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Would you date a SPMO addicted? +30

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by MexFighter, Sep 17, 2021.

  1. MexFighter

    MexFighter Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys..
    Here a woman looking for points of views about dating an addicted woman..
    I mean, I would totally date a guy who's addict cause I would know he could understand my struggle with SPMO but what if you weren't an addict and this girl (your crush) tells you about her addiction.. Would you dare to stay with her knowing all that this decision entails? Just to mention: therapy, couple therapy, possible relapses..

    I'm not talking about a hookup, I'm talking about a serious relationship..
    I'm afraid of saying the truth to this awesome guy I met years ago and tbh I'm afraid of gettting a broken heart..

    If anyone here is dealing with a similar situation please tell me for you: what is the hardest part of dating an addict..?
     
  2. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    People that have issues is confortable dating people that also have issues. If you found a guy that is ok dating an addict like you, he is probably also going to have his own issues.

    A guy that have his shit together is not going to put up with the issues of another person. he is going to date a woman that also have his shit together, it is just a better way to spend his time. he has done his job to be in a good place, he can date woman that are also in a good place that are a lot more healthy and fun to date.

    Only guys that don't have their shit together will put up with all this crap. But they will bring their own crap to the relationship too. So.. instead of sharing their happines, you are both going to share their crap, that is not a good foundation for a relationship.

    Guys that have his shit together will definitevely hookup with a woman with addictions, but will bounce when she ask for something more serious.

    Keep this to yourself, work to solve it and move on. Don't share this with your partner in hopes he accept it so you are realive from the job of getting it fix. Instead work to get your shit together for you... for the rest of your life.

    When I was a guy with issues, i was willing to date crazy, toxic, narssicistics woman. Just because I was confortable dating people that also have issues, i didn't have my shit together so i was able to put up with this crap just to be in a relationship. All the woman that have their shit together dump me after a couple of months because they figured out that I didn't.
    Once I got my shit together, after years of work in myself, i was no longer willing to date a damaged girl. I really started to choose whom I was going to date and my dating experiences get a lot better. Dating healthy woman that have their shit together is just better.. so Im not willing to date a damaged girl anymore, hookup of course but nothing more.

    On another side, is not always about the addiction. You can have your own addiction but threat your partener like a king and he is not going to care about your addiction. At the end of the day is about to share happy moments, if dating a woman mean to figth, to argue to go to therapy, to beg for sex, etc... then is going to be a pain in the ass and I would definitevely will look for another option.

    Again.. get your shit together and you will enjoy dating guys that also have their shit together. If not, then you are probably going to date demaged guys that are going to bring their own baggage to the relationship. it's your choice.
     
  3. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Well considering I had a pretty severe porn addiction, which had pretty disastrous effects on my sex and general life, yet was able to recover and get my general/sex life on really good footing, I would totally date a woman that told me they had a porn addiction. It's definitely not a first date topic, but if there was a real connection, shared interests, and some sort of bonding activity already, I would definitely feel pretty good about it.

    It's pretty well known that doing a reboot and rewire sorts out most of the worst effects of porn addiction, and as long as relapses are less frequent and less severe over time (showing the addiction is waning), then I don't think I would mind too much. As long as the major issues are tackled and dealt with in the beginning and then improvement is visible over time, I don't see why I would totally exclude that woman from my dating life.

    Therapy is not needed for most to see major signs of recovery from porn addiction. Do whatever works best for you, but reboots are known to be very helpful. When there is major trauma or insecurities relating to porn addiction then therapy or counseling can be helpful, but that's case by case.

    And like I said, as long as major issues are kicked ASAP and relapses get less severe and less frequent over time, I don't think I'd care that much. I'd compare it to any addiction or vice, like shopping, gambling, obesity/unhealthiness, moodiness, etc. If I like them with their issues and they only improve over time, I couldn't ask for more.
     
  4. Nicolas5432110

    Nicolas5432110 Fapstronaut

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    I think it's not a good idea to tell her and the same for a man to never tell a woman about his problems. I think that men and women complement each other in positive things, but it is never good if they complement each other in negative things. If you see that he brings positive things to you and you to him, there is no problem to have a relationship, that yes... never tell him the problems you have with your partner, you never know how the other person will react (if he will accept or reject) to be with a person like that, I think it is better to continue improving as a person and the partner will come at a given time, do not be anxious and work on yourself.
    I hope I can help you friend... I honestly if I have problems I would not tell my girlfriend or the one I like, I would work on myself to leave the addiction for good which is always possible.
    I think that happiness does not depend on having a partner or not having a partner, that happiness comes from oneself, the partner is something external, after one feels good, happy and calm everything will come easily.

