The Lord of the Rings Challenge

I'm too, bro.

 

Relapse

The interview went well, but in the end they told me that “they’ll get back to me in the next week or two” and somehow I just snap.

I’m not happy. But I’ve reached hobbit 3 in the past and I’m going to do it again.

 

Day 4

 

Day 2 - Relapsed

I have realised that I am much more likely to relapse within the first few days (I'm thinking the first 4 days). The reason for this is because my addiction is incredibly good at convincing me that it's ok to relapse early on because it only matters when I relapse after a long streak (5+ days). I tend to get most of my urges early on because of this, constantly having my brain tell me that I'm allowed to relapse now because its so early on so it won't be a big deal, so my long streaks seem to be the streaks where I'm keeping myself very busy and I have basically no urges for the first few days. However, this can sort of work against me in a way because if I get an urge early on, that can really damage my enthusiasm and hope for that streak because it makes me think that this streak is gonna be really bad, which ends up being a self-fulfilling prophesy. Which then, having a fear of getting urges early on ironically cause urges early on. A lot of mental gymnastics in general that I need to figure out.

I've only now realised that my mindset has been that the streak gets "important" later. I've been misjudging the importance and value of the first few days, but instead I should be viewing the first few days as an extremely important part of the streak, possibly the most important part because that's when I'm most susceptible to relapsing. It seems that I need to put in 200% effort during the first few days.

As much as I'm disappointed for relapsing again, I have learned a little bit more about myself. Things are moving in the right direction at the end of the day.

 

Day 1!

 

which can mean anything but doesn't sound good. I understand.
In such a situation it's quite understandable that you went back to porn. But of course we need to learn, to handle these situations and deal with the whole pressure that builds up over time, without using our favorite toy.

I don't know what you did, how long and how often but one thing I know for sure: when you're reading this it's time for ANOTHER STREAK. In Mark Queppets words PUT THE PORN AWAY

Common bro! Let's go for ...

 

The Zone
“The Zone” it’s a state of calmness and clarity. There’s no attachment to wandering thoughts or emotions in your mind.

Let’s say you are in a basketball game and there’s only 20 seconds left, you have the ball and it’s up to you to make the winning score, you are focused on that ball and making the point you don’t care about your porn addiction, your bank account, if you are single, your confidence. Anything exists but the ball and that board.

Some people are in The Zone most of the time for example professional sports players or successful people. The Zone is imperative to their success. The zone helps them to stay on the goal no matter the difficulties; they ignore their own sadness, frustration, failure, even little victories “job’s not done” as Kobe Bryant said.

I’ve been in The Zone many times, even for long periods of time. When I reflect about it, The Zone wasn’t only a goal oriented mindset is the natural state of the mind: space and clarity. Emotions and thoughts are not your real you, they are impermanent. The Zone is permanent, limitless, intuitive, wise and joyful. There is no greater happiness than The Zone.

How to be in The Zone: Just take emotions and wandering thoughts out of your head, don’t identify with them and focus on a goal or in whatever you are doing or just be in The Zone to live and enjoy life. Make it your permanent state of mind.

 

Day 4 everyone! I am about to break my longest streak (5 days) of the last year!!

Absolutely bombed an interview today, considered relapsing all morning. It was a dream opportunity too.

After a year and a half of doing the bear minimum to pass my classes and keep my job, spending most of my days inside, receding into depression, burning all my important bridges and connections, all due to my worsening addiction to porn... Sh*t I just lost my job two months ago because I looked at P while at work. I couldn't stop myself.

I have found there is a huge barrier to reentry into the world, it is not as easy to navigate compared to when I was at the top of my game.

The first few days of this challenge were great, I felt excited and empowered. But now all I feel is sad and depressed. It's been like this for a day. But I know that sadness is me getting back into the real world. If this is what it takes, I would rather feel sad than nothing at all.

Right now I am feeling defeated, but I know that I just need to pick myself up. My life is going to get immediately worse, now that I am rocking the boat, rather than immediately better.

 

Day 42. I'm getting out of the house for a little walk as there is a party somewhere around and it makes me frustrated that I do not know those people to also party.

 

Day 37

Tired and groggy, still. Sleep wasn't good enough. I've drifted from some good habits. Time to start practicing these everyday again.

Felt some cravings a few days ago that have since died down. I'm not really conventionally "horny" atm either. Perhaps this is the "flatline." That's fine by me.

 

What do you think of these dopamin detox guidelines?

I don't like the suggestion that you should only tackle one issue at a time. I think it is possible to change behavior in general and fast from several bad things at once (or rather replace them). But I accept that I probably try to do too much at once and make it too hard for myself. Really, I needed someone to tell me that I shouldn't try to "white-knuckle" it and it was helpful to hear I can't simply replace a very bad behavior with a very good one. Rather I have to go step after step and find similar behaviors as replacements. Or rather behaviors that in a similar but better way adress the underlying causes and conditions of the addictive or unhealthy habits.

But I see one problem. I haven't a routine of watching porn. I don't do it like after lunch lol. I do it when the opportunity arises and when I have urges. Yes there are triggers, but that can be about every negative emotion up to many "overthetop" positive emotions. So when would I do the new routine that should replace pmo? Probably always when urges hit me, the way many guys here do it.
Mark says, push-ups as a replacement for porn isn't a good idea, but he don't explain why.
Maybe how @archie.hill did it was so effective, because he exchanged the behavior of pmo with a similar one (playing nes games) that wasn't hard to do for him.

EDIT: I just realized that during my last relapses (and many before) I actually looked for something else. For example the last time I started to look for silly movies I could watch first, but I ended up on porn sites, because I just couldn't find anything and because they're like big magnets for me when I'm mindlessly surfing.
The only thing is, that the thing you have to do INSTEAD pmo has to be somewhat thrilling. Sure, I can try to force me to do sport or just go outside and if it works I'll be distracted soon enough. But when I would for example play NES games, there's the danger that I get bored soon and then switch over to the "real deal", the mighty culprit PMO. I admit, the NES thing is much more easy to start with than for example exercise. But it has to be a routine that happens far far away from any access to porn or subs. Otherwise it wouldn't work for me.

 

Congrats!!!!
You can do it! 7 days ahead!
Common JonShawn!

 

Sorry to hear that, bro. Actually, it conffirms what we've been discussing here about important milestones and relapses right after them. Do you think if you had planned a celebration (like going out for dinner, for exemple) could had helped you not to relapse?

 

Day 5 checking in

Long and exhausting day. Had some urges through out the routine, but I've managed it. I think the morning cold showers are helping me to build resistence for the "no" moment when the urges arrive. Gonna do my workout now and then keep studying unitl it's time to sleep.

I'm sad to see all these relapses among us. A part of me knows that I have a huge potential to be the next one, so I'm gonna take care, cuz the first days are the hardest to me.

But let's not give up. We might be losing these battles, but we're still in the middle of a war, and we won't loose as long as we keep fighting!

 

Thanks for the encouragement @icebreaker polarstern !

 

day check
Stay on the path...stay on the path...
I readed an article of the bbc about p and i didn't know many things,another reason to left it .

 

Day 19!

 

26 days
This time I'll make it to the 90

 

I remember thinking 90 days was so unreachable when I first heard about nofap. I will say that without this challenge I wouldn't have made it I don't think.

 

Relapsed. Day 0