The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 73

 

Day 1

So much better than day 0…

This morning my girlfriend left the apartment to meet a friend and it caught me by surprise. I think it is one of the first times that I didn’t have a plan at all and it took me a couple of minutes to get up and not PMO. I went outside and did productive things.

I’m happy.

 

Day 217 no PMO. Great day with the family yesterday. No issues. Sun is out today and it’s going to be another great day!

 

Day 28. I had an urge, the reboot material was something helpful this reminds me that I need to be alert in anytime because any trigger can come on any time.

 

Day 18! I made it, though it will come back for sure today. I'm going to prepare my body to be at it's best for when the time comes.

 

daily checking in
No urges , i feel extramotived to continue the journey.
Let's destroy the ring this time!

 

Checking in. All good. A bit tired though, might go to bed earlier tonight.

 

Weird day- windy and rainy. apart from the usual stuff had a little adventure with my old laptop. Just for the record I had all PCs and laptops cleaned from any p materials quite a while ago. So I was downloading studying materials and it was taking some time so I decided to clean up memory from some unused stuff and one of the programs i deleted/uninstalled was lovecity 3d on which I had a crush some7-8 years ago. After erasing some useless old stuff I had an urge to check if I had any p left in other folders, I knew I cleaned the laptop but kept looking and found a thumbnail from that game I deleted earlier. It took me just 1-2 sec to delete it. I found as well some of my old video which I wasn't sure what I filmed on them years ago (I suspect there could be the wrong stuff). I clicked on one to see what was on them but in the first few seconds I had a bad feeling about what I might see there so I closed it and deleted all 5 of them. I think it was somewhat a fishing, with an excuse of checking if I cleaned laptop well last time (about 6 months ago).
I think that a lot of our relapses start from our neglect to speak up and secrecy in covering something suspicious that feels not right, only for it to grow in the darkness of separation...

 

Day 1
I'm thinking maybe the most difficult obstacle is time. It's so easy to do something proactive against the addictive ways! Just breathing mindfully, to just mention one thing.

Unfortunately sooner or later "it" comes back. And again, afer you fought it back with ease. Then with a vengenance!
For me the question is: when will I turn such an event of allurement into an event of success? When will I choose the laurels instead of the instant high?

Last relapse was not so ugly, but bad enough. Just stupid! Well, I had my fun. As long as I stick to this combination "I" and "my fun" and ignore everything and everyone else I won't heal.

Today was a good day. Slowly I'm getting were I want, I think. The process is full of wishful-thinking, negative feelings, overthinking, distraction and hectic but sometimes you have just to through all this mud to get into the water ... to get to swim to the other side
- is that a nice picture? I don't know.

Going from chaos and procrastination to clarity and activity I can use every hour that one day has. At the moment I'm coming here very often. It gives me a feeling of security. A replacement for a social life maybe.
Staying in contact and accountable is good! But one daily check-in should be maximum and I can't afford any longer to spend my time on nofap when I have important tasks to do.
I'm actually proud and happy that I recognize this and that I'm so close to let go of ANY distractions and procrastinative behavior. I CAN DO THIS! And I hopefully will.

 

Sex improvement

3 days ago I had sex after 3 months abstinence, it was one of the best performances I had. I had a clear head all the time. I never had an urge to ejaculate and was intuitively more attuned with her body and inner sensations. I played more, was more spontaneous and in control of everything that it was happening.

The past months I was very physical, dancing, moving, meditation and sense restriction mode. It helped me to be more at sync within myself which translates more in sync with a girl in bed.

I have also see that the less I'm exposed to sexual and sensual content the better I get at sex.

I have this obsession to improve my sexual performance more and more every time I have sex, every time it has to be better than the last one and different too, at least some variation.

The next step will be to keep doing what I'm already doing and increase sensual restrictions. So less screen time, better posture and less laziness. Let's see if this little changes improve my sexual performance.

 

or rather a norm, for where you gonna find people on the same brainwave towards PMO as you have found here.

 

it's more like awareness and determination that have to rise in order to succeed as well as to learn to do thorough analysis and accountability after every relapse.

 

yeah I thought so too. But I don't have to push me to use this site more regularly, rather stop me to not overuse it
Anyway thanks

 

Day 1, back to Orc

 

day 82-warrior

 

Day 27
I finally quit my job. Very happy because I have much more free time, but I have to be carefull, for the rest time has a dangerous side also. I just have to keep myself busy with my real passion, which is music and to not procrastinate. Today I had some urges because I drank a beer, and I usually have some urges afterwards, but I took a cold shower, and it went awy.