A cheater always a cheater?

muhagg I did give you my definition as I understood it and believed it. I simply told you what my interpretation of it was based on someone else’s that I believed in. Don’t like it? Don’t use it.

More importantly you want to get all testy with me over what you asked me yet you completely ignored my request not to. Is that how it works? You’re allowed to ignore someone else’s request all the while expecting someone else to abide by yours? In spite of my request for you not to I answered it anyway and now I have this all of this bullshit to field from a couple of you exhibiting pure addictive behavior. The problem with all of you addicts is that you have this fundamental misunderstanding of what the word “no” means to you. You know no boundaries. I understand that. You’re addicts.

If you could go look up and repeat the formal definition like any other fool could then why didn’t you just go do that in the first place? Was this a test? Was this a trap? I don’t play that.

And cyberpunk, you’re right about that. Don’t waste your time and mental energy. Neither of you have enough of either right now until you have sufficient recovery under your belt. I don’t care what your counter says. You in particular are acting like a dry drunk. Go look it up.

I’m not offering either of you any more definitions until such time you’re ready to stop talking and start listening. It definitely isn't worth my time.

 

If someone is always looking for a better option then it's highly likely they will be a serial cheater. Circumstances also matter because there are other kinds of betrayal.

 

This is a social construct that came about through the last few hundred years because humans like to compare themselves to the animal kingdom to explain behaviors, but they generally don't have a full understanding of the animal kingdom. Even if we look at the lion example you provided, do you see any that take on many females then abandon them with their young? The lion stays and raises and protects his children. So do a lot of other species, such as the so called alpha wolf (which isn't a thing either and the researcher that came up with that term spent 20 years trying to retract his own research because it turned out to be untrue). The "alpha" is actually the mom and/or dad of the pack and are the ones who raise the babies.

All that aside, what the animal kingdom and ancient man have in common is the lack of neurons on the brain. Thanks to the expansion of the PFC, which humans have, means we are no longer bound to the cycle of life in the way all other animals are. We can do more than eat, sleep, reproduce, then die and this is evidenced by our modern world.

Men are no more prone to cheat than women. If it were men's purpose to spread his seed, then leave his children behind, think of how likely incest would be eventually.

Both men and women produce the bonding chemical, oxytocin, during sex. The purpose is to keep them together to raise any offspring that may come as a result. Yes, there is a chaser effect that occurs but this didn't negate the purpose of the bonding chemical. Social repression does influence how we are today because think of how many women were forced ro marry men and endure years of suffering just because they had no other choice. It is human nature to explore the unknown so it would make sense that once these constructs that bound women were removed there would be a need to explore, however, we shouldn't conclude that modern society is how humans are naturally. If you study an unhealthy population for a period of time, those traits will eventually been seen as "normal", especially if there is no control group with which to compare.

 

So if a woman cheats it's the man's fault? I find it incredible that in 2021 accountability only goes one way as if woman can't be responsible for their own actions.

 

SMDH @ Sargiel! Yeah that's it. I find it incredible that that's your interpretation of it. But whatever. You run with that.

 

Plenty of red flags. Things just don't add up. Things just don't make sense. Don't know about semen stains in the underwear. I wouldn't even look to check. I wouldn't look to check my own underwear. I'd just throw them in the wash. That's gross.

 

Based on this would you say that SOs that are massively impacted by their partners porn use have not "done the inner work"?

 

To get past and heal what has happened ? Absolutely. It’s trauma. So they will need to get help and do inner work on the trauma caused by their cheating spouse.. they may need to do inner work on previous trauma as well if they have any, not all do.

 

Yep! What she said!

 

Anyone who has not done the whole process of inner work would be impacted by external events. So to answer your question, yes.

 

I would say no. To me, this implies that people are not capable of change. I want and need this to not be the case. Many/most people are on this site to find a path to growth and healing. I choose to believe that everyone has the capacity to do so even though not all will.

 

Exactly! The idea that someone who cheats always cheats makes the assumption we do not have the capacity to rewire our brain and that simply is not true. If it were then why does anyone even bother to come here to try to change?

 

People have the capacity to change but in most cases change is unlikely. It is the same as trying to quit an addiction everyone can try but only few will ever achieve it.

 

Because of the way our brains are designed, everyone is capable of change. The change, however, needs to be motivating enough that they see more benefits with the change than they would have should they remain the same. Changing a schema is a painful process because it forces you to look at what you know, then discard it in an effort to learn something new.
People tend to live a life that seems to be the most powerful/beneficial to their needs. If they are shown a different way that is more powerful or beneficial, it can motivate them to change.

This is the case for any maladaptive behavior, belief, addiction, etc.. Our brain has the ability to form and reorganize synaptic connections in response to learning new information.

 

A cheater isn’t always a cheater. People do learn, but some are still stuck not even giving a action to turn the light bulb on. I’ve known some people that have really hurt others and I feel no sympathy when they do it. I’m not one to talk to especially since I’ll be cold. I’ve never cheated and I never will. I never understood how people do it.

I’m happy you fought this.

I have a few hot Ex’s. One had the nerve to askme for money, currently in my current relationship. I auto rided her action to a F U and block on Social Media. I did tell my current Woman. I’d classify this past Woman as a Yandere.. She was happy she told me.



But other wise just keep it to your self in that she came to visit. Be honest with your girlfriend and just tell her your hanging out. Some times sexual tension released in the wrong way can have a huge impact.