A cheater always a cheater?

You literally said "I thought about it." You thought about it? What's there to think about? I used to work in a place where half the men who traveled cheated on their wives because of that whole idea that she'll never find out about it. We know. We don't have to know but we know.

 

And he is a she.

 

You also said "I will never ever cheat on a girl again." And then you said "Because I have never done it and I would like to understand the underlying causes of cheating" So which is it? saying "I will never ever cheat on a girl again" implies to me that you've already done it before. I'm confused.

 

OK. I interpreted that as "I thought about doing it".

 

Post #1 and Post #11. I literally copied/pasted from your posted messages. So yeah, you did say that. And you made reference to me as a he when I am a she. Get it?

 

1.In my case I wouldn't forgive a cheater. Your SO should be someone you can trust and when she cheats that just isn't possible anymore. Any time you look at that person you will be reminded of what he/she did. Also the person that got cheated on will most likely start to feel insecure himself.
You could decide to forgive that person but I don't think that will lead to a happy life. The best thing you can do is cut all ties with the person and move on with your life.

2.I would say that if person cheats one then she will cheat again. There are many reasons why a person cheats but one fact is that the person that gets cheated on will always get hurt on an emotional level. You should avoid starting any relationship with a person that cheated in the past . Life is short and you should be careful with who you chose to associate.

3. I wouldn't say it is the same for women and men to cheat.
I would say that it is worse if a women cheats then a man. First reason is the number of potential cheating opportunities.
As a woman it is much easier to find a potential partners since there a lot of wiling males. While for males that is not true.
Additionally women tend to form emotional connections with their cheating partners easier then men and women can get pregnant while men can't

 

I like the idea of seeing if they’ll do the work necessary to stop cheating.

but I won’t date girls who have a history of cheating and don’t seem like they have a high chance of staying faithful to me. Or if they’re very promiscuous within the past year.

 

Have any of you guys even considered why women do cheat? It isn't for the same reasons that you do. I also find the double standard of hypocrisy thick with this idea that if a woman cheats she is somehow less of a person worthy of a relationship than a man. But whatever. If she cheats on you rest assured it's not exactly because you were treating her like a partner. If you were she wouldn't give it an ounce of consideration.

 

I think Esther Perel has spoken and written very wisely and sensibly about this subject.



Every case is different I would say. It is for the couple to decide if they will work things out or split up.
I vehemently disagree that there is any difference in men and women cheating. It both hurts like hell.

 

That is true but the probability that someone who is cheated on is hurt on an emotional level is high. Or do you disagree?

I never said that one gender cheats more then other. I said that one gender has more opportunities/easier to cheat then other
and If a recall correctly there is a big difference between STDs and having a child

 

This really hit home. You just spoke my mind.

I agree with each and every point.
And I can strongly believe the statement once a cheater always a cheater. I have known many females who were serial cheaters. Speaking from first hand exp.
Never trust a cheater again. Let alone start a relationship with one. NEVER forgive them and give a second chance. Cheaters and serial cheaters are shitty human beings that are prone to continue this self destructive cycle.

 

Ya keep waiting for the statistical data until then keep preaching this. While naive guys would fall into the trap of forgiving and giving another chance to a cheater. Only to be cheated on again.
Once a cheater will always be a cheater. I can vouch for that.
The observation is not jus from my life but including couple of other relationships. Where chances were given to cheaters. And the end result is jus the same.
When ppl like us try to inform it jus gets put down by this simple statement "there's no evidence/data". This is jus sickening.

This is whole other topic. Which I don't even wish to get into. But ya keep questioning if its ok for men to cheat but not women. Well, sure women should cheat as much as men or even more than them!
I agree with each and every point of @muhagg.
And I stand by it!

 

-1 DISAGREE!

 

Victim blaming looks ugly. Man or woman cheating...it's all bad.