How to understand that i don't need a woman to be happy

Your understanding is incomplete. Men are valued based on what they are capable of doing. If all you are capable of doing is beating off on the internet and playing video games while holding down a mediocre job then your ability to attract women will be very low. Women and people more generally in the world at large don't care about who you are they care about what you can do for them. Who you are will always be defined in those terms. Once you accept that fact, the only thing left to do is cultivate yourself: start working on developing your latent abilities. And don't stop until you die. If you are going to attract the women you want into your life, and the friends you want, developing and signaling your value is the only way to do it. Actualizing your potential is the only option.

 

Believe me, that for women this situation is much harder.
If they come close to the biological clock, then they are forced by community to get married and have children.
If they are older (40+) and single, then it is really hard for them because they are seen as Leftovers.

 

Since i am 24, single and never had a girlfriend in my life, i fell like i'm called upon
Every time i meet my relatives, here comes the question

So i know the feeling trust me!

I agree when you say if you have girls you have value; but this is just the common, low value view of 99% of people.
I have a friend, i know him since i was 6. He can't be single, he can't live with himself alone, he always needs a girl to live for. Last week he broke up, 5 mins later he was chatting with his ex-gf. This is sad, because he will commit suicide if he will find himself on that island someday! You can't base happyness on the girlfriend alone

Your question was how to overcome all of this, and I don't now what is good for you, but i can tell you what is working for me.
I'm focusing on myself, increasing my value

Since I don't feel comfortable where I am know, because i'm sure I can have my dream life, financial freedom and a beautiful girl who loves me, i'm committed to be the best version of myself.
(oh the first step is NOFAP, just to point this out)
Meanwhile i keep my eyes open, ready to find the girl i want

 

You've got it backwards.

 

You quoted just half of the sentence!

 

Ha, yeah that's true.

 

22 year old woman/ girl here (I don't really feel like a grown up yet).
No, we don't need a partner in life. It is one of those things that we just get told from early age, and from all sides, so we just end up believing that it's true. In my culture, men usually don't get judged by their relationship status. I know very "career-successful" men who are single and they still get admired.
For women it's indeed less acceptable to be single, since most of them are not really career driven, so if they don't marry and take care of children, they are seen as useless. That's only a subsconcious thought ofc but there is some truth onto it.

So, about being single.
At the end, we will all end up as dust, and we will remain dust for billions of years. We only get a few moments to live in comparison to the time in which we will be non-existent. I mean, life is short and we should not follow every dumb idea. Many societal norms are important, but the "u need to be in a relationship" thing is just wrong.

If you are happy without a girl, then you don't need to chase girls only because society expects it.

 

This is 100% true, nice words.

 

Thanks, I forget I am capable of this sometimes. Like I'll write it, come back and reread it and be like shit, I said that!? lolz

 

I'd say just enjoy your physical body and your mind. If you are feeling really good in your body and mind, then it won't really be painful to not have a girl in your life or to have any sex at all.

Work out, eat healthy, do well at your job. I saw a quote earlier yesterday, it goes something like this "If a man is a street sweeper, he should sweep the streets just as Beethoven composed music and Michealangelo did artwork. He should be such a good street sweeper that the Heavens stop, and look down at him, and say 'Wow, that man is a good street sweeper"

Here is something that makes me feel like I'm on drugs, although it is 100% natural. I go to the gym and swim laps, Then I come home and use my juicing machine to make an orange/grapefruit fresh juice. I drink it and feel energized. Then I go outside and lay in the sun. The rays of the sun, combined with the juice, combined with how loose and good my body feels from swimming creates a great natural high. There is no urge to PMO, there is no sadness of being single, just the feeling of the body is enough for contentment.

Just focus on your health man. From your tips of your toes to the top of your head. And also, don't PMO. That hurts the body doesn't help it.

 

I know what you're saying. There are many guys who use the relationship as social status. They go out of their way to find the most attractive looking girl they can get, regardless of her personality, feed her, pamper her, put her on a pedestal and put up with her bad attitude just so she can stay in their lives, all the while knowing she can just snap her fingers and upgrade at any time. These guys constantly live in fear and they're always bending over backwards.
I dont believe though that the need for love is a social condition, that's a different thing all together. I see couples all the time, guys with hot girls and I can tell they hate each other.
If you were on a desert island you wouldn't kill yourself because of how society's conditioned you, you would just feel miserable cause you dont have the chance to feel love anymore.

 

Buddhism's post is the best insight you can get on this issue.

The only thing I would add, which many people talk about on this site,
is that the main motivator for NoFap is "life improvement"

Life improvement can be financial or not. It's about "actualizing your potential".

I say that because some people are gifted in professions that don't pay well, like cops, the military, pastors or teachers.

It's such a weird world that kids grow up sitting in rooms all day, wacking and playing video games.

 

You probably don't have that urge because you are on easy mode.

 

No, I am on hardmode right now. I had sex one time on day 22, but that girl no longer is talking to me really much at all.

 

Thanks. Now if only I could parlé my insight into a healthy social life I might not keep suffering bouts of depression. I spend a lot more time working on myself than I used too, but I still spend too much time alone. No dates. Not meeting new women. Not sure where to go or what to do to change that. I am going to try a yoga class on Friday.

 

Me too, I'm a downright hermit.
But nothing motivates me to chase girls anymore because I'm not lonely enough.
Sometimes I feel a vague lonely feeling, but it's not this powerful, controlling feeling like the first two years after my divorce.
It seems wrong to be like this but it's the path of least resistance for me.
I just don't like meeting strangers anymore. Most of them who will have a conversation are usually not people you'd want to get to know further. Most of them are just building up to get you to give them money, in some indirect way.

 

If you had sex, you aren't on hard mode. Hard mode is no porn, m, or orgasm. So either you are on easy mode, or if it's hard mode, then your day count is wrong. If you are on hard mode, then your badge is wrong.

 

for sure, I understand and respect your perspective on the different modes. So yea then technically I am on easy mode. I am viewing my badge as no porn, no masturbation, and the only time I will do anything sexual with a girl is if it’s a girl that I would want to get married to. No random hookups or hookers or one night stand type stuff. My goal is to never masturbate or look at porn ever again my entire life.

but yea, you are right I’m on easy mode then