Quick intro - My Journal

Hey buddy,
If by the "f up" you mean your recent relapse, then I suggest you take a step back and consider this: Discouragement may well be the greatest obstacle to achieving our goal of longer and longer streaks. As hard as we must fight the urges to PMO or MO, we have to fight discouragement just as "courage"ously. Refuse to listen to it. Deny it when it whines that you will never ever succeed. Or that it's just too hard, everybody else does it anyway, every now and then is OK, and all the rest of that BS. There's a battle going on in each one of us, IMO, between our better nature and our selfish nature. The selfish nature can be very subtle and sneaky, and tries to hit us when we are unprepared. The better nature (who we truly are meant to be) has the upper hand only if it stays strong and alert for the "enemy's" tricks and lies.

Your relapses can teach you your weak spots, and you can then be more vigilant and prepared.

The only loser is the guy who falls down and stays there.

That's not you, Dan.

Much peace. Mike

 

I saw porn when I was 4 years old. Mind you, I come from an extremely loving family, and I've had some pretty successful accomplishments (symphony musician, invited to the white house, etc). As someone who just turned 22, I'm starting to understand what all of these years of loving pornography has done to my psyche. I had an amazing girlfriend which turned into a long distance relationship that slowly crumbled --- slow because of her deep love for me --- an erosion that lasted over the course of a couple of years. I never stopped watching porn, and at this point I attribute that as a number one cause of our messed up relationship. I bet you can't imagine the guilt I feel for inadvertently making her feel sub-par, less than holy. It's because I've been watching gay porn since I was 11. Now I feel that it has changed my sexuality, and has made me question almost everything.

To reclaim my life, I made a list of everything I truly want to accomplish for the year, and am going to give it my best effort to cross everything off that list. Day by day, I move closer to that accomplishment, with the same intensity that I'm applying to resisting the vicious PMO. In addition, I'm surrounding myself with friends, who I've always known but never felt really connected to. It's a new start for all of us. Most 30 yr old millionaires were broke when they were 20. They had to start somewhere.

Now is the time to change. Now we can do it. Every moment we inch toward our goal. Porn is disgusting. The connotation we have with it and "fun" will soon go away. I have over a decade's worth of momentum that's pushing me toward viewing pornography, but at the same time my whole life isn't about watching porn. I'm more than that, and it's time I start facing the truth of who I am.

Long story short, you can absolutely do it. You must do it. Your world depends on it. Cheers mate dan_w.

 

Never give up! Take it one day at a time.