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The Fever Becomes My Home

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by HitB, Oct 17, 2021.

  1. HitB

    HitB Fapstronaut

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    I don't really know why I'm posting here. I guess it's just an outlet so I don't relapse. I think it's probably been a week or so since I have. And feeling like this brings up old temptations.

    Anyway, had family visit over the weekend. It was awesome to have them here, but holy crap does it suck when they leave. I live alone in an apartment, and sometimes I think the suboptimal baseline loneliness is better than the extreme loneliness/despair felt after having that need met for a short time. Just feel very empty. Great big pit in the stomach and throat and tears I can't stop. I know it will go away and it's not worth it to fill my free time with senseless pleasures that are meaningless and won't contribute to the reshaping of my life. I just sucks. And I feel like I cry for stupid shit anymore. I'm just being a little bitch, I know. Trust me, I know.

    Sometimes I just feel like I've messed up a lot in my life and it's not worth the effort to keep trying to build a better one. Frustrations, set backs...they're all a part of life. And I am the reason my life blows; I am the problem. I know this (trying to fix it). And I know it's worth it to fight the good fight for self improvement to better help others. But gosh, it wears you down. And this is just me venting my weakness. If it helps someone, I'm glad. It's a long, hard road out of hell, that's for sure. Anyway, thanks for listening to me gripe.

    Going to go do some laundry and clean up after hosting. Idle hands, idle hands...

    "I'm paranoid, self destroyed. Believe me, Lord, I'm sorry." -Blue October, "Schizophrenia"
     
    E31, Scarab Beetle and Qanihil like this.
  2. Qanihil

    Qanihil Fapstronaut

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    Last night, I also cried lying in my bed. I don't know how everything has changed in my life. None cares about me.Breakup and failure in life pushed me towards bottomless loneliness and depression.Only my parents are my oxygen now.

    Life totally seems a hell for me. I can't work hard for my addiction. I can't cope up with past agonizing experience. Sometimes, I just think of giving up. I can't express myself. I don't know why I live for.
     
    Scarab Beetle likes this.
  3. Scarab Beetle

    Scarab Beetle Fapstronaut

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    I know what you are talking about. I have been suffering from loneliness and depression since the last 6 months. I have talked about it in detail in a topic which I created in the "Loneliness" section as well. Sometimes it feels like I have nothing to do anymore and nothing to care about in this world. No matter how hard I try to keep busy or keep myself involved in something, it only works in the short run and I am back to my old self again.

    I have tried Yoga, meditation and reading books and nothing seems to help me anymore like it used to. Its hard and miserable. The worst part is you don't know how long this is gonna take. But take comfort in the fact that we all are going through this together, and the more we share our thoughts and feelings with each other the more light hearted we'll feel in body and mind. Sometimes, being just there for each other and listening to each other can work in a long way in getting rid of these thoughts and emotions. I am saying this from experience because when I posted my topic I got so many positive replies and good support from this beautiful community of people that I was able to get out of my hard depressive state for a time. I am not saying I do not feel lonely or depressed but the support of the people here did make it bearable and manageable for me. So do not hesitate to let your heart out here. We are all here to help you.
     
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  4. Qanihil

    Qanihil Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for your kind words. I agree with your opinion. No matter how busy I am in whole day, but end of the day, I feel lonely. Yes, nofap is the best site I have ever seen. People here are very close to each other. Because we all are here for some common problems. Interacting with foreign people with same issues has helped me a lot. I have seen many changes in me. And I am gradually improving too.

    I again appreciate your benevolent speech. I also think sharing our problems will help each other and make our understandings better.

    You can try reading the philosophy of "Stoicism". It can help but we can't escape some dark moment. At last, we have to adjust "loneliness" as a part of our daily life
     
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  5. E31

    E31 Fapstronaut

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    Very much me for a big part of my life. But
    I'm glad you're in the right mindeset tho and doing all the right things, that will not go unnoticed and I promise you that it will get better, much better even if you're willing to let good things happen and let this crazy universe do its magic ;)

    What really helped me was taking up every activity I could over time in order to build some connection, get out of the house and talk to people.
    Another job on the side involving lots of interactions, going to the boxing gym, taking yoga classes, self-help groups, therapy, basically everything that puts you in a social setting with a certain objective as opposed to a club or something alike. Cutting screen time and being outside as much as I can, just to be acclimatized to having people around and not be isolated all the time. It still takes time and effort of course to build deeper connections but when you allow yourself to be your true self and throw away the damn mask, people will realize and admire that more than we think often times. Plus you'll realize that there are many lonely people
    and a lot are having some degree of social anxiety. So when you feel like they might not like you because they don't talk much or whatever, its often that they're fearful themselves so take initiative.

    Took me quite some time to get out of this hole and a lot of courage, especially the boxing gym but damn is it rewarding!
    One step at a time, you'll get there.

