No guilt after watching porn

You are feeling quilt because you wrote here. It does not matter if it is asmr or anything, porn is porn. Your addiction brain justified porn and now you believe in it, that is why you do not feel quilt. No matter what the porn is, it is not good for you.

 

Exactly right. P does not directly destroy your mental health. What it does is provide a distraction from your real problems. It's a numbing agent, so you don't deal with your problems. So your problems keep piling up, getting worse, and it feels overwhelming so you want to PMO again. When an anxious addict gets rid of PMO, they have that numbing agent out of the way and are better motivated to address the actual problems. That removes or reduces problems, removing and reducing stress, reducing the urge to PMO. Yours is a different problem.

From my therapist's perspective, you're in a pretty good mental space and you have your P addiction managed. He wouldn't see a problem with where you are right now.

This right here, this is a sign to me that you don't have your addiction managed. The rest of what you say makes sense, it's good stuff. Guilt is a negative emotion, it does not serve you. It's good that you don't wallow in guilt when you PMO. However, P is still bad for you.

If you've already done NoFap I assume you read the reboot basics, or watched a video or something. Maybe try that again, as a reminder. P is dopamine overdose on demand, it's not a good thing for your brain. Note that you quit your hobby to study, but you're not spending that extra time to study. You're spending it jerkin' yer johnson, so it's a time sink. P tricks your brain, making you think you are already a successful male, spreading your DNA while in real life you aren't. It's not that you really want to be a slut anyway, but you won't be as aware or on the lookout for a good mate either, and a good mate is hard to come by. When you find marriageable material you snap that up, but you could miss her if you're on PMO. P also distorts your expectations of what women should look like and how they act. It encourages you to objectify all women, thinking of and treating them strictly as sexual objects rather than multi-dimensional people. Even if you are consciously aware of it, you're still affected, and in term it dehumanizes you. P subtly but significantly makes you into a worse person.

I think what you're really missing is stakes. Leaving guilt and shame behind is a good thing, but P is still a big deal and you're a lot better off without it.