ANAL SENSATION IS MAKING ME SUICIDAL

If you have suicidal thoughts I would definitely recommend seeing a trained professional and call the hotline if needed as well!!

I am sorry for the life you had and the struggles you have to go through but throwing it away for this is not worth it! You are your own being that is not being defined by others!
You hold more than your own life in your hands! ! ! Remember that!

If you suicide you will not only wreck your sisters life but also your girlfriend's life if those are the only two people you care about! Think about that! Just physically go to the doctor and explain those sensations to him so he can inspect it if you are fine health wise. If he says you are good then you can learn to control your urges or even give in to them if you find someone to help you out or if your girlfriend is willing. But don't think about suicide as an escape or a solution! IT IS NOT!

When I read your message I thought I shouldn't jump in and decided to switch to another thread. Once I did thoughts came creeping in that you may need all the reasons why you SHOULDN'T do something like this and I came back to comment. Look how strong you were at such terrible times! This means you are already doing so well despite what happened! BUILD ON THAT and fix your life! Don't destroy it and ruin someone elses that cares about you! You can do it mate! Gay or not it doesn't matter you have a spark inside you and there was a reason why you were born! Taking care of your sister, your girlfriend or whoever is enough of a reason to stay alive and continue on your journey! Just make sure you continuously strive to make it better! That's what all of us are doing on this earth!

 

Calm yourself down. i don't know you, but this isn't how you are. You made so much progress. Dark times are a big part of this and they make us stronger. Some emotions must be relearned and experienced in a new way. It will get better!

This addiction took so much from our lifes, don't let it get away with this!

As for your sensations: I'm sure they will go away eventually. But just to make sure you may want to see a doctor about this. (To close out any physical reasons)

You can write me a message any time, if you need someone to talk to! You are not alone with this!

 

Try to get vegetables to your diet. It helps to form tight poop that will help with the sesation of something being stuck in there, I have had that as well. Too much wiping can cause a tingling sensation that can be felt like a need to stick a finger there to scratch it. Sleeping on your back should help too, I have tried it but so far I have not been able to fall a sleep on my back.

that could also be a sing of hemroids. So get your diet in order, fresh veggies help. Eat a lot of fiber, full grains.

 

I had and have had the exact same sensation for months. It suddenly appeared when I consumed weird types of porn. I had some urges to do things that I don't want to do, like you. This sensation sometimes stops for a couple of hours or days, but it keeps bugging me. I will never stick something in there, because it's not normal for me. If you are a person who likes these kinds of stuff, good for you, but I will never do that because it makes me feel like a lowlife stupid. It made me feel less masculine after this sensation, but I fought through, because at the end of the day I want the same thing as you: a beautiful wife and kids. I also feel suicidal and I even attempted to take my life once, but thankfully, if I can say that, the rope broke. I never told this to anyone, because it's a taboo problem. I also experience OCD symptoms, but they might get better over time. Mines are not so bad as they used to be a couple of months back.

I'm still attracted to women, I'm only romantically attracted to them and I want only relationships with women. So I don't care what anybody says. I want a happy family with a woman and live the rest of my life besides a good loveling wife.

I also grow up with an alcoholic stepfather and my mother divorced him in 2012. I have a lot of bad memories when they would fight and I prayed to God that this all will stop. And it did, but I still have some mental scars.

The only effective solution will be to stop porn. These is the cause of our sexual problems. It might also be some medical one, so yeah, you should see a doctor. For example, my sensation was sometimes with pain. I think I might have hemorrhoids.

 

Martial arts, they changed my life, but not the useless one; try krav-maga, kick-boxing or MMA it'll do you some good. Release some tension.

 

By any chance, have you been taking a drug called Ambien?

If so, stop taking the drug. The symptoms will persist without the slightest change for about two weeks. After about the two-week mark, they may abruptly cease. But it takes those two