    All the love, all the power
     
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  6. HitB

    HitB Fapstronaut

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    I am better today. Still have to suppress urges. But not as empty. I believe you can push past the agonizing experiences, Qanihil. Why? Because nothing is worse than the agony of defeat :). You'll get there, man. Just get back up for one more round every time you fall. As to why you live, you live for those around you. Your parents, for one, as you mentioned. They love you and would be heartbroken if you passed. I'm sure there are others, whether noticed or unnoticed. You can never truly know who all you impact throughout the day. Sometimes a simple smile at someone is enough to brighten their day. And I, for one, appreciated your reply. You got this. Hang in there, buddy.
     
    Scarab Beetle likes this.
  7. HitB

    HitB Fapstronaut

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    Glad I am not the only one who feels this!

    I like this a lot. I will have to check out your post.
     
    Scarab Beetle likes this.
  8. HitB

    HitB Fapstronaut

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    That is actually quite encouraging
     
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  9. HitB

    HitB Fapstronaut

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    That makes me feel better that you were able to overcome it!

    Guh. Knowing the path and walking it are two different things. But yes, I'm sure this is a large part of my issue. Social anxiety...the struggle is real.

    Well said. Both you and Scarab Beetle have mentioned yoga. I may try it. Thank you both for the recommendations!
     
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  10. E31

    E31 Fapstronaut

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    It is real, but everyone can break free. It's more a learned behaviour than our natural way of being, much like porn addiction in a way, so they can be unlearned as well. Not by snipping your fingers and woosh its gone, but just doing small things, or sometimes big thinks on a regular basis. Just being outside is where it starts, just dipping our fingers outside the comfort zone. Head first is also a valid option but you would have to be prepared to fall back into old habits just as quickly.

    I know I just said it like "hey just do this and it'll be good" like it was easy. I undermined the struggles a bit.
    It really took me a long time and a lot of hardships. Especially when you start something, you're motivated but then after sometime realize you feel like shit again and still don't have a lot of connections. Then you have 2 options, either indulge in that feeling, fall back into old habits, tell yourself that your life is shit and will never be better, fap yourself unconsciouss or whatever escape mechanism you've trained yourself to fall back on,
    or you accept that you feel like that because you have every reason to and it makes sense to be angry and sad, and with that also accept that its just a feeling and not who you are and that you already took the right measures, thought the right thoughts, fought the right wars(for the sake of rhyming shit) and therefor have already proven that you indeed can do something about it and that with patience and persistence comes growth.

    And that will be a hard earned wisdom that will stick with you forever.

    I still have times were that eternal loneliness creeps back in, nothing makes sense anymore, everything seems grey. Thats ultimately part of the human condition or rather our experience of that.
    But being able to look back on a lot of days were I had great experiences and were able to enjoy myself,
    I'm okay with feeling down for a day because I know it wont be long.

    Yoga is definitely a very good place to start, theres groups and classes everywhere and you can have a chill group setting where you don't need to talk to anyone while doing some wellness for mind and body.
    And I bet you after a good session, you'll be much more able to interact with people.
    Just don't force it or feel bad if it doesn't happen right away at the first sessions.

    I could go on for days right know(just had way too much coffee), but I'll spare you for know ;)

    Feel free to hmu anytime guys!
     
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  11. HitB

    HitB Fapstronaut

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    Optimistic, but I like where your head is at.

    I am slowly getting there. To a state of acceptance, that is.

    The rhyme is hereby noticed, appreciated, and applauded :)

    The social anxiety is exacerbated by the fact that I got injured at work and am currently unemployed. So the self-esteem necessary to feel worthy of social interaction is simply not there. You never know how much you identify with your job and your physical ability until they are ripped from you. But I believe I will take you up on being more social once I either heal or find a new job. Whichever comes first.

    Do not be surprised if I at some point take you up on this!
     
    Scarab Beetle likes this.
  12. E31

    E31 Fapstronaut

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    Ah shit, i feel you. Happened to me last year when they let me go because my depressed ass seldom showed up to work.
    I was initially hyped to pursue my own endeavours but instead broke my arm 2 days later while the girl I had some wonderful dates with started to ghost me all over sudden. No money, no sports, no real perspective was tough but motivated me to finally reach out to seek professional help as well as taking up meditation and practice some gratitude. I feel like low points are always an opportunity to grow.
    Maybe there are even some self-help groups in your area that you could already take part in right now so you won't be cut off completely.
    If you're not able to participate in something right know, you can still look for groups, classes, people whatever already and write them down.
    Doesn't take much but will already give your brain a push in the right direction ;)

    Sure! Any time ;)
     
  13. HitB

    HitB Fapstronaut

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    Well said.

    I have been looking at participating in "Silent Book Club" if I move closer to home and family/friends. It's basically a book club for introverts. But I have to find employment and have an income before I move. But I appreciate the thoughts. That is very helpful, and I hadn't thought about it for a while!
     

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