    Although I have known cases in which an addict is with an addict, but the truth is that I don't know much. You should always look for a partner to help you continue to improve.
     
    modernstore99 likes this.
  5. MexFighter

    MexFighter Fapstronaut

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    Okay @p1n1983..
    I have to say that I read your response over the weekend and at first it was a big shock because it's something you don't want to hear, you know? But the reality is that it's something I NEEDED to hear: the uncomfortable truth. You are ABSOLUTELY right.
    Everythin you said was something I already knew haha and yet it's so good to read it from a man.
    So THANK YOU. Thank you for taking the time to express the truth and being honest in your response.
    This year I started therapy for the first time ever and achieved my goal of 6 months sober and for the first time I will achieve 7 months sober. I honestly don't want to be one of those women who settle just to not be alone...that's why I've been single amy whole life: I knew I couldn't be with someone as long as I was still addicted. But there's still a long way for me and I want to keep growing..
    The only thing I think different might be this:
    Because I think if you have found someone to share your life with you should be honest about your past and your present.. but those are personal stances..
    Anyway: thanks and take care!
     
  6. MexFighter

    MexFighter Fapstronaut

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    Hey @modernstore99 I'm glad you're improving your life..
    Thank you for replying.The truth is that while you are still broken you will continue to attract the same people but when you are already working and improving your life and you know how difficult it is you, can empathize with them...
    Thank you for your time.
     
  7. MexFighter

    MexFighter Fapstronaut

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    Hi @Nicolas5432110..
    No entendí mucho tu respuesta.. Talvez no entendiste mi pregunta porque pedí puntos de vista sobre datear con adictas y la parte mas dificil de eso pero ya que lo mencionas: TODOS los adictos, ya sea mujer u hombre, necesitan compartir su adicción a sus parejas. Esa es la base de los AA y los 12 pasos: la confesión, la rendicion de cuentas, la terapia..
    Tu me dices que no lo diga, que no lo comparta, que tu no le dirias a tu novia y estoy de acuerdo si es un ligue de antro a la que no vas a volver a ver en tu vida ó una noviecita de 3 meses.. pero yo pregunté sobre una relación seria. Un noviazgo con vistas a matrimonio..
    Tal vez ahora piensas así pero ojala cuando seas un hombre de 30 años puedas ser sincero con tu pareja y hablarle de tu adicción.. Ya sabes lo que dicen: conforme mas lo escondes más te enganchas..
    Y tienes razon: la felicidad no la obtienes estando con alguien sino del trabajo de aceptación, crecimiento y amor propio!
    Saludos y gracias por responder.
     
    Nicolas5432110 likes this.
  8. Nicolas5432110

    Nicolas5432110 Fapstronaut

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    [QUOTE = "MexFighter, post: 3140498, member: 416672"] Tal vez ahora piensas así pero ojala cuando seas un hombre de 30 años puedas ser sincero con tu pareja y hablarle de tu adicción .. Ya sabes lo que dicen: conforme mas lo escondes más te enganchas .. [/ QUOTE]

    Cuando tenga pareja con la ayuda de Dios ya me abre liberado de la adicción, no pienso tener algo serio con una mujer como casarme o algo así, si no me he liberado por completo de esta adicción por el cual estoy luchando

    [QUOTE = "MexFighter, publicación: 3140498, miembro: 416672"] pero yo pregunté sobre una relación seria [/ QUOTE]

    Lo que dije es que ni en la relación seria debes decirle, no muchas parejas aceptan que le digas tus problemas

    [QUOTE = "MexFighter, post: 3140498, member: 416672"] Ya sabes lo que dicen: conforme mas lo escondes más te enganchas .. [/ QUOTE]

    Yo no escondo nada, ya se lo he contado a personas

    Felicidades por esos meses sobria amiga, que grande eres, sigue así como vas, te envidio jejeje cuanto quisiera tener una racha como esa, te deseo lo mejor, seguramente pronto encontraras alguna persona (pareja) en tu vida, eso vendrá cuando menos te lo esperas, sigue luchando y siendo mejor cada día, besos jeje.
     

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