lost girlfriend

Welcome to NoFap.

I'm sorry to hear about the troubles with your partner. The awful truth about porn and relationships is that you can't compete with porn stars. There are too many of them, they're always available, they always say yes, and they have professional camera and make up crews behind them. The difference is that you're real. That's your advantage, and you want a guy who will want to be with you, and not those pixels right? If so, that's your price of admission, and that's great. It's up to him to realize for himself if he wants you or porn.

That being said however, porn addiction is a really hard thing to break and overcome. It's so easy to fall into you're addicted before you even have time to comprehend what you're doing and how it will affect people around. And even if someone wants to quit, the urge to use anyway is really really powerful. You say he shows no guilt or empathy from him. How does he respond? Has he tried or considered quitting?

3 years is a long time to be dealing with this. Maybe it's time for an ultimatum..

 

Hey Xristina

I just joined nofap and I was about to post when I saw your post. I am married and I don't have a partner that has tried as much as you have yours, so I think your patience and understanding is really commendable. I am not sure if you have already seen this video, but for me it was a real eye opener as for the reasons someone becomes an addict and what helps them come out. https://www.ted.com/talks/johann_ha...you_know_about_addiction_is_wrong?language=en

Whatever happens, I hope both you, your partner and child find peace.

All the best
NowOrNever

 

Hi there Xristina

My wife has had some issues with me over the last few years, where she has ended up feeling the way you do. I've always tried to moderate my PMO habits and often with some success, but I think there are underlying challenges that can't necessarily be sorted out by simply addressing the PMO itself head on. If you sign up for the NoFrap academy, the three introductory videos are really useful, if you haven't already watched them.

One thing that has really inspired me to change, is that my wife has recently stepped into her own power. She has a great new job, she is more expressive about her own sexual needs, fantasies and experiences or lack of experiences. This has helped me to feel like a I can accept my own needs and desires and that I don't have to hide them or feel guilt about the things I want. I have not idea if this is helpful or relavent to your situation, but I hope you find some solace here either way.

I'm also new here and I'm planning to make some posts about what you have touched on, so feel free to comment on my posts if there's anything relevant to you there. Also I highly recommend watching TED talks by Esther Perel; very good for all couples to help redefine their relationships. Perhaps something you could watch together to initiate a discussion?

Good luck!
Bready

 

Hello...sounds like he doesn't believe he has anything to loose. I was in this same mind frame until recently my wife caught me for the 4th time in 5 yrs. The first few times she was in denial about how bad I of a problem i have. But lately she is serious about forcing me to face my fears...The fear of being alone without her and my child. Which is the reason I joined this community. If you want to help him he must realize that he has a problem and has something that will be gone from his life if he continues his destructive pattern. And you must realize that he is not no matter how bad it seems trying to hurt you directly with his addiction. He's in denial and mad at his self for not being able to stop.
Those are the first steps to start a change for a man and woman who want to break their cycle and remain together. My wife and I are trying to make it happen we have a long way to go.

 

Just saw Jimmy Dirtt's post here and I have to say I agree. However, my wife did not say 'I'll leave you if you don't quit porn'. She just focused on what she did best, worked on her own confidence and as a result, she is more attractive than ever. This stopped me in my tracks and made me think: 'Woah, I need to sort my shit out or else someone is going to sweep in and steal her away from me.' Amazingly motivational to see your wife becoming emotionally non-codependent.

 

It's so interesting to hear your story, because it makes me think about what my wife's perspective must be on my own story. So thank you for that.
If I could be so bold as to suggest something, give yourself time to work though all the material on here before confronting him again. Allow yourself time to get your head around how all of this works. Reopening the wound over and over is perhaps not so helpful until you feel you have the right tools to heal properly.

Also use this site - and any other resources - to empower yourself and focus on becoming the best person you can be, so that you're no longer dependent on his state of mind. Only he can fix himself and if you're in a good space when he's ready to do that then you have the best possible chance of success. I hope that's helpful.

 

You're doing great and you're in the right place.

 

If he doesn't want to help himself then there is nothing you can do to help him, except live a life of wanting needing and begging. Straight up truth. Your happiness is primary .

 

Highly recommend reading this post Xristina:
http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.ph...rs-about-rebooting-and-sex.45249/#post-313633
Most enlightening!

 

My contribution probably will not be very useful but I am hypothesizing that since she has her profile picture, she has been getting a lot more views and replies by posting once since this thursday than a guy that started his forum last month and posted continually.

hahaha... us, men.