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Fantasizing when having sex

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by picklesandcheese, Sep 22, 2021.

  1. picklesandcheese

    picklesandcheese New Fapstronaut

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    Hey all,
    I have been having sexual problems with my girlfriend for a while now. I have not watched porn or masturbated for about 11 months now, but I need to use fantasies (mostly fantasies involving my girlfriend, but sometimes with the women I know from work, the community, the gym, etc,) to get hard and orgasm. I don't want to have to do that anymore. I want to be present with my girlfriend. How do I do this?
    The other day we were fooling around in bed and I could not get hard. I watched porn for many years and my girlfriend says it is the reason I have problems in bed. I decided to go on a reboot after that day I couldn't get hard, and now I just want to be able to have sex like a "normal" person, and think about whatever "normal" people think about during sex, and get hard like a "normal" person. I am hoping a reboot will help with some of this... I have been not orgasming for five days now.
    Could anyone tell me what "normal" people think about and do during sex so that I can get past this mental problem I am having?
    Also, I don't mean to offend people with "normal" but I don't feel like I am "normal."
    Any advice or articles to read in order to stay present would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
     
    Beekind and Future Bloomer like this.
  2. Ed74

    Ed74 Fapstronaut

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    How long have you and your girlfriend been together? I know a lot of people in long term relationships and marriages have to spice it up somtimes and im sure "normal" people do fantasize about other people and situations when having sex. Maybe work on intimacy and try not to worry about the sex? thats kinda where im at now. Congrats on the 11 months though.
     
  3. Yambo

    Yambo Fapstronaut

    Sorry, I'm honest I don't have the answer for you right here, but I admire your 11 months no PM! That's for most of us really like life goals, thanks for the share. And I hope you will find your answers, all the best.
     
    Ed74 likes this.
  4. Randombro

    Randombro Fapstronaut

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    Do you had this issue before also or is it something what developed during the last years?
    Maybe you suffer from something like maladaptive day dreaming and stuck in your head or you are aegosexual.
     
    Ed74 likes this.
  5. SureICan

    SureICan Fapstronaut

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    When I watched a lot of P, I had this. Because the P images are better then the real thing. But now I find I can really enjoy the sex with a partner. Then I don't have to fantasize about P or someone I know. I am just enjoying the moment and I am "in" the moment.
     
    Tophat and Ed74 like this.
  6. Icouldprobablyhelp

    Icouldprobablyhelp Fapstronaut

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    yea the best thing you can do to be "in the moment" in my opinion is to focus on how good it feels and or looks.. how good she looks, how she moves how she smells the faces she makes if she's sending you signals (like if she wants you to pull her hair or smack her ass or kiss her etc.) yu can try talking to her or asking her to talk to you.. get a good feel for her inside /take it slow if you have to.. listen to her sounds (and I mean ALL HER SOUNDS~from breathing moaning to vagina sounds) focus on your own breathing.. try to match yours with hers
     
    SureICan likes this.
  7. Future Bloomer

    Future Bloomer Fapstronaut

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    A lot of people in this forum have suggested Karezza (sex without orgasm) as a strong way to improve with your relationship with your partner. It seems to be a good way to become more present.
     
    Beekind likes this.
  8. Beekind

    Beekind Fapstronaut

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    I like karezza.
    Let the focus be on the touch and not the orgasm.
    Hug her for 5 minutes.
    Gaze into each others eyes for 5 minutes .
    Go on walks hand in hand.
    Sex is 99% intimacy and 1% copulation.
     
    SureICan likes this.

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