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100 Cold Approaches

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by StoicContemplation, Dec 12, 2020.

  1. Don't feel bad about the online stuff, but at the same time, try not to do it.

    If you've never done a 90 day hard mode yet, make no bones about it:
    it is tough!

    I did my first full reboot in 2018 of 97 days.

    I used to come home every night, in a lot of loneliness, despair, sometimes
    thinking about suicide.

    That's because it was the first "real" dopamine rest I'd ever had, and I was 44!

    When most people nowadays want something, what do they do?

    They reach for the smart phone. Anything they want to see, know or have
    is right there.

    That's the problem in society now. Nobody understands that creating value
    is a painful process, full of waiting, which causes a lot of fear.

    The good news is that if you keep rebooting, and you stay in that pain,
    it goes away, slowly at first.

    The same mechanism that got us addicted to porn, tolerance, is how we heal from porn.

    Because no matter what kind of pain you feel, it can be physical, emotional, psychological, the body stops feeling it and builds a tolerance to it.

    So if you feel that kind of suffering, stay in it because it is healthy and it gets
    weaker.

    By doing that, you will become 10x the man you were before.

    And you are going to do it.
     
    Ghost79 and Reborn16 like this.
  2. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    So I see that my last post here dates from more than a month ago.

    I had summer re-sit exams and I basically have been sitting at a desk all day long for the past month and a half, studying and writing. One of the toughest periods of my life. I have to admit that I fell back into some bad habits as a way to 'motivate' or 'comfort' myself whilst facing the adversary of stress that studying entails (smoking, PMO, not eating properly). Evidentially, I also didn't bother doing cold approaches. Heck, I barely went outside...

    Now I actually opened up with girls on two occasions I had exams on campus. They were both simple (sincere) openers like:

    "Excuse me, is the exam for ____ here?"

    The first time (which is now more than a week ago), entailed a little chat with a female Spanish student (the course is in English so exchange students are enrolled). We talked a bit about the course. I asked her about the difficulty of the exam in the first round (I skipped it the first time). A female French student joins the conversation, kind of naturally since I'm also directing my questions about the course at her. Just a small chat with these 2 girls, nothing special. The instructor comes and announces that the exam will start.

    The second time was this weekend, when I had my last exam. I was waiting at the auditory. I was there alone and found that strange. A girl came and I asked her if she has an exam for course ____. She says no. Anyway, I'm sure I'm at the right auditory so we just sit on the couch waiting for an instructor to come. I show her my syllabus and I ask her "Did you had this course by any chance?". She says no and explains how she got her degree at another university and how she now studies for notary etc. I was super rusty here. I barely slept that night. Completely depleted of mental recourses. I do remember that I recklessly and randomly dropped bait about my exchange program and she was kind of engaged "Oh really? You managed to go?" So yeah, it was all'right for being out of the game for so long I guess. Since we are the only two persons waiting (wondering where the other students are), we look for another entrance of the auditory. Then we arrive where the other students are waiting. We can enter. I do the exam.

    So yeah, nothing glamorous. I guess it's not so hard now to strike up a conversation with a woman when the contextual circumstance kind of makes it easy and natural (contrary to doing a street approach). I will add them both to the current counter.

    15/100

    This thread does make me reminisce about the times where I did this more intensively... Being a bit overly obsessed with this did make me lose track of other things in life, like studies (hence the re-sit), but it was a period where I felt quite alive. Breaking out of the comfort zone. Facing fear.

    I will now jump back on the horse in terms of healthy habits. I kind of feel jaded because of the unilateral monk mode/self-enclosure and regain a more holistic and floushing lifestyle. Since I have some time on my hands now I can try to add more approaches to my counter.

    I also appreciate the comments above!
     
    modern milarepa likes this.
  3. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    OK I'm in haha. Dating is kind of fun. I will not have many approaches because I'm busy but let's role.

    This one is 3 approaches at the same time the same day. Like 3 weeks ago


    I arrived at the gym to the stretching room. Two girls were there.
    I left my bag and right away started to do some gymnastics.

