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100 Cold Approaches

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by StoicContemplation, Dec 12, 2020.

  1. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    @Future Bloomer

    You are right my future bloomer friend. I did it for fun, also I'm learning to simply be friendly with girls. I have several more girl's number at the gym and I have managed to stay just friends. But not always some want more but I declined because I'm in a relationship.

    But you are right my intentions were a bit more sexual with this last approach, maybe because I haven't had sex with my girlfriend in almost 3 months because we were in a break and when I got this number we were just starting to see each other again with no sex.

    Now we are fine, sex is great. So I'll simply be making approaches if any to be friendly.

    Thanks for the reminder
     
    Future Bloomer likes this.
  2. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    Maybe because I've practiced whenever I have the chance, some approaches are more difficult than others, this girl was a bit into me so it's more easy, I have seen her at the gym training at the same hour than I train and we have exchanged words in the past but never tried to get her number or talk too much or flirt, so she es feeling more relaxed around me because she knows me and has see me several times.

    by doing it a lot approaches you become good at it. Also I have a great control of my sexual impulses, I can speak and act almost free of lust so I'm very relaxed and charming. I also think I'm charming by nature.

    But I only started cold approach this year, I believe I could become way way better. I'll try to do more simply talking to new girls but as friends.
     
    Future Bloomer likes this.
  3. These guys in here will never get women because they are weak and scared.

    They make it worse because they don't listen to suggestions.
     
    Ghost79 likes this.
  4. Future Bloomer

    Future Bloomer Fapstronaut

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    That's good man, I'm happy to hear that you can talk with these girls without secound intentions.

    No wonder some of the girls want something more than friendship. If a charming and smooth guy asks for their number, they will assume you want them lol. Maybe consider approaching them without asking it. You will still be challenging yourself to get out of the comfort zone, while not giving as many mixed signals. Or maybe just try to talk more people in general (male, female, young, old, etc). I'm trying to be more social and I was quite happy when a food delivery man told me he liked to come to my home as I was one of the few costumers that was up for a quick chat (instead of just paying and saying bye).

     
    modern milarepa likes this.
  5. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    It's been a while since I posted in this thread. A few days after my last post I went to another country for about 3 weeks in September/October. I did some approaches there (I estimate more than 100, if I count the multiple occasions where I got blanked etc.). Most of the approaches were indirect and kind of touristy, but I also experienced with some direct (giving a compliment, or starting indirect and giving a compliment when the conversation ends, saying "Hey." when crossing paths which led to a conversation once, etc.).

    So technically I finished this second set of 100 but I actually wanted to dedicate this set to approaches in my home country instead of abroad (a lot of the chats abroad are kind of predictable).

    A few days ago I went out with a friend and I did some approaches.

    One was more in a daygame setting where I asked a girl for a simple question at a tramstop. She was pretty helpful and I tried to steer the conversation towards a personal chat, she said that she was studying medicine but I ejected because she didn't ask me a personal question (although she looked interested when I said what I studied). I talked for a few minutes. I think going direct might have been useful here to just see how she would have reacted.

    I went to some bars/clubs, I think I did like 3-4 approaches. Nothing special. Doing it sober is quite hard because you have to rely only on your confidence/inner game in order to approach. Alcohol lowers this inhibition.

    22/100

    I have to remind myself that this thread exists so that I spur into action more when there is an opportunity.
     
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2021
    Spirituss likes this.
  6. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    I went out last night with the brother of a friend of mine. I did some clubs and bars and I threw myself into the elusive world of night game.

    I'll refrain myself from undertaking the herculean task of describing every interaction I had with every female that night. If I estimate the amount of approaches, then I'd say 15, which I think is a very conservative calculation.

    In no particular order...

    I started talking with a girl who took a smoking break outside of a bar/club. Asked her "Are you from [town]?" because there was a fraternity-like party at the bar (the fraternity is from a certain city). Apparently she went to the same high school as me (she was a bit younger). I think I talked with her for like 10-15 mins, but there was no sexual dimension to it. I remember that when I mentioned that I lived in a certain country for a while, her eyes lit up and she bited her lips, which means that she was emotionally charged at that moment, but I didn't harness it. Suddenly one of her friends called her and she said "I have to go for a while.", so I guess I could have continued the interaction later but I then went to another bar.

    When walking to another bar I did some street approaches. I'd say that these were approaches to build up courage (where I say something random to girls without really stopping them). Examples:

    - "You guys look lost." (said this to a group of girls who passed us, they said something like "Huh, we're not?")

    - I went direct on a girl (she was walking with her friend). "Excuse me, those are nice boots you have.". She answered with "Thank you. You have nice shoes." (she said this in a very dry way though, most people of my country are quite closed). I answered with something like "Thanks. They are white, for you." (lame answer, I was wearing Stan Smiths). It was quite off to get a conversation going on because I didn't really 'stop' her, they basically kept walking.

