105 days: My journey so far

Thanks for the support man. I was in a dark place to be honest, it felt like I was living in some kind of fever dream half the time. Good on you for also quitting caffeine! Personally it's made me slow down a lot, which is a good thing. I'm going about my days in a more mindful manner, compared to when I was sipping coffee all the time. Only downside is sleepiness in the mornings, but I find that a cup of tea also helps since it has a tiny bit of caffeine. I admire your mindset, gratefulness is such a powerful thing! Same goes for you, my DMs are always open.

Yeah, PMO really sucks you in. It's good that you're working on overcoming it, because it's taking your attention away from your otherwise great life! You're really gonna take off once you overcome this addiction!

They do and I really hope that they manage to work out their problems. I don't blame them, it just sucks that me and my sisters got caught up in it. I'm kind of glad that things turned out this way, because otherwise I'd have never been able to develop myself in this way and learn to stand on my own feet. I just hope that my mom and sisters can forgive me in the future and that we can get in contact again. I'm not ashamed of what happened anymore and I'm looking towards the future.
That sounds really good man. It's so weird, because by denying ourselves we are given so much more than we initially had. I hope you manage to find that job that you enjoy and that the drugs lose their grip on you. I have no doubt that the future holds amazing things for us.

I think my mom is just really shocked that I had these problems and that she never knew about them. I think she blames herself for what happened and that that is why she doesn't want to see me anymore, because she is ashamed. And I think she told my sisters about my addiction and they're only 18 so they probably think that I'm some kind of monster. Also the terms on which I left home were really bad. I was out of my mind, I was violent, I had arguments with and said awful things to them all the time. What really bothers me though is that my mom initially hugged me and said that everything was going to be okay and that a few days later she called me, saying she didn't want me there anymore and dropped me like a brick. I spent that Christmas and NYE pretty much alone.

I'm glad it was useful to you in some way! I honestly think that the mental burden is as heavy as the physical ramifications of what we've done and letting go of it and saying "This is who I am, take it or leave it." has really helped me to let go of some of that guilt and to set my eyes on the future. Good luck on your recovery man, I hope things are going well!

The premise is that we have many thoughts throughout the day and that when we are depressed or have bad anxiety, those thought patterns are very negative and they reinforce our already existing beliefs. So for example I am depressed and my mind twists everything into something negative and looks at other people and thinks "They probably think I'm a loser etc. etc." Cognitive behavioral therapy focuses on teaching you to change those negative thought patterns and this can make your entire life better, because we are no longer working against ourselves, but instead we are cheering ourselves on and being kind to ourselves.

 

It's still very much a work in progress. I have some emotional traumas that I need to work through so I'm focussing on that at the moment. My mental state is definitely better than what it was though.

I'm glad it was motivating for you to read! For me it's following God's law as laid out in the bible and trying my best to be more like Jesus and to become more humble and grateful for the things that are good in my life. I set aside a bit of time everyday to pray and to think about God and read the bible and other spiritual books. What really helps me is focusing on what I can do better and thinking about what I did that day and the actions that might have affected myself or others in a negative way and to work on those and try to become a better person.

Thank you for the kind words It means a lot. Wishing you lots of luck on your journey also!