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How to understand that i don't need a woman to be happy

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by p1p2, Oct 2, 2021.

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  1. I consider easy mode to be anything less than abstaining from PMO.
    Because even though porn is the bigger problem, the orgasm ruins the brain.
    It doesn't matter if the orgasm is partnered or through M.
    About urges, you may not have as many urges on an easier mode.
    But avoiding urges is not the goal.

    The goal is to feel those urges and learn discipline.
    This brings good things to a man.
    That's why I think anything less than hard mode is a waste of time,
    but that's just my opinion.
    And I have never counted a streak when I wasn't on hard mode.
    Some people might agree, some might not.

    If you want to get the benefit, you have to suffer for a while.
     
  2. Then my question is why not do a reboot on hard mode?
    Too difficult for you?
    You could do it if you wanted.

    My opinion about easier modes is that it's like carrying a gun with no bullets.
    You really won't have an edge in life, just like an unloaded gun will not give you
    an advantage on the street.
     
    It is Finished and jcl1990 like this.
  3. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    Well, yea I could attempt a hard mode reboot. And I could tell any possible romantic interest that I want to wait until marriage or wait until we know each other better, that is true. I just haven't done that before. I guess deep down I think it would backfire and the girl would end up going with another guy. And then I'd be there regretting my hard mode reboot decision.
     
  4. Agent

    Agent Fapstronaut

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    Life without any good bounds with people is almost futile and insignificant that's why lonely people are often suicidal. It's not about sex or having that one night stand, but about finding people who get along with you and love you truly.
     
  5. Ok, then my question is this:

    if you are only worried about a "possible romantic interest",
    it sounds like you do not currently have one?

    So it sounds like you have set aside an important life improvement process
    for someone who you don't know yet?

    Is it wise to structure your life goals and priorities around a total stranger?

    Don't be offended, I am just reflecting what you are writing.

    I respond like this so you can think it over, not for starting a debate.
     
    Buddhism Is True likes this.
  6. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    For sure, understandable perspective. I’m not just doing NoFap for women though. I also think that dating women will help me though in my streak. Because viewing porn over the years has filled me with some wrong perspectives on women, relationships, intimacy. I’ve never had a true long term relationship before.

    but I have done a lot of solo hanging out and just being by myself doing self improvement things.

    so I think in my case, dating a woman will actually help with the healing process. I noticed just by hanging out with the one girl I mentioned early on in the streak, that my mind and emotions were altered. Altered in a good way.

    so that’s kind of the perspective I’m coming from.

    What are the benefits of going completely celibate for a period of time? Is it the raw discipline of it?
     
  7. That's pretty mature. If you go that way about it, probably it's ok.

    I personally don't just because the isolation helps me.

    Yes. I think in my case, being celibate kind of straightened my emotions out.

    Because I realized that my main needs from people basically went back to the need for sex. It may not be like that for anybody else. This sickened me.

    Why did I want to make it in music? For money.
    Why did I trade options? For money.
    Why did I write books? For money.

    But I didn't need "wealth", which puzzled me. Why was I so over the top in the drive?

    I was trying to get money, to get a car, a house, for status, and all that junk was
    just to get chicks.

    I discovered that because I didn't really want those things.

    In the case of a car, I was happy if it worked and the radio worked.

    Why did I need a Jaguar then? It was absurd. It was just about getting sex, getting a woman's approval, getting a hotter woman, getting a famous woman.

    This kind of introspection allowed me to see things. Most people can't because
    they are too busy earning a living or running around after crap.

    If all this was for sex, if I didn't need sex so badly, then I really didn't need all that junk.

    The worst part about materialism that few realize is that most people attach themselves to it.

    I had a coin collection that I stored in my mini storage unit. Someone picked the lock and stole it out of my unit.

    It wasn't much. I had a few things in there that had a bit of value, like a Nazi pfennig, but most of it was wheat pennies and bicentennial quarters. I had those coins in a bell jar since I was a kid. Now it was gone without a trace.

    I was angry. I blamed the mini storage company, I was mad at the cops who never did an investigation, I was mad at the street hoods in the area, I was sad that part of my youth was ripped away from me, behind my back.

    There was a lot of sadness. How many times did I go through box after box? How many searches, all empty? Another search left me in a depressed, powerless state.

    That jar probably would not yield $20 in coins. See the problem?

    I attached to the jar because it was attached to money which was the road to sex.

    How much more when you buy the house in the gated community, the Lambo, and eat at the exclusive restaurant?