    - At a particular moment I was walking next to two girls and I say to the hot girl: "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice the way you are walking. It's a very serious walk. Why is that?". She smiles and says something like "Well, we were actually talking about something serious." She says something about her studies (logopedics) so we talk a bit about that. This girl was very attractive and she seemed quite down to talk. The problem with night game is: the friend(s) of the target who cockblock. Me and my friend started to walk towards the night scene again and my target starts walking a bit towards that direction too (so we could continue the conversation I guess), but her friend takes a call or something and stays behind. She then says: "Sorry, but I'm going with my friend."

    When I went to a bar/club and I was going to the toilet, I locked eye contact with a girl and said something like "Hey.". Suddenly, I actually recognize the girl (I talked with her last week in the same bar, see previous post). We started talking and she became a bit touchy, (she pulled my sweater). I then said to myself "Why not?" and then kissed her. Now I'm not going to be too prideful to leave out the fact that she was a bit chubby. She wasn't unattractive, but it's not that I had that burning desire to hook up with her (I'm not a chubby chaser), so I didn't get out of my way to stay in that bar to build more rapport with her so I could seal the deal or something. Why did I write this?

    Anyway....

    In other bars/clubs I did more approaches. I used openers like:

    - "Where did you learn to dance?"
    - "Are you here to find your dream man?"

    It's lame, but does it really matter what you say? I feel that it's more about being lucky to find a girl who is open rather than using the right "PUA technique".

    Also did some lame indirect openers (I don't really recommend this during the night):

    - when arriving at the toilet: "Are these toilets unisex?". I used this maybe two times and led to a minor interaction
    - also something like "Is the VIP room upstairs?"
    - something like "Are you half Swedish?". The girl answered something like "A lot of people say that." but her friend pulled her away.

    At a certain point I passed a girl I liked in a club. I tapped on her shoulder, but she was talking to a friend and ignored me. I say to myself "No way that I'm walking away before I utter the words!". So I keep tapping her shoulder, but still no reaction. Should I move on? I actually want to feel the rejection. Suddenly she looks at me and I say something like "Are you from Greece?" she says no and then she asks me a question, but her friends are leaving and pull her away...

    I had some other conversations in clubs, but nothing out of the extraordinary. Some girls had a really bad attitude or were just boring, I recommend not to waste your time with these girls but just move on to someone who digs your vibe.

    37/100
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2021
    modern milarepa likes this.
  7. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    I have decided to join this challenge. I have not made many approaches over the past few years. Also, my skills in talking to women need development. Also, I want to make approaching women a natural thing for me, without a need to overthink it or feel awkward about it. This challenge can keep me accountable as well for remembering to make the approaches and also a way to learn.

    1st approach - Thursday night. I got off work at 7 and went to a place next door to get a sandwich to bring to work for the next day because I didn’t feel like cooking that night since I worked early the next day. There was a girl there with her friend who I saw at the store I work at. I was sitting there waiting for my food, and thought “okay I’m just going to talk to her”. I talked to her for a few minutes, opened up by saying “hey you were just over there at this store right?” She was nice, smiled a lot. Turns out she works for the same company but at a different store, so the conversation flowed easily. After my food was ready and I was about to leave I asked her if she was single and wanted to talk more. She said she wasn’t single, and smiled and laughed. She was pretty, a Latina girl.

    2nd approach - Friday night at the bar with my brother. We approached a group of two girls. Night approaches at a bar are different than day approaches it seems like. We said hi to them, and they immediately asked us to take a picture of them. I said that first they had to talk to us for 3 minutes before we take a picture of them. However my brother took the picture right away. Wrong move in my opinion. The girls were nice enough, they were roommates and moved here from different cities. They didn’t give out much personal information about themselves though. After about 5 minutes they went back inside the bar. We saw them later with a group of people, including a couple guys. They may have already had boyfriends.

    3rd approach - at the same bar with my brother, same night. We went up to two girls who were sitting down. I asked if they would like to have a conversation for a few minutes with us. They immediately said “we are having a girls night”. They were nice about it though. I tried to convince them but they said no again, and that was the end of that.

    so 3 approaches so far. I’ve also decided at bars to no longer drink alcohol. I will just give the bartender a couple dollars for a soda water with lime. This way I save money, am more healthy, and also don’t distort my thoughts.
     
    Spirituss and modern milarepa like this.
  8. Congrats man!
     
    jcl1990 likes this.
  9. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    Good luck, @jcl1990

    I'm interested... how are the other guys doing who started this?

    @ruso @Rents77 @modern milarepa

    Still approaching here and there without the desire to share it online [I have noticed myself that this desire declined with time unless I have novel information to share, like experiencing with direct game]? In a relationship? Taking a hiatus for the purpose of the pursuit of other goals?

