Alone time gone wrong..

I made it to 55 days of nofap. During this time I experienced most common symptoms, like heaving more energy, motivation, definitely being much less anxious and basically wanting more form life. I was happier with myself. There were also negative effects like a flatline which took quite long and happened multiple times but I was much aware of it and made it through. The problem appeared during an experiment I made. It was not connected to the rebooting process directly although it led to my relapse.

In this experiment I decided to spend a week completely alone. No human contact whatsoever. No talking, no phone/internet, no films/music/books. Not even going shopping. I made necessary preparations like food, water and informed everyone who might try to find out why I'm gone. Wanted to stay in my flat for the whole time, going out only at night so I would not meet anyone. Most of the time during I was cleaning my apartment thoroughly, making food, writing thoughts and basically chilling and breathing. It was part of my diploma where I was trying to find out how much are we connected to the external world and the rest of society. I mostly felt good about the whole process. I became very calm and basically happy with just being with myself. Unfortunately on the fifth day a thought arose in my mind. It was just to try to fap once. Since I was doing it by myself I was not breaking any rules of the experiment so I thought it was ok. For me this was a mistake. After the first time my hormones took over and I just thought, well once more won't hurt..
Experiment was over. Unfortunately I got back on the wrong track with my reboot. I struggled for over a month to get myself to start rebooting again. This time I won't make the same mistake. Anything that small before full reboot can really mess it up if you are not careful. I'm a really bad case when it comes to that particular addiction so I'm aiming to stop it altogether and finally find a girl after a long time of not having one. And never come back to the bad habit. I believe I require more than 90 days for the full reboot and can't wait to finally get there.

What I'm trying to say.. Sometimes when we are completely alone, in the loneliest part of our lives, we are also the most vulnerable. That is not the place to hurt yourself. It's much better to stay calm and just be for a moment. Realising that it's ok to be with just your own breath and heartbeat. That where we are is not bad at all. And the best part of where we are is that the only way from there is up. I know that I will make that experiment again. With few adjustments. And I know I will succeed with maintaining my other resolutions. My 55 days showed me that the process works. Can't wait to see what happens after I break free.