    1/100
    -she:what are you doing-she asks
    -me: just playing around -
    - she: it looks like yoga
    -me: t has some yoga on it
    -she: I would like to learn some yoga, I'm going to search it online.
    -me: I can teach you, give me your number.
    - she gives me her number and she keeps doing her workout

    I was going to text her but she has a boyfriend so nothing there. Even do I taught her to do a handstand

    2/100
    The two girls left, then the friend of the one I had the number came back alone and started talking to me, she told me she likes to paint and I ask to see some drawings. She didn't have any on her phone, but said she had them on her laptop at home, so I asked her number to see the drawings. We hooked up some days later.

    3/100
    When I was talking to the last girl another girl came by nd started talking to us, the girl I hooked up left. We were alone, she started talking about my job, working out if I have a girlfriend. It was an easy thing but I don't like her too much, so I didn't go for the number or flirting.

    4/100
    I was arriving at the gym. This girl I've seen before asked me right away with a big smile if I could teach her to do a handstand. I said sure.

    Some days later I saw her arriving at the stretching zone, I said and asked how she was. She told me she had a bad neck pain after waking up and she asked me if I know how to get rid of neck pain, I said sure ans offered a massage, I gave her the massage and we talked a bit.
    She owns a bar, she is also very attractive. She looked at me with those eyes you know she wants you, but I think she as an energy of being domineering and also I don't like her job, a women all night in a bar with men. So I still went for the number but I haven't hit on her.

    5/100
    At the gym again, this girl saw me doingy movement type of practiced then asked me what I was doing
    - me: just playing
    -she : it doesn't have a name?
    - me: not really
    -she: it very interesting, I used to be a cheerleader
    -me : that's great, do some cheerleader thing
    She did some type of ballerina pose, pretty cool
    - me: that's cool
    -she: I'm a little stiff, it's been years without doing any stretching because of work and study.
    -me: what do you study?
    -she: I'm a lawyer.
    -me: that's great, I'm a physician
    -she: I always wanted to be a physician but I suck at staying awake at night.
    - me: what type of lawyer are you?
    -she: right now mainly working for influencer
    -me:really that is really interesting, which influencer.
    At this point we were sitting on the floor talking, she mentioned several famous influencers. She was getting ready to leave. I asked her number.
    We talked later on the phone, I don't like some of her personality traits they don't go along with me, so I leave it there.

    6/100
    Two girls were doing some exercises at the gym, I saw them and I laugh a bit because they were doing it wrong, one of the girls noticed and pointed at me
    - look he is laughing
    -no, I'm not
    - she: yes, you are.
    -me: well, maybe a bit
    -she: show us how it's done
    -I did, she asked me something I don't remember well I was focus teaching the other girl the exercise. But it was related if I had a girlfriend.
    I went to do some squats. I noticed they were leaving and I told the girl that made me the question to take a video of me doing squats after that before she left I asked her number. She gave it to me and said "goodbye my love" haha damn.

    I later talked to her also not a big fan of her personality so I didn't go further.

    7/100
    At the gym I saw this girl I haven't seen in a long time, I never spoke to her but we've seen each other regularly at the gym.

    -me: hi, long time not seen you
    -she: yeah I've been studying
    -me: what do you study?
    -she: veterinary
    -me: I'm a doctor
    -she: that's great
    -thanks
    I ask her what university is she going, the similarities and differences between humans and animals. At the end of the training we did some stretching and asked her number.
    We saw each other several times, for stretching, I liked her, but she's a bit crazy so I had to let her go.

    So this happened this past two month is a shame I don't have other places to practice cold approaching besides the gym but I used to consider it was impossible to do it here, but I'm starting to master it and enjoy it.
     
    Last edited: Aug 23, 2021
    StoicContemplation likes this.
  4. Look my friend. This won't work.

    Do this instead: when you talk to a girl, you have to get close.
    Put your hand on the small of her back.

    You have to get up close to her and be touching her.
    Girls don't want convo.

    Every time you do this, you are putting yourself in another friend zone.

    Like, all this talk! Dude, you are a liar. You don't really want or need her talk.

    When you ask her about science, she thinks, "This is all bs. He doesn't have
    the guts to make it happen. I need to move on."

    And when I tell this to dudes, they say, that will never work.

    Your next approach could be a success. You have to shut the heck up in the approach.

    You seem to try "game" or some kind of Q & A.

    It's not going to work.
     
