Small Pen*s Club - (males, females and non-binary welcome)

When I found out that my gf had sex with a much, much bigger guy and when I heard the details of how he’d ravaged her (ripping off a pair of panties that I had given her) and, most of all, when I saw how she was literally GLOWING in the afterglow of that encounter … I compulsively masturbated 5 times that day! And again at work the next day. And many, many hundreds of times afterwards remembering that “betrayal”.
It still turns me on 15 years later. One has to question - how much am I hurting from that if it gives me such intense arousal?

 

Hello SP Club, it's been a few months since I've checked in.
Doing pretty well. Haven't looked at porny porn in nearly 11 months.

I'm still stunned sometimes by how small my penis is. It sometimes feels like it is getting smaller from a lack of use (AKA atrophy, and I haven't been acting out much, have rarely been masturbating or putting it to use). In early recovery it seemed like it was swollen and getting bigger (bigger balls for sure) but I was also wresting with intense arousal all the time. Now I feel asexual half the time.

Hope everyone is doing well!

 

Good point. The temptation is always to play with it a little to make it bigger, and that can lead to a relapse.
It used to me that I could touch myself quite a bit . . . and then stop. The last few months it seems that a little touching quickly escalates to a orgasm, sometimes within a few seconds or without achieving anything close to full arousal.

Yes, it shrinks up really tiny but why am I not simply "okay" with that? Does it really matter, especially in those moments when I'm the only one looking at it?

 

That all sounds very familiar - mostly that the more I was cheated on, the more I wanted to be with her. I felt so low about myself, and less because of the cheating, I was afraid to leave and be alone, so I accept the cheating (and would M to fantasies of it) and the worse I felt, the more I became obsessed with my girlfriend, stuck in the idea that I need to win her over to be okay. PMO was a big part, too. So often I would masturbate to porn or fantasies of her and then just feel worse about myself, making the cuckold fantasy stronger.
On the flip side, my PMO also meant that even when I was feeling good about myself, the porn use drove her to seek pleasure and attention from other men and contributed to my inability to please her sexually.

 

I don't entirely know why. It gets really small when not aroused (not erect) and maybe since I rarely get erections except at night, it has started getting smaller?
But my erect penis size has also gotten smaller, from 5 inches, to 4 1/2, sometimes even shorter. Other people say that their size changes a little from time to time, but mine has been about 4 1/2 for a couple of years now.

 

Ananta said in his post that his girlfriend confessed.
I have had a few girlfriends cheat on me. Usually they told me about it, sometimes because I would get really insecure and ask them about it.
One time I caught my girlfriend in bed with another guy.

 

I am really glad to hear that it helped you to realize (make real) that PMO can have that affect and I hope it helps others, too!

I think there are many factors as to why I was cuckolded in early relationships, and for why I reacted to these painful experiences by just getting more and more addicted to cuckold and humiliation porn (and ultimately spent years literally looking for a cuckold relationship) . . . many major factors, some rooted in early childhood for me . . . but it is ABSOLUTELY TRUE that PMO was a major contributing factor.

 

I've really been struggling with cuckold fantasies lately.
I have a great girlfriend, I don't think she would cheat, and I (usually) don't fantasise about her cheating but I will often recall past girlfriends and get aroused by either what happened or what could have happened.
Also, I get really triggered by cheating women in real life. Infidelity is definitely a thing, I get triggered by women in relationships saying suggestive things or seeing real stories on TV about women who are cheating on their husbands . . . and then wishing that I was in a relationship with someone like her!!