, so i will send this message i posted just yesterday about my situation hope it will comfort you:

(https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...r-whats-your-plans-today.317846/#post-3134689)

Today was rainy day. I planned to stay at home and do something at pc, and read. Is what i actually did but i feel shit stay home all the day so i exit with bike for 20 minutes with rain and wash miself like a tard. Existance is becoming hard, i want to be a writer but my brain is collapsing and have some kind of neurosis and my neck is always contracted. I hate work because money aren't a sufficent energertic exchange for me and then work make me sick, i feel bored, deconcentrated and sad when i work. Studying philosphy by myself, but have no friends so is not easy to pass this existance. My time outside is contemplating the nature and the clouds, go in bike, Run a lot and go arround the same places, but zero friends. Old friend never call me, and if i try to contact people, they refuse or they don't answer. I meet friends like every 8 months and then they miss me. I 'm not compatible with this society, Remarque after 1918 said that he was already old, he was just a teenager, is the same for me, we are old people for this society. So i shoot myself in the head but only spiritually. I was seriously considering myself a sort of ghost in their eyes.
I am sad because in this world there is a lot of people that stay at home all day and these people are mostly like me but i can't meet them because they don 't exit

 

Start with one day.
And then keep relapsing until u reach 90 days.
It may take u several years, but it is worth it.
Do pushups, run or join the gym.
Do meditation.
Love yourself unconditionally ( pleasure isn't loving yourself)

 

Hi @think with your humanity

You did very well posting here. Unlike you I only started to get real hardcore into porn around the age of 21. Like you I come from being a very socially awkward person. I didn't get my drivers license until I was 21 due to being too afraid to make the phone call to schedule for the practical driving when I was in high school.

Understand this, making this topic here and sharing about yourself was a very important step to becoming a more confident person. If I had of done the same at your age I'm sure I would have saved a decade of trial and error. Not one of us can do this alone. I went at it alone, kept every thing closed inside, and crashed as I approached 30. In trying to "get the girl" I reached my breaking point.

Right now set the target for the 90 day reboot. It is an excellent starting point. Leaving porn behind and become more sociable and confident takes a progressive string of positive choices. Some of us took decades to dig ourselves into an abyss so we can't expect the climb out to be easy. It's all one day at a time, one failure at a time.

Not one of us can exactly tell you what to do to become a "successful person". Each of us has a different path to travel in life. Value the connections you can make in the recovery community. You may never see their face but they will encourage you to keep moving forward. If possible, find people you can connect with in recovery in your area (Covid permissive). There's 12-Step fellowships like SA, SAA, SLA and other recovery programs like SMART Recovery. Many of these provide online Zoom meetings which are great if a person can not find anywhere to go face to face. A great thing about Zoom meetings is a person can mute their sound and camera and sit back and listen/watch other people share until they become comfortable.

Since you are in college I'm sure there must be some social groups you can join. Just getting out there is important. A person will never learn to be more sociable and make eye contact if they never get out there to socialize and make eye contact.

I wish you the best. You walking the path to a better life many before you have travelled.

edit:

PS

A huge help in recovery is helping others do the same.

 

After I quit porn, my social phobia and awkwardness gradually dissapeared. As well as depressive and general anxciety disorder periods. But It didn't happen overnight, for me it took 3-4 years after beginning nofap. It might go faster or slower for others.