35 and Older Accountability Group

Checking in, feeling strong and determined currently

 

I think trying new stuff is good when we are in a rut.

The most important thing is never to quit.

I'm in a funk now. Resetting the counter now but I'm so tired of PM I want to try to avoid the group. Really I need to find a happy medium someshere between 5 check ins a day and once a month lol.

No more roller coaster. I am happy with what I see as progress and hope to get right back into a good streak. I've still never been able to pull that off, but here's to the first 12 hours lol.

 

Been sick/under the weather for 7 days in a row now. Brain just desperate for some feeling good. I can hold out for a couple of days like that but when there is no improvement.... not ideal early on in a streak. Or ever probably. Alright square 1. Here we go again. At least I only lost an hour and twenty instead of the usual 3+.

 

I’ve been thinking about my position since passing 90 days and although giving up PMO has been one of the best things that’s happened to me, I think in the future I’ll try to strike a balance where I allow myself to MO only, just occasionally as needed to help with getting to sleep. Really I’d rather stay PMO free, but I’m older than most folks here and as we discussed there is some suggestion that occasional ejaculation may have prostate health benefits for the over 50s. It may be hard to strike a balance but if so I’ll just go for hard mode again.

With that in mind, @artifact, I’d be grateful if you could please give my place to someone in need of it, as I know we have a waiting list now, and it can be a huge help when you are just getting off the ground. Having the place in the group has meant so much to me that I’m reluctant to leave, but my (very personal) impression is that after about 90 days it probably becomes less relevant, because you have proved to yourself you can do it. In fact it was after 60 days it got a lot easier for me- the first 30 were incredibly tough sometimes though! And without being part of the group I wouldn’t have managed it, no question.

I’m really grateful to everyone for their support, whether voiced or silent, and especially to artifact! I’ll definitely keep an eye on things in the group and won’t hesitate to rejoin if I need to. Thanks again to you all!!

 

That exactly chimes with what I felt!- it’s not mentioned much as far as I can see but the sense of having control over a little part of your life is a great benefit of nofap and something I got an actual high from (and I don’t get many of those!).

I only wish I could get control over my anger and anxiety but feelings like that creep up on me quicker than sexual urges do and I still haven’t managed to!

I’m really sorry to hear about your marriage going bad @JustinThyme and hope you get the understanding partner you deserve in your next relationship.

 

Question for you guys:

How do you deal with doing things on your computer and not getting distracted with you know what.

This is pretty much how every relapse starts for me. I rarely consciously make the decision to go on my computer to relapse. Usually I'm already on the computer doing work, then my brain starts looking for a dopamine hit as a way to deal with either emotional or physical pain that I'm feeling. I rationalize that I will just look at something 'related' for 5 minutes and then get back to work or whatever it is I'm doing. And then I lose an hour or 3 of course.

I try to avoid this, and often times it works. I'm mindful of when my mind starts wandering, and then i'll step away, go do something else, move my computer to a different room etc.... . But at some point work needs to get done, and when I have a headache my mind craves the dopamine hit constantly. So then I push through and push through on sheer willpower....until once again I convince myself that looking for some relief for just 5 minutes will be beneficial. That it will reduce the craving, make the pain go away, and then i'll be able to focus again. But it's never 5 minutes and I end up losing hours.

A solution of course is don't go on your computer, but like I said at some point work needs to get done, or even home related stuff like planning a trip, filing an insurance claim, doing research on contractors, etc..... Seems inevitable that I will use my computer from time to time.

Any tips? Thoughts?

 

Wishing you all the best, mate. Thank you for your support and for being a part of this group.

 

I know this might be an inconvenience but would you be able to work in a public area for now?

 

Checking in. Going to do my best to surpass my 10 day streak I had recently.

 

May I join this group?
Day 10 - Checking In

 

I don't concur with that view. There's no conclusive evidence to substantiate that hypothesis. @Professor Abraham you have had been the pied piper (pied piper here symbolizes a successful mentor) of monk mode for many months. I would love to have your views on this prostrate health issue.

 

I can only talk from firstly my own experience, and then also from my interpretation of the scientific evidence(as a professional experimental biologist - though not someone engaged in medical research):

1. Own experience (n=1).

I successfully avoided all ejaculation for 2 years (no PMO or even healthy sex). This was, for me, a transformative experience (see my journal if you are interested). Now at the end of this I decided to deliberately have a prostate examination by a trained GP. I was 54 at the time. The GP confirmed I had a very healthy prostate. Absolutely no signs of inflammation etc. Also had the blood tests done. All negative. Of course, a negative result means nothing in science. I will have prostate examinations etc every two years in my 50s, and then probably every year from 60 onwards (I am due another next year). I should add that in the last 18 months I have been masturbating at a frequency of about once every 1-2 weeks. There are very good positive reasons for this though (not health related, but life goals related). I fully intend to return to monk mode permanently in the near future.

2. The papers.

I have read the papers on research into masturbation frequency and prostate cancer. TBH I am sceptical of the findings. Here's why -
a. I really find it hard to believe anyone can accurately recall their frequency of ejaculation over decades.
b. There is no zero frequency control.
c. While the data suggested the highest frequency group (I think they were ejaculating c5 times a week) had some benefit to prostate cancer rates, the other frequency groups studied were inconclusive (this sounds alarm bells for me, effectively the study only shows a significant difference between two groups - those who thought they ejaculated more than 20 times a month and those that didn't - and over decades). So there is no demonstrated quantitative relationship between ejaculation frequency and prostate cancer rates I feel.

There are a lot of other scientific studies that suggest healthy diet (indeed certain nutrients may reduce prostate inflammation if consumed regularly), good body weight management, and not smoking/drinking etc have positive effects on general incidence of many cancers, not just prostate. For me therefore, I would rather follow a monk mode existence and have a clean, healthy lifestyle - while yes still getting my prostate checked out regularly as I get older.

(p.s. thanks @NICEDUDE for calling me a mentor, but I have only ever tried to help myself and serve as an example for others if they are interested in my thoughts on NoFap and PMO avoidance. I genuinely though feel PMO addiction is a physical not mental (i.e. psychiatric) issue, and feel there are positive lifestyle solutions (again see my journal if interested).

 

@Martial Congrats on your success! I also commend you for selflessly giving up your spot. So, even though you're giving up your spot I think it'd be cool if your still stayed on the forum and talked to us.

 

My goodness it's been difficult lately, but I feel like I can do another 30 day streak, I know I have it in me.

 

Day 11 - Checking In
I hope I can pass the weekend
Weekend is the toughest days

Btw, @artifact
Am I in the waiting list?