A year of goddam failure

It is not square one. You learn with mistakes. It takes time. But I recommend using that frustration you have built to focus more on nofap and to not relapse.

 

I'm in a similar boat. Used to find it easy to get far, now struggle to get to a week.

I think the issue is momentum. If you keep relapsing at the same points again and again, it becomes force of habit to do it, as opposed to something caused by urges or whatever. Once you build up some momentum, put some time between you and the last reset, it's easier and easier to avoid them because that becomes the learned behaviour just as easily.

Problem is, I dont really have advice for how to guarantee this momentum can be built, short of locking yourself in a padded cell with your hands tied behind your back for a month. With that in mind, keep trying. Noble struggle is better than pathetic defeat. Even if you mess up along the way.

 

I've been involved in this mess for nearly 30 years. I was 15 months clean and relapsed. When I did, it was over and over about every 7 days. I have started a new journey now and am determined to beat this. I think you will beat it too!

 

Maybe for you it seems normal, but I'd say it's pretty toxic to talk shit about yourself. Yes, just calling yourself an idiot ain't much, but it just adds on and on and someday that self-talk might ruin you.
You're good. Not the way you are now, but you can do better and you're not an idiot.
Keep on going strong. You will make it!

 

What happened at 15 months?

 

I was searching on google for pictures of a DIY project for my backyard. I didn't have my safesearch on. In fact, I actually didn't know about it at the time. Though what I was searching for was completely harmless, I run into P. I clicked off of the page but I kept thinking about that picture for days. I went back on purpose and not only viewed that picture but many others on the same site. At the time, I didn't really have a support system like I do now so it became more and more frequent. I was viewing more and more extreme stuff. This went on for a few years. My last relapse made me feel so horrible that I made the decision to be done with it. That is how I ended up joining this site.

 

This is the longest streak I’ve ever put together. As far as I can tell I’m done for good. Your post caught my eye. Thanks for sharing.

 

When I read the title I keep reading as "1 year of golden failure" ha! And it's just as well because we learn when we fail, don't we?

You got this, king. It's never truly day 0 even when it feels like it is.

 

All of this is very relatable. To join in with the bitching, despite the fact that I am over 150 days without porn I can’t get laid to save my life. It was blowing it with a woman last spring that finally put me on a path to a life without porn. If I remain porn free for the rest of my life then I will consider the price worth paying. That is to say, if it had to be this way then I can live with it.

I am not going tell you that you can change your life because it could be that you can’t. It could be that you aren’t ready. It could be that you don’t really want to. It could be that you want to let porn go but you have some other compelling reason that you don’t understand that keeps driving you back.

All I know for sure is that for me, once I saw directly how I was using porn to hide the reality of my incompetence with woman from myself I just could not do it anymore. Five months later I am still too stupid to get the women I want into bed, or to have a clear understanding of where and how to meet the ones I want in the first place. I’ve read the recommended books and listened to podcasts on the matter and while my understanding has improved my ability to apply that understanding does not yet hold. I imagine for you and porn it is sort of the same: you know or have a sense of what you are supposed to do and what you could do but for whatever reason you can’t yet do it when it matters most.

Whatever happens, whatever you chose to do know this: you are not alone.

 

Maybe is time to hit them weights bro, to get some healthy dopamine

 

Also what the heck?

A @SickSicko thread? Maybe because it's october the month of the dark side.

 

You learn what mistakes ... The issue is about self control , hormones, compulsions , and actively harnessing those towards other activity . Alot of the time people are going round and round in circles they know full well what triggers they have what things they should apply to distract and be more productive . But it all comes down you self control . When it matters ..... Can you sit in that moment when urges are high and say NO .

I think alot of people in theory are trying and hit a small streak until there hormones spike and they cave in instantly .

All the other very important factors like being productive , exercise , relationships . Solid sleep pattern etc all make a difference to divert energy especially from an overly ideal mind . But people don't want to be uncomfortable EVER . The only way to realistically get past that discomfort is to sit in it .

Makes you wonder is NoFap possible realistically. Plenty of married men in there 50s +60s joke about the inability to stop even at 50 and 60 and married. Freud said all energy is sexual energy .

At 50 and 60 you would expect a decline in hormones which doesn't seem to make a whole lot of difference when it comes to compulsive sexual behaviours

 

You got this, my dude. You're still trying, that's more than most can say.

 

Try not to be too hard on yourself. You’re on this Forum, being forthcoming rather than lying to yourself. My guess is there are millions of addicts out there living in denial.

Check out what others are dealing with and their ideas. I recommend sticking to threads discussing fellow addicts’ personal challenges and approaches, as you have, rather than tangential nonsense.

I’m a half century older than you with a long history, but I’m not giving up. Hang in there. I know that sounds easy to say, hard to actually do, but, as I’ve said, simply by being here you’re on the right track. Think of it as One Day at a Time.

Best wishes.

 

How you can learn something when you doing same thing again and again. If you not spot any difference in your mindset next time you decide quit porn , then why you should not relapse this time?

 

I'm in the same place as the OP, never managed more than two weeks in a row during the last two years. Reflecting on my NoFap journey, I decided to give it another try even though I didn't come up with any new strategies or enlightening thoughts. There is no reason to expect more success this time.
However, I stumbled upon a quote that is (probably incorrectly) ascribed to William the Silent:

"Point n'est besoin d'espérer pour entreprendre, ni de réussir pour persévérer."

"You don't need hope to start something, nor success to persevere."


This may or may not speak to you. I know it did to me. Today is my 7th day. Will I make it to 30 this time? Probably not. But I'm going to give it all I got.

@SickSicko: There is nobility in trying and failing if the goal is worthwhile. You're doing just fine.

 

It could be. But you know, it could become excuses to just watch porn in ocations. "Ups, I failed, okey I try again" and next time when you feel uncontrollable urge you tell yourself "okey, I been quite time without porn - Its normal to fail". It's like getting out from one trap and jump to another, . What's is the goal, try to control this addiction? Or be free for life? If you think its possible to control, then bad news, it's not, that's why it called addiction.

I'm very serious about all porn trap. I'm in 30, I waisted arround 1000hours of my life , which is nothing comparing how much energy and motivation I lost, how much opportunities lost. I don't want to waist any more second on this shit. It's either you want to watch porn or not. How you can tell one day - I don't want watch it and next day watch. Why anyone needs this schizophrenia.

If you preparing for failure, you gonna definitely fail at some point. It's like rally driving course, they don't teach you how to not hit tree, they teach how to stay on track. Failure is not an option, of course it happens. And if you fail you need to be very angry on yourself and use that anger to motivate yourself to dig deeper into the problem. Not to excuse "it just the failure, it's normal" .
When your approach to woman is wrong and you fail to create attraction to her. You still gonna fail if you don't change approach. Failure itself does not make you to change approach, many men live whole life failing and couldn't understand how to approach woman.
Mindset for failure should be "okey, what happened is already happened, what cause my failure? If that's true then what can I do about it? If I can't change it, can I live with that?
and not simply "it is normal to fail"