do we need relationships to beat pmo?

How do you know you're not ready for a relationship? What makes you think you are unworthy or unable to be in one? Not trying to be condescending I'm just curious

 

I totally agree, you need to be fairly self sufficient with your life before someone else comes into it. Getting on a job tract or going to university is definitely a good move for someone your age, and you should definitely shower and shit haha, but otherwise the only way you get better at those other things is by trying them out.

You're gonna keep generalizing and objectifying women unless you develop relationships with them, platonic, romantic, and sexual. Being close, intimate, and vulnerable with a woman is gonna help be a better man than beating yourself up all the time.

Being paranoid about cheating is often a sign of insecurity, which is sometimes just overanalyzing situations, but could also be a sign that you're lacking in some area of your life, like your current financial insecurity. Working towards a secure and enjoyable life will make you more secure, even if you're not there yet.

The only way you become emotionally ready for relationships is by trying them out. I am a big try and fail guy, meaning I constantly make dumb relationship mistakes and push people away from me. I've made a lot of big errors, but I learn from them and come out better each time, and my true friends and partners can see that and choose to stick around with me. Putting yourself out there is key, even if you don't feel ready. Practice is the only way.

I know it can be scary, but you gotta put yourself out there! There will be setbacks, failures, and heartbreaks. You'll probably get hurt, and you'll probably hurt someone else. That's just how life is. As long as you learn and grow each time, you're on the path to happiness and fulfillment.

"A ship in a harbor is safe, but that's not what ships are built for."

 

Exactly bro. Cut out the bad shit and replace with good stuff. I know you can do it.

 

Makes sense! But isn't it also a trap the addict can fall into to think life has to wait until addiction is beaten, which is good mindset for a swift reboot of 90 days or so, but when you need years, how can you put everything else on wait, including love, real sex and partnership. I'm not a fan of rushing it with sex, while struggeling with porn. But what does it help if you stuck to recovery and misses out on so much life has to offer?

Just some thoughts ...

 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts @Meriadoc



It is not a trap. Infact, the secret to beat this addiction is the resolution that life has to wait until addiction is beaten. If you are addicted to porn, it means you are sucking on the tits of comfort that porn offers- addicted, deluded and devoid of any modicum of self determination. Your life is messed up and you are suffering owing to addiction. Given this fact, the prime priority of life should be to beat this addiction. And yes, if your intention is to beat the addiction, you have to focus your life energies on beating this habit.

You sound like you are telling me that investing years to beat this addiction is a chore and waiting till you weed off this addiction would mean denying of pleasures such as a loving partnership. It is a dangerous proposition.

When you make beating PMO addiction as a chore, you are nurturing an attitude that is set to protect your addiction. Unless and until you have that sharp resolve to beat this addiction, it will keep surviving, after marriage, after kids, after grandkids...you will resort to porn when your wife fights with you, you will resort to porn when you feel lonely, tired and stressed. you will keep this habit running like a background and it's filth will express itself in every aspect of your life...in your relationship with your wife, your kids...

Invest in yourself, beat this addiction with sharp focus. Spend your energies towards weeding out this crap. Slay this demon first, get comfortable in your own skin...and your integrity will shine through your relationship with your woman and the world. I don't want to be a man who cuddles with his woman and when she is asleep, go to bathroom and wank off to pixels.

There are my perspectives brother. Take care.

 

Thank you @black_coyote !
have to read this later with great care.

 

As a married man, i agree totally with that.

I didn‘t tell my spouse of my addiction. But since I try to get rid of it (since half a year) and change my life for myself, put more effort in hobbies, take time for me and be focused while playing with kids or when be with her, she feels more connected and happy. It feels like she is seeing me with different eyes. She sees the man she has married years ago.

 

Thank you for sharing your insights @awareness_79 ! Reading your insights brings happiness! As for me, I can relate with you. When I'm stable myself, relationships tend to be less reaction based and more response oriented. When I'm relaxed and unassuming, the people I'm interacting with seems to pick that vibes, which is a win-win.


Keep healing