Does this sound/seem like desensitization at work?

This is the wrong way of thinking entirely. As someone who had to deal with severe PIED because of years of addiction you need to stop fantasizing and trying to force erections.

What you're doing can be considered a form of edging and testing yourself which will only take your recovery even longer. You see the only real moment you need to get an erection is when you're with your sexual partner, this is always going to be the one and only test you need to pass.

The quickest way to PIED recovery (in my experience) is to stop touching your penis entirely and stop thinking about arousing fantasies. (Yes I know its hard and it can be demoralizing seeing it limp and lifeless, the dreaded flatline phase) The only time you should be touching yourself is to pee and bathe. Basically you need to treat your PIED like an alcoholic would treat a bottle of bourbon...stay away, don't touch it, don't smell it, don't even think about it. In time you will start noticing your penis hanging a little fuller, you'll start noticing more morning woods, you'll start getting random spontaneous erections while lying down on the couch watching TV.

You'll get to the point where you don't even need to think of arousing thoughts, your normal healthy erections will come on their own, even by simply touching it in the shower and not even thinking about anything sexual.

I know this might sound harsh but I speak from experience, trying to think of things in your head and trying to force up an erection is only helping the messed up circuitry in your brain that has been conditioned to only get up to online porn pixels and mental fantasy and not a real person in front of you.