The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 5 - Relapsed

I'll be honest, I don't know what I was doing this time. For some reason I was just listening to my addiction today, I genuinely have no idea what came over me, the addictions voice was just so overpowering today. It told me to try to figure out how to bypass my blocker and so I started trying, I didn't even have that strong of an urge, but after attempting to bypass my blocker, that act in itself gave me a really strong urge (I never bypassed it luckily) but at that point I had such a strong urge I just settled for manga website I found that had an adult genre section.
I even managed to stop myself a couple of times, I played a game with my friends for a couple of hours but then I just went back and kept looking for porn afterwards. I'm genuinely shocked that this even happened.

I'll do better.

 

A productive day but don't feel that good. Can't help but making those workouts really exhausting, so that after them feel some despair(after the last two), but it seems I got used to progress and somehow don't want to slow down. Tomorrow gonna have a day off from workouts. Urges now and then in the usual places but nothing major, especially I noticed them go up when i feel bad, guess something vestigial still there, something that used to went hard feelings through pmoing

 

Been out a few day, falling to a binge, but I am back now! Day 1 boyz!

 

458 days high king
524 days no PMO, semen retention

 

Day 21

I slept in today, which I don't like to do, but I think it was worth it in this case. I feel much better.

Today so far I've taken a cold shower. Coming up next are prayer, meditation, and a workout.

 

Life and death
I had to performed some difficult medical procedures last week, it's been a while since I did some medical practice. One patient died, it was unavoidable.

Right now things are going good with my girlfriend, it really opens your mind dealing with women. Also it's just another fantasy, even if you find the perfect woman the love of your life, there's death at the end of the tunnel.

Dealing with death makes you see things with a different perspective or maybe I'm just a little nostalgic for witnessing death once again.

 

day 90- grey wizard

 

Day 1
I finally did. I got my first step now. I will achieve my first goal of 3 days. No porn, No Masturbation.

 

443 days

 

@garmenclyde @bob200 @RiseToGreatness Thank you for your responses! I'll consider well what you've all said.

I missed a couple days, but I'm only at 1 day clean. I'm still relying very heavily on the porn blocker I installed on my phone. Occasionally it will stop working for some reason, and then I'm in trouble. That's what happened yesterday. I peeked a couple times throughout the day, and by the end of the day I was exhausted from fighting and gave in. Not cool. The urge to go back to that today and to start a binge of resets was strong, but I held out. Putting my phone in another room helped quite a bit.

St. Faustina Kowalska, pray for us!

 

10 days

 

Day 3. My first urge so its time to use my new defense strategie , listen to instrumental music to relax myself, read some reboot material, talk or write to a member of my family or someone important to me. let's keep going

 

Day 1, orc.

 

Had a major urge last night, but said no to my inner orc and went to sleep.

Day 3 - Orc.

 

75 days – You face difficulties walking though the razor-sharp winding paths of Emyn Muil. A fallen brother named Gollum offers help and guidance. He doesn´t seem reliable but he knows the way out of the maze, so you decide to follow him.

I am now in the two towers!

 

Day 3!

 

I fly out today to a business meeting. I will be in a hotel by myself for two nights. This is normally a recipe for disaster for me. I’m planning to stay up late talking to my buddies so that I don’t have extra time in the room. When I get back to the room I will stay off my phone, read my actual bible and pray for God to give me strength. Today is day 226 no PMO. Please pray for me that I make it to to 228.

 

Prayed for you just don't think you are alone even if nobody is around you, for we are all connected and with you. It's only a matter of what you choose to believe, what you choose to keep in your mind. For Oneness is the truth but choosing to believe you are separate(for whatever it may give to you) makes you blind and deaf to the truth.

 

Day 10!

Double digits!

I want to go all the way, not until I’ll be an elf or a grey wizard but until I win.

There must be people that truly won against this evil and are truly free. All of them are not even in this website anymore and are out there living life without PMO at all. I want it for myself someday. But I also admire the people that have reached hundred of days and are still here helping us noobs.

So this is my grand plan. I will be here Everyday, PMO free. To help and support myself and everyone else as much as I can. But on February 8, 2023 I will become a white wizard and start my new path in life, outside the form and the daily reminder that I am/was an addict.

It is by far the best streak that I’ve had and I’ve never been more sure that it is worth it to get out.

 

37 days!
Urges are coming back, it's the third day that I woke up having to fight them. My anxiety feelings are getting better and this makes me hopeful for the future. I can see that NoFap has been changing much more in my life than just a dirty sexuality.
This Thursday I'm going to travel with my family for the whole weekend, so I won't be able to check in here. Gonna enjoy that time and visit some museums that I've always wanted to visit. Those experiences reminds me that there's much more joy about life than just PMO.

God bless us all!