I'm tired of not knowing what I'm attracted to.

[LONG POST]

23 year old male here with a weird and unhealthy fetish. I get aroused when I think about getting squashed.. Yeah you heard it right, I feel a sense of pleasure when I am being used like a chair. My squashing fetish isn't gender specific, meaning I'm into getting squashed by men and women. I'm not talking about any men or women, but big or overweight men or women. I'm also 100% sure that I have a non-gender specific fat fetish.. How did all this start? When I was in kindergarden, my teacher used to sit on all the kids that were acting up or not listening.. yeah.. and why did I mention this? Because I pretty much think that this triggered my fetish for big women and getting squashed. At age 10/11 I remember looking up mild squashing porn and googling big women. I then discovered that there was a fat fetish community where fat women were called BBW (big beautiful women). After years of checking every single squashing content available and exhausting my brain from big women on skinny men squashing porn, I started to switch over to big men on skinny men squashing porn. Things started to get nude around this time. I have started to feel aroused watching big naked men sit on skinny men. So now I get turned on by this act no matter if done by a male or female. It started to escalate to the point where I created accounts on gay websites dedicated to extremely overweight men and other men that love them. I messaged lots of big men and had fantasies of them squashing me with their weight. This went on for years now. But to this day, never EVER have I had thoughts of having sex with them. I would never have sex with a man, yet when I walk past a fat guy on the streets I turn my head around and think about getting squashed by him or how his fat turns me on. I am not sexually attracted to guys, it is just my squashing fetish. I have a few friends that are overweight and we often wrestle like guys usually would and would have them sit on my back and I get aroused by it without them knowing, still, there is NO sexual attraction at all. It's like my fetish doesn't care which gender as long as it is about squashing. After 10 years of exhausting my brain from men on men or women on men (sometimes even men on women) squashing porn, it is time to stop! I am 23 years old, still a virgin, never had sex with anyone. Because of my strong squashing fetish, sex doesn't get me sexually aroused at all! There are no girls in my life at all, that might be why my brain puts more focus on men when it comes to my fetish. People often talk about sex and how they get a boner when they see a hot women, but I never got a boner just because someone has a nice butt or is super hot. I never had a crush, never had any sexual thoughts. I never even fapped in my life. Most of the time I just wake up after having a wet dream. Am I just weird? I'm thinking that I might be asexual because I never thought about sex, but after reading through the forums I am thinking that my addiction to squashing porn was so bad that I never gave my brain the "chance" to get sexually aroused by sex. All I want is a healthy relationship with a woman, have sex every now and then and make kids. Thats all. So because of my fetish, All I am into is squashing. Never had a sexual attraction to anyone, never thought about having sex, never fapped in my life and now I'm 23. Do you think quitting porn could rewire my brain to start liking woman and wanting to have sex with them? I never had any sexual contact with a woman so I don't know how my body would respond. Someone please help me.. all these thoughts are making me depressed. Am I just an asexual with a non-gender specific squashing fetish?

 

Hey thanks for your response. When I was around 14/15 or even 16 I think I had my testosterone levels checked and I've been told my the doctor that my testo levels are higher than usual. I am also quite hairy and developed a beard early on. My legs are covered in hair and my voice is as deep as it can get.

I don't think it's due to my testo levels.
My sexual orientation is just so stunted man like you said. I was depressive because I thought I was gay or something. Not saying that it is wrong to be gay but I just don't want to be. I just want to be able to get a hard one and eventually ejaculate so I can make kids loll just so confused here.

 

I might haha

 

I haven't watched any sexual content since I posted this thread. I hope I can feel a difference...

 

Thanks your responding man. Were you able to get a boner by anything other than trampling/squashing? I have been feeding my brain for as long as I can remember with this fetish so getting turned on by anything other than this fetish seems to be impossible for now. I've had romantic attractions but words can hardly describe how it feels. But when it comes to having sex the real struggle starts there. I hope it'll change... My brain things in order to be turned on I need squashing or trampling..

 

What has changed? Like what is it that you find attractive that you didn't find attractive when you were heavily PMOing with your trampling fetish?

 

I laugh at myself too because Im a fkin joke man