  5. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    Well, there is different ways of doing thikgs.
    I hooked up with one, because I liked her. The others I wasn't so much into their personalities so I refrained.

    Why do you say it does not work, if I got the numbers? They continue seeing me. I dated several of these girls, but I didn't end up liking their personality. I could end up having sex with them.

    I have 100 more of this type of approaches with girls that have been successful. But 8n different scenarios.
     
  6. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    In this I'm the totally opposite of you I don't believe in approaching in a sexual manner or showing my romantic interest, I prefer a friend approach.

    I usually talk friendly to girls to the point of them almost asking me for the kiss or to have sex. Even do if I see the opportunity I go for the kiss or propose sex.

    But now I see we think in two completely different ways. And there is nothing more pointless and exhausting than trying to convince another person that what you are doing different than him could be a viable possibility.

    I had my fair share of sex with fitness girls, models, smart beautiful girls. And I never being friend zoned or anything like it.

    Let's see how my new approaches if I have the chance come up to. I'm really busy right now.

    But I prefer my success and my new approaches do the talking @LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself
     
  7. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate the insight and advice man!

    Crazy something seemingly normal in today's society can really be so far from what we've historically been used to. I feel some of the withdrawals you describe too. Just want to stay the course at this point!

    And you're right it seems popular or at least common to go for short-term rewards over long-term gains. So many people all different ages just go to their smart phone with any slight discomfort or boredom. You can't blame them with the marketing and group behaviour all the same.

    On that note it is all too easy to bury attention into youtube videos or general procrastination. Feels like I can easily waste my days if I'm clean but not productive either.

    I'm trying to expect the unexpected. If any shit feelings come up I try to think "okay here's another withdrawal symptom..." Hope to weather the storm that way.

    Here's to all becoming the men we ought to be. You got this too mate!
     
  8. Yes, if you keep doing that I believe you will win!
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2021
    Reborn16 likes this.
  9. ok brother! My best!
     
  10. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    all this happened today

    8/100

    I was at the gym doing legs, I sensed this girl was kind of checking on me, I was aware, other times I have missed good chances for being only focus on training, but I must, because I lift very heavy, good thing is I was almost done and also I was doing mostly accessory training at the end.
    I was close to the girl, waiting for a chance to talk to her, luckily she talked to me first something about a 10kg weights I think it was an excuse, the weights were right there, I helped her to put the weights on the smith machine.

    -me: are you new at the gym?
    -she: no, Ive been training a month
    Me:that is not a lot of time
    She: yeah, I was being a bit sedentary

    She started to do her set, I did mine
    Between sets I told her

    -me: legs is the worst day for guys.
    - she:I did legs yesterday
    -me: then why are you doing squats
    She: its glutes day.I put less weight, because it hurts my neck a little
    Me: where?
    She: she pointed at her neck
    Me: show me with one finger
    She pointed close to one side of her trapezius.
    Me: yeah maybe it’s the pressure, sometimes if you put it on your bone it can hurt, but not this time.

    I did my set. She asked the trainer another exercise.
    She wasn’t doing it very well, the trainer, I believed kind of saw I was hitting on her and helped me a little

    “ look at the girl if she is doing the exercise right.”
    btw the trainer is a girl, a male trainer would not do this they want and believe all girls are for them only. very jelaous when you approach a girl. this happens in many gyms where I live.
    I helped her, also it involved the glutes so I touched her above the butt and a little her butt to have more awareness of the glute involvement. I don’t like to touch that much such a private area this fast but is really helpful to understand the exercise. I did my set and then she told me about her job and that she was going to visit her mother.

    After the 4 sets she waved at me with her hand to say good bye. It took me off guard she only did 3 exercises in all her training, I had to go out the gym to the streets and ask for her name and number. I texted afterwards she seems like a nice girl, good personality and very attractive. If i knew sha was leaving that soon I would have asked her number sooner.

    9/100
    After the girl left ,I saw this other girl had some strange adhesive tape on her knee, I was curious and asked her what it was she told me she has some pain in her knee , I saw she has a tattoo close to her knee and I asked her about it.

