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Relapsed after 96 days

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Nerdman, Aug 27, 2015.

  1. Aug 27, 2015 #1
    Nerdman

    Nerdman Fapstronaut

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    Hey all!
    It's been a tough ride. I managed to to go 96 days withou PMO on softmode. I occasionaly MO'd without P and on certain occasions I'd accidentally bump into P substitutes.
    It's been a roller coaster ride for sure. For days I would have no urges and all of a sudden they would pop back in. I would then try to rationalize and make up excuses to watch P but was able to overcome those urges. I've also felt the effect on my brain and my attitude without PMO, and have experienced the benefits first hand.
    All in all I'm very proud of what I've accomplished, this being the first time that I'm trying NoFap. I wish I could write a success story to my 90+ days but believe that I should save that for later. Unfortunately I relapsed hard today. I PMOd and watched P several times during the day. Something I'm not proud of and am noticing how quickly I fell back into that hole again. It just happens so damn quick! It's almost as if I wasn't in control of what I was doing anymore. I reset my counter and hope to make it another 90 days. Realising now how long it will take me to cure my poor little brain.
    I was wondering how other people's experience have been with relapsing after a solid streak?
    Anyway, feeling pretty shitty and down at this point.
    On to a fresh start.

    Cheers everyone!
     
    Nerdman, Aug 27, 2015
    Nerdman, Aug 27, 2015
    #1
  2. Aug 27, 2015 #2
    011214

    011214 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing. It can be difficult after a relapse to renew your motivation to continue. I used to live in that cycle of Acting Out > Shame > Renewed Vows > Resistance > Resistance > Resistance > and.... Acting Out > Shame > Etc. I spent half of my life doing this with varying degrees of commitment, and varying degrees of failure to remain committed. It wasn't until 19 months ago that I was able to make a lasting commitment.

    Everyone is on their own journey, and I can only share what worked for me, but the only way I was able to finally stop was to take really drastic measures. Soft mode, in my opinion, is a dangerous place to be. The line is so easily greyed and it's way too easy to come across media that may eventually push you back over the edge into the downward spiral. Every time you orgasm, your brain is getting a reward, and it will always want more and more and more. You need to let go of the false belief that you need these orgasms.

    Remain vigilant. You are made for real love. You deserve it. Don't give into the lies. You know what they are.

    All the best.
     
    011214, Aug 27, 2015
    011214, Aug 27, 2015
    #2
    A potato person likes this.
  3. Aug 28, 2015 #3
    Booster

    Booster Fapstronaut

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    Its not a fresh start, you started 96 days ago. its a continuation, you had made 96 steps and sure you have gone a few steps back but you are not back at the beginning in no shape or form, the porn dopamine pathways are still way weaker than three months ago.
    Dont be so hard on yourself, its just a blip, continue forward
     
    Booster, Aug 28, 2015
    Booster, Aug 28, 2015
    #3
  4. Aug 28, 2015 #4
    MadHatter

    MadHatter Fapstronaut

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    That's rough, man.
    I am on day 96.

    I have had three or four past relapses, where every time it happened I had already passed the 60 day mark. It feels awful, I know.

    I totally get behind what @011214 said - it is best to cut all masturbation out of your life.
    @Booster is also correct - it is not at all a fresh start. It is, but only technically. Your mind has been through a lot in the past three months. It has learned a lot, I am sure. YOU have learned a lot.

    Feeling like shit and being down are obviously part of it, but beware not to dwell on these emotions.
    Negative vibration begets negative vibration, even when it seems to stem from a positive, post-relapse source.

    Do not drown in your sadness, or all to quickly you will find yourself back where you never wanted to be.

    Good look, brother.
     
    MadHatter, Aug 28, 2015
    MadHatter, Aug 28, 2015
    #4
  5. Sep 1, 2015 #5
    Nerdman

    Nerdman Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys!
    Thanks to all of you for replying to my thread and for giving me encouragement to soldier on. @011214 You're right I shouldn't give in to the lies. I've been going through those phases of emotions this week. I guess one of them was the feeling of anger, anger towards P and what it's done in my life . @Booster: Thanks for reaffirming the belief in me that this was just a mishap. I have gone very far from where I've started and by no means am I starting from absolute scratch. I have been doing fine the last 5 days and hope that I can keep going at this point.
    @MadHatter: I'm happy to hear that I'm not the only one going through relapses. especially after such a long time. I will try to cut the M from my life and see how it goes. Thanks for your words of encouragement.
    I love this community for the great support that I'm getting from you all! Thanks!
     
    Nerdman, Sep 1, 2015
    Nerdman, Sep 1, 2015
    #5
  6. Sep 1, 2015 #6
    atak

    atak Fapstronaut

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    Try hardcore 90 days this time.
     
    atak, Sep 1, 2015
    atak, Sep 1, 2015
    #6

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