I'm so thankful I found this place. I need help!

Well thats the point. We all have life outside of this addiction. But when we are alone.. that is when we are weakest.
So first thing would be is to do something about that and start changing habbits.
And welcome to the forum! Hope everything goes well

 

Welcome @reboot001 !

Many people find it useful to read the journals of others in their age cohort, and establish a journal of their own. Writing a journal of your ideas and experiences clarifies your thoughts and attracts supporters who can provide invaluable advice and support.

You can begin by taking a look at the 40+ forum. We have a great community going.

Stay strong,

-EK

 

Welcome!
The first step often is one of the most difficult ones.
You'll find a good community here that supports one another

 

Hi reboot001, do you have a stash, if so, have you been able to delete it yet?

 

It will take a firm hand, and power of decision, to change an addiction that you have fed for so long. If you are truly in earnest, you can do it. Change like this is not for the weak-minded, the hesitant, the vacillating, or the lazy. It will require considerable effort--you will think it takes virtually all you have got. But it is more than possible. And it is worth it! Others have conquered, and you may as well.

My tips for you would be these:

1) Eradicate all of your current stash--just like a smoker who is quitting must remove or destroy every cigarette within his home or environment. Because porn is ubiquitous, and can be accessed freely at any time, unlike cigarettes which cost something and are only available during store hours, trashing your stash is more about "I AM DONE WITH THIS!" than it is about actually preventing you from accessing it. It is an act of will; a clear mental turning point or milestone for yourself that will give you greater confidence going forward.

2) Begin immediately to turn the tide of your thoughts. The entire addiction begins in the mind, not the body as many suppose. One thought, allowed to linger in the mind, will awaken bodily passions which will increase your difficulty severely. It just isn't worth it. Don't fantasize, daydream, or in any way mentally drool over what you are choosing to avoid from now on. This means no more thoughts about porn, no more thoughts about masturbation, and, for now at least, no thoughts even about your wife until and unless you are together and ready for intimacy. Your passions must be routed and curbed, and this will take some weeks before your habits of thought will begin to noticeably change to the point where seeing the beautiful lady cross the road ahead of you won't spark thoughts of objectifying her in your mind. It is important to put any such thought out of mind immediately--as soon as you recognize it for what it is.

3) Change your daily routine. Spend less time in compromising places, e.g. the bathroom. You might choose to start drinking more water, cut out coffee and tea, stop drinking alcohol, stop smoking, start going to bed earlier and waking up earlier in the morning, begin a daily exercise routine, spend more time with your children, cook a meal a day or wash the dishes every morning--anything that will help your mind to focus on a new habit that will take the pressure off of thinking of the old habit that you're trying to kick. The mind is not very good at forgetting--but adapts better to learning something new; so use the new routine as a means of distracting you from your former thought habits and of directing your thoughts in a new direction.

4) I would recommend keeping a journal. Many choose to keep one here, but it's not a bad idea to get out the old paper and pen. In any case, a little "metacognition" or introspection will often help one to remember his or her goals and to see the big picture. This will make it easier to be motivated to stay the course.

5) Exercise is super important. This addiction is tightly integrated with the body's hormonal system, and hormones include the parasympathetic system that makes you feel stress. Exercise is the best stress reliever possible, and it will help to temper your body's urges in multiple other ways, including regulating your appetite, helping you sleep better at night, moderating your heart rate, and improving stomach/intestinal action so that bowel irritation does not contribute to lustful urges.

6) If you're really serious about quitting the PMO cycle, your diet deserves some attention. Animal foods have hormones, and there is very little difference in hormonal makeup from one mammal to the next. Meat and eggs, therefore, will tend to increase your passions. (Milk doesn't seem to be a problem for me personally, but when I was on hard mode, I sure noticed that eggs made my life difficult, especially the day after.) Spices also increase the lustful appetites but for a different reason: they irritate the bowel and bring more blood flow to the nether regions as a result. By "spices" I do not mean the vegetable peppers, like a good serrano pepper, etc., but rather the salt-shaker variety of dried and powdered pepper. Spices also means things like cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves; but would not include simpler herbs like basil, thyme, oregano, or cumin. Basically, if it's an irritant, avoid it. I have had friends who swore peanut butter would inflame their passions. Each person has a different body chemistry, so just pay attention to what your own body tells you.

I may have said things a little differently or added more tips in the links in my signature, so check those for more.

Courage!

 

Well done for standing up and reaching out. It's often very difficult for people to admit they have a problem. it is not an easy addiction to overcome but many of the tips that have already been shared are very useful. Also i would add, getting in touch with your spiritual side and exploring that can be very helpful.

Being part of a community is important and so is trying to get to the root of the self destructive behaviour by finding a good therapist or counselor. That can be very difficult though because there aren't many who specialise in porn or sex addiction.

I found that for me, i struggled with self esteem and used to believe the toxic masculinity portrayed in porn was something I had to aspire to in order to be 'happy' in truth, no one can achieve that. Today I have understood a different set of standards to measure myself by and i no longer put women on a pedestal or spend inordinate amounts of time 'fantasising' it's really important to learn to live 'in the moment' and accept reality, accept the things you cannot change, have the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference.