yoga, meditation, journals, therapy, i hate these ideas, not too sure why

yoga to me seems more like a girly thing can't lie, meditation just the word is annoying to hear, I'd feel like smacking the person who offered that as a "treatment"
i hate the idea of being so weak i need to rely on these as well as journals. Therapy would probably be useful, but several years of the health system pissing me about and refusing to offer potential life saving therapies or services has made me antidoctors or antimedical.

hell if i had some potential life threatening injury i might deny help just to make a "point".
like my mental health would be killing me slowly and i tell them this, no one cares. Oh a stab wound? Jump in the ambulance quick. I hate the medical system.
i went to A&E some months back following threatening my family or something idk. I don't remember too much about what occurs anymore.

police turn up but i was calmer so they basically advise me to go to A&E, which the police told me someone would see me as they were expecting me. Had to wait 7 hours with Me getting increasingly belligerent. Anyway with all that they just offer me pills, relaxers. On the time i had diazepam and they Saud not to take both but i said i would, and they still gave me the pills, what kind of medical professionals do that?.

i WAS seeing a psychiatric nurse but considering i had to attempt suicide or something for that and it was just once every 2 weeks for only 45 minutes per visit it's pointless.

also as she's a woman i don't feel comfortable opening up about my personal problems or life, just feel like I'm being judged the entire time by a person who can't understand what being a man is like.

 

i think I'll just do it all solo, i have no faith in the medical system anymore, besides i can always pretend to commit suicide by standing on top of a building to force their hand, otherwise it's endless waiting lists and a piss poor effort.

 

oh as for the resistance to showing weakness, i blame my dad for his lack of emotional and mental support, he just wants to pretend there's no problem ever "i choose not to be mentally ill" is what he says to himself. A lack of a mother obviously doesn't help. In all fairness when i can move out i might beat the sh*t out of him then leave. He's been abusive and neglectful for as long as i can remember. Would hit us, tell me I'm the reason his life is terrible, wished i was gone etc.

I'm old and smart enough to realise he's just a failure at life with mental health problems he hasn't addressed so he takes it out on others, he's effectively a man-child in my opinion.

 

yeah i assumed yoga was for back pain, i doubt I'd be too good with yoga if i have ass in my face tho lol.

 

i listen to Jordan Peterson alot, I'm subbed on his yt channel, very intelligent man.