    I'm planning to take a break from this forum but it would be nice if this thread keeps on being active without my involvement. I'm looking forward to hear/learn from your experiences in the future! There will be rejections and painful interactions... but there is no other way to learn and become better with women.

    You can always reach out to @Spirituss and @Kowe, I think they are both approaching pretty actively.
     
  10. Rents77

    Rents77 Fapstronaut

    Hey @StoicContemplation and thanks for the tag :)

    My story with Abigail went from "great first date" to a "disasterous second date" and it's not a thread that I'll be pursuing further. We're too far apart to ever go along. Overall, as much as I liked the idea of cold approaches, I just got a girlfriend, so for obvious reasons I'm not going to do those anymore.

    Oh, and just like yourself, I've been taking a break from the forums and even deleted my original journal. I don't think NoFap really is for me, though it was interesting to experience it.
     
    StoicContemplation likes this.
  11. ruso

    ruso Fapstronaut

    Got to like 7 I think, then stoped, focused on other stuff / found a girl for now / still talk to women if they are there, but not with the intention of it leading to anything
     
    Rents77 likes this.
  12. TheCarver

    TheCarver Fapstronaut

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    man, it’s so fucking hard for me to step out my comfort zone with my social anxiety. im on medication for it but dont seem to be doing jack for me.

    all i been doing is going to a coffee shop and randomly walking up to girls asking about their macbook briefly, then leaving. what i am trying to do is desensitize myself to approaching daily, but doesn’t seem to be working. so i think something else is wrong with me.

    any tips or advice would be much appreciated. i wanna try to eliminate caffeine from my diet and was wondering would that help my cases to approach?
     
    jcl1990 likes this.
  13. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    @TheCarver

    thanks for sharing honestly how you feel. You seem a little agitated about your mental state and the overall situation. I’ve been like that before too.

    Is that you on your profile picture? Do you do some sort of fighting or wrestling? Or did you used to?

    if so, and if I was you, I’d start approaching girls and talking to them like you are their “protector”, like you are there to help keep her safe from all the evil in the outside world. You seem a little intense too based off your language like said “fuck” and medication isn’t doing “jack”.

    A girl might appreciate an intense guy who would be willing to fight to keep her safe. But yea, drinking coffee would make my heart beat faster, might be good to at least cut it down some.
     
  14. The best advice I can give you guys is: learn to manage your emotions

    The day you arrive in front of a woman with no stress, no mental agitation, no anxiety about the approach and no tension on your face and body, you will be free to express yourself as you are, with your masculinity and personality.

    Meditation, working out,eating clean, getting used to approaching women and learning let go about that need to succeed in every interaction. There are ways to reach that stage

    This is probably the most important message I will ever post on this forum.
     
    jcl1990 likes this.
  15. TheCarver

    TheCarver Fapstronaut

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    no, just a wwe championship spinner belt i bought of wweshop.

    that doesn’t help. its too hard. and how does one approach someone like they are going to protect them?
     
  16. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the tag, I would have loved to be on this challenge earlier. I think this is the best cold approach thread on nofap. Let's hope it doesn't die.

    Well, for me I just stopped doing cold approaches now that I have a girlfriend. We've been together for some months.

    Now that I think about it all or most of the approaches I did ended up in some type of flirt or romance. Way more easy than dating apps.

    You have the advantage of showing your presence and energy. In the apps you can too with your picture and the way you talk but in person is way too easy.

    I'm a veteran in dating apps but cold approaches is a blessing for dating. I don't get why guys complain. What do you want? That the girl just knocks on your door while you PMO and simply wants to have sex?

    Best of lucks bro, you did a great job doing this thread and reporting all your approaches.
     
  17. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    But I'll have to say that don't just talk to girls always go for closure, for the number to ask her out for a coffee or even sex, you never know.

    Even do it creates good social skills one needs to make the approach a potential romantic involvement. Not all approaches but if you see the chance and you like the girl you need to be able to handle the anxiety of asking her number. And the more you do it the more natural you become at it and the less scary it becomes

    Even if you don't like her that much ask the number just for the sake of it, to create experience. You can become just friends
     
    jcl1990 likes this.
  18. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    It was useful for me because the more you try to seal the deal meaning asking for the number even if it's not a girl you want to date you become more smooth into asking for the number and when you finally see a girl you like and really want the number is less scary it can be even smooth because you have done it so many times before.

    Also engaging in conversations in real life and through messages with girls you are not so attracted also helps for when you find a girl you like.
     
    jcl1990 likes this.
  19. Thelastson

    Thelastson Fapstronaut

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    Have severe anxiety, but am going to start going for approaches in public.
     
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  20. Thelastson

    Thelastson Fapstronaut

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    Am about 1/30 in my lifetime.
     
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