    -me: it looks very good, you never go out to the sun
    -she: no, I don’t

    I had an elastic bandage on my bag I gave it to her, she didn’t know how to use it, so I put it on her knee. She thank me and said,” thanks baby”. I don’t really like her face, she has a good body but not the face, so I didn’t go for the number, I don’t want to be seen as I hit every girl at the gym. But I wanted to practice approaching, that is why I talked to her, also not everything is about hitting on girls, making friends is also a good thing.


    Extras: this is texting so it doesn’t count on cold approach.
    -a girl I dated some time back texted me, we haven’t talk in a while it surprised me. She is really hot, but bad in bed we only had sex once, I didn’t like it too much, so I didn’t continue with her, also her personality is not so pleasant. But damm she is hot. Probably in some days I’ll come back to my senses and simply I’ll ignore her.

    - I flirted a little with the dentist assistant, I don’t know how her face look, without the mask so I’m not sure if hitting on her, also I don’t know her at all.
     
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  11. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    483 days SR
    54 days no sex


    Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone I know I know I know I know I’m going to leave the young thing alone but ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone – Bill Withers

    A new date, old friends looking old
    I texted today the new gym girl I cold approached yesterday to meet up to do some abs at the gym.

    -she: I hate doing abs
    -me: me too, only do it with someone else.

    She told me she was almost going to the gym. I told her I was going to be in the stretching room doing yoga. I find an easy gym date is to tell the girls to do abs and stretching, I don’t like to train with girls, also I train like a savage so I’m not very friendly when training but abs and yoga is a perfect opportunity to talk and touch each other.

    I went to the gym I did some movement practice and also I was talking with some dudes at the weight section, they are almost my age but look 10 years older than me, they like to party, drugs, have a lot of sex, I know one of them since childhood he used to look more fit, better genetics and more handsome than me. Now he doesn’t come even close to my physique, strength, energy or looks. Even do he always trains, but likes to party. I have never been to a party in my life and I don’t drink, know I can see all the effects a healthy life gives you.

    I forgot about the girl tbh, I get in the zone when I train.
    The girl texted me

    -she: you didn’t go to the gym right
    -me: yes, I’m right here
    -She: hmm I went to check on you and you weren’t where you told me you were gonna be.
    -me: maybe I was helping a friend in the weight room. It’s a shame do. I guess now we’ll have to see each other outside the gym. There’s no other way.
    -She: hahahaha ok that is fine with me.
    -Me: when are you free?
    -She: right now I have to work the afternoon part of the night shift and I only have free time in the morning and is really hard to have any time for anything, how about when I start the half day shift we go out, is that ok?
    -Me: sure, it’s great you still go to the gym even with that hard shift. I will see you tomorrow at the gym. Have a great day, hug.
    She: I would like that, great day to you too.
     
    StoicContemplation likes this.
  12. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    So I did a bicycle trip and visited a small Dutch city. Did I do 'daygame' there? Now if your understanding of daygame is giving girls compliments followed by some flirty chats, then the answer is negative. If facing fear and opening up with a girl can be deemed as an approach however, then I guess I can say that I did 'daygame'.

    There weren't much targets in this city, it's kind of a touristic place. The two main streets were a bit too crowded to do cold approaches. I opened up with a girl asking where I can find an ATM. I then tried to ramble how I'm also looking for a restaurant where I can eat some fish soup. Maybe I could have tried to ramble more but I felt that she was waiting on someone, so I ejected and I think her mom arrived at that moment.

    I also had a chat going on with a female employee in a drug store (not a pharmacy but a place where you can buy tea and superfood etc.). I asked her for some recommendation for a certain vitamin. I commented how it's interesting that this city has all these drugstores. I also said how pleasant it was that there's barely a mask in sight and what a huge difference it makes in terms of pleasantness of experiencing a place. She talks about how she doesn't understand that my country still has mask mandates and says how unhealthy they are. We talk a bit about that. I guess COVID can give you a lot of material to talk about, but I think that's only true insofar she's a bit sceptical herself about the rules and the official narrative (or rather: if she's somewhat on the same page as you in general, since it's a very polarizing topic...). It's not a pleasant topic per se, so I'd argue it's better to avoid talking about it. Anyway, it was good practice.

    I don't count chats with workers in a store, so I'll add only one to the counter. I know it's foolish to think to expect results when doing approaches in such a low degree of intensity. It's better than nothing I guess.

