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Another struggler

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Blue jeans, Jun 16, 2021.

  1. Blue jeans

    Blue jeans Fapstronaut

    Hi. I haven't really posted personal things online before so this is a little weird for me, but I'm grateful for the forum.

    I'm a guy, I'm 25, and I'm here for help with porn and masterbation.

    I haven't really had an ongoing problem with porn for a while. I watched it a few times when I was a young teenager, and have looked up erotic things/allowed myself to drift there maybe a few times every year. More recently I've felt the temptation a lot more strongly, and I've had a few almost encounters. Masterbation for me is a big issue, in a sense a bigger issue because its more current, though I'm also pretty afraid of falling into a rut with pornography.

    I worked out how to masterbate by myself back when I was around 7 or 8 I think. I felt guilt almost every time. At first I didn't think of anything arousing, but later I did. I tried to stop so many times, made so many committments to myself, wrote a number of letters, had a number of accountability friends, confessed to my father, and prayed and prayed and prayed. I actually managed to go off in year 11. I think I went off it for a year and a half, and then my will started to weaken a bit. I think I lost some of my resilience, or forgot why I had developed it. And then failed, and failed. Sometimes I was half asleep when I failed, but it was still me doing it. And I kind of convinced myself that it was okay for a bit. But it didn't last long. And I haven't been able to go off it again since then. I'm now 25.

    Recently things have gotten worse. I don't really know why, I think because of a change in life and perhaps more time on my hands. I graduated from uni last year and haven't been ble to get a full time job. It seems like that shake up opened me up to new temptations that never occurred to me before. I started using fantasies while masterbating when I had managed to masterbate without them before this point. I think that mainly started because I started getting worried about having more errections in the night - it began feeling that I was having a constant erection while sleeping. I don't know if this is the place to say things like this, but it made me wonder whether I had injured myself masterbating without visual/other stimulation. Anyway so I started using fantasies more, and I think this has led to more sexualizing of my mind lately, more desire for porn, more objectifying of the women I see in real life.

    I think the thing that really gets me is how often I flip. The time I usually masterbate is before I sleep. And I feel like I always grieve over it the next morning, but somehow by the time I go to bed that night, or perhaps the next, all those feelings of repulsion are gone and I seem able to convince myself that it's fine, or that its good.

    For me this is quite closely connected with my faith in God. I really want to live a life which is wholly for him and without hiding any secret sins. I believe in his forgiveness and love, but I am asking for change in me. I'm here because I want to throw more of my will at this. I want to give it all I have to fight this. I really need the help, I feel so weak to sexual temptation.

    Thanks friends
     
  2. This is exactly the place to say things like that. Sometimes we just need to get things about our addiction off our chest, and sometimes it can get detailed. But sometimes being able to lay it all out there is what we need. You seem like you have a lot to say, and you seem good at saying it. I would recommend starting a journal in the reboot logs section. It's a great way to keep track of what you're going through. I know it's helped a lot of people here. I know it's helped me.

    As you read through posts other members have made, you'll begin to see that you are not alone in this struggle. And there's nothing you've experienced that one of us haven't, too. Case in point, I recently injured myself jacking off in my sleep. Like you, I also gravitate to fantasizing rather than viewing porn. Like I said, you're not alone in this.

    Welcome, prepare for the fight and stay strong.
    [​IMG]
     
  3. Hope_2_Help

    Hope_2_Help Fapstronaut

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    I wish you success I am new here so not much to say but you can do it.
     
  4. John Galt

    John Galt Fapstronaut

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    Hey, man. Glad to see you’re not giving up. I’m new too, so I don’t have much advice to give, but I’d say to take it easy on yourself. Remember that shame and condemnation are not productive tools for recovery. God gave us all a sex drive, and there is nothing inherently wrong with masturbation. Obviously anything in excess can become abuse, but don’t beat yourself up. I understand wanting a pure mind, but I admire the control you seem to have over your habits. I’m not justifying obscene fantasies or anything like that, I just want to encourage you for not letting porn take over your life the way it has for so many others.
     
  5. Sean Edie

    Sean Edie Fapstronaut

    That is really common. Try reading or listening to relaxing music before going to sleep. Changing a habit to something else is better than trying to stop it
     
    Blue jeans likes this.
  6. Blue jeans

    Blue jeans Fapstronaut

    Thanks mate, really appreciate it
     
  7. Blue jeans

    Blue jeans Fapstronaut

    Thanks mate
     
  8. iamking7777

    iamking7777 Fapstronaut

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    You got this, welcome to NoFap!
     
  9. Raistlin2222

    Raistlin2222 Fapstronaut

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    My friend,

    God loves you wholy and completely. God is not angry at you for being anxious and nervous thus leading you to masterbate. Do you have another sexual avenue? (ie. gf/bf) If not a few times a week of masterbation isn't the end of the world. Or are you seeking masterbation to run away from something (ie anxiety, depression) if thats the case you are using masterbation like alcohol, drinking when you feel like shit will make you feel more like shit. In my case I've masterbated so much for so long its a part of me and cutting it out is hard (ie look at my counter). But what i'm focusing on is what I can change so that I dont feel like I HAVE to masterbate. If i'm with my wife and we are fooling arround sometimes I masterbate just to shoot it somewhere else, sometimes I masterbate to release with her, she loves seeing it, (I hope thats not too forward, just trying to give context.
     
  10. Blue jeans

    Blue jeans Fapstronaut

    Thanks mate ☺️.
     

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