    Isolation and celibacy puts that stuff into perspective, that those things are not you. Sex is not you. You have your own value, your own potential. Your ability to see that, to nurture it is the power of the streak/reboot, or celibacy.

    Just my opinion. It's about me, I can't say for other people.
     
    sohardrn, p1p2, Buddhabro2.0 and 2 others like this.
  8. jcl1990

    jcl1990 Fapstronaut

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    well, I enjoyed reading what you just wrote. Also, I’ve still only had sex the one time on this streak, so I am basically in isolation as well. I’m not sure if that girl will hang out again with me.

    but honestly I am in somewhat of a similar mindset as you used to be. My main motivation for making money and trying for “success” is for sex. That’s kind of always how I viewed life in a way.

    but I guess what I’m wondering is, what else is there to motivate myself? If I’m not striving to look good and try hard in this society in order to have sex, then what can be my motivation?

    is it trying to reach enlightenment? Is is trying to get disciples for Jesus? Is it trying to do good deeds to accumulate good karma?

    This conversation kind of makes me a think a little bit in a nihilistic way. Is there perhaps no purpose to life at all?

    I’m not a nihilist, but if the goal isn’t sex, then what is another healthy goal to strive towards?
     
    sohardrn likes this.
  9. Thank you, my friend.

    Don't sweat her. There are always going to be a ton of hot girls out there. As you age, that option gets easier and easier to pursue.

    Yes, I've been over this hump myself. It started to feel like nothing was worthwhile.

    This is another benefit of NoFap, isolation and celibacy.

    And I thought, "why in the heck do I play music? It doesn't pay, probably never will, and it's expensive to continue. Women I meet don't validate it. And I worked my butt off."

    I got really pessimistic, but there was a lot of emptiness inside.

    Then I started to realize something, that I was able to see value that other people didn't see. They don't and they don't have to.

    To me, that is the determining factor in making a choice, is if I can evaluate it's value in a more pure way.

    What I mean is that in the case of music, if I like it, that is the value. I'm hearing it, I'm enjoying it, it is good, there is value for me.

    So then what is worth pursuing? Kindness, integrity, honesty, evangelism, of course.
    The fruits of the spirit in the Bible.

    You don't have to solve major world problems. All you have to do is act in a way that lines up with your faith.

    That gives a lot of value to people, and God honors that and will bless that.

    When I used to deliver food, I forgot to get this woman her drink. I felt bad, so I drove all the way back, got the drink and took it to her. It was the type of thing I thought was worth taking responsibility for, but it was a drive. The roads were snowy and slippery, it was winter. It was dark, cold, and about 7 extra miles. I could have blown it off, but I didn't. Would it be worth it?

    Well, it was, because for the next 9 months, I was always slammed. I rarely sat in my car and waited. The tips paid as much as the fee!

    Then I got some wisdom. I began to live cheap. I saved a lot of money, and invested it. My account just blew up.

    That's all you have to do man to get blessed. God will bless even a non-believer, if he has integrity.

    When you act righteously, God starts to propel you in your reboot. You will get the answers you didn't understand. It could be from someone in the know, from a book, a you tube video, but you will find the next piece of the puzzle.

    Then you will start to have incredible joy, prosperity and wisdom. There's a freedom that comes from knowing your money is clean, you got it the hard way. That momentum that God builds in you will complete you. And the woman that comes through that process is going to be even better than you thought. Better than what you could get on your own.
     
    sohardrn and jcl1990 like this.
  10. It is Finished

    It is Finished Fapstronaut

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    Wow that puts it perfectly.
     
  11. p1p2

    p1p2 Fapstronaut

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    That was a long time, guys. Thanks a lot for all your answers.

    About me... I'm being celibated. Currently, i dont have friends or gf, but i suposse that i am happy. I work out, i eat healthy, i learn new things and I walk alone under the sun.

    Yeah, maybe my life now is not perfect, but it worth it.

    The only problem that i have, is thar urges now is not about PMO, is about need sex, and wow, sometimes i feel a lot of anxiety... So painful.

    (Sorry for my english, I'm spanish and i couldn't use the translate jeje)
     
  12. When you feel urges to use PMO, you are suffering.

    This is a healthy form of suffering that will give you immense benefits.

    Keep doing that. Be patient.

    The day will come when you will reap rewards from it.
     
    p1p2 likes this.
  13. RobP12

    RobP12 New Fapstronaut

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    Friend, try to be better and improve and you will understand it
     
    p1p2 likes this.
  14. p1p2

    p1p2 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks guys! I try to think only in myself.
     

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