    16/100
     
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2021
    modern milarepa likes this.
  13. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    All at the gym today

    10/100
    I was doing legs and went to this machine a girl was there

    Me: can we share?
    She:no
    ....
    She: I'm joking
    She: are you almost done training?
    Me: yeah, well no I just did two exercises

    I think she wanted to train with me, but I was almost done. She does her set, then I do mine. We talked about covid vaccines. Then I asked for her number. I think she is 17 y.o so it's kind of tricky. She seems like a good, funny, serious girl.

    11/100
    I was about to leave and a guy I know and talk a bit comes to the gym with a blonde

    My friend: this is kathya
    Me: nice to meet you
    She: nice to meet you too

    My friend is a personal trainer, he was training her while he was doing chest. He was kind of aggressive in the way he made her train, well I guess is normal considering is training.

    The girl has a crazy good lookig body, but many pimples in her back such good body with that acne I think she is using steroids.

    Me: why is x so mean to you? (meaning my friend training her) .
    She: I don't know it's not like I stole his girlfriend

    Well, the girlfriend answer. That was the moment to make a move. But I don't like her face and the acne of her back. Also my friend told something about polyamorous when he arrived and this girl. So it was not worth the risk, also another guy was there and he is envious about me getting so much attention from girls at the gym.
     
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  14. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    I had a friend coming over a few days ago and we went to a nightclub/dance pub. There were approach opportunities there but I couldn't get myself to it.

    When we returned home we passed 3 girls (they were walking in the same direction as us). Suddenly they entered their apartment and I said: "Excuse me, can you play Scrabble?" (cringe - I know). One of them said: "No. Good night."

    I'm adding this lame 'opener' to the counter though.

    17/100
     
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  15. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    12/100
    At the gym
    Me:can you help me
    Her:sure

    I was doing skull crushers, she almost die trying to pass me the weight haha.
    Her: I can't believe you moved that

    Then we exchanged some words and I left it there, I didn't felt chemistry so didn't ask for her number.
     
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  16. Ghost79

    Ghost79 Fapstronaut

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    I'm Dutch. Are you Dutch? Witch city did you visit?
     
  17. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    It's been a while since I did a decent approach.

    Yesterday I was in maskless Netherlands again and I had a bit of a chat going on with two female employees (beyond asking for help). Also a bit of a playful chat with a waitress in a restaurant.

    Today I had an evening walk and I missed a lot of chances (a lot of girls were in groups though). When I wait at a crossing walk (the red is light) I see a girl waiting at the opposite side. She drops her phone/sunglasses. When the light is green and I cross her path on the crossing I ask her in my language "Did you break it?". She answers in English "Hello." whilst smiling, so I'm not sure if she understood me. The logistics to 'stop' her were a bit off. I also didn't really had the intention to strike up a converstation.

    Later I passed three girls and I said "Hey.". They didn't answer (I didn't say it loudly) but I heard them giggle a bit so they heard me. When I looked behind my shoulder one of them looked. But again, I didn't had the intention/inspiration/motivation/confidence to do an approach as in trying to get a conversation going on.

    So these two weren't approaches in the strict sense of the word but I guess it can be a good warm up or as a way to wipe off the dust if you didn't do it in a long time... You can just say "Hey." or if you have the balls you can just give a compliment I guess. I see some logic in first getting used to making eye contact with girls on the street, then saying something without the pressure of a follow-up and then actually having conversations.

    I think I will merge these two into one and add it to the counter.

    18/100
     
    Spirituss likes this.
  18. nfpexperiment

    nfpexperiment Fapstronaut

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    Tx for sharing, I am also considering to do this, my problem is, I do approach female strangers but not quickly enough, what I mean is, I first observe a few days (for example at the gym or some shop female employee) and then if I have the courage I approach and sometimes I chicken out and dont. Goal is, when I see a female I like, I want to be able to approach quickly and not be held bakc from fear, it is the fear that is holding me back. I know we don;t have nothing to fear if our intentions is good, wanting to find a girlfriend to love and care for eachother is a good intention. Thing is , this illogical fear of rejection, we men should try to handle rejection.
     
  19. nfpexperiment

    nfpexperiment Fapstronaut

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  20. Ghost79

    Ghost79 Fapstronaut

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    Be like a caveman. Go for what you want without caring what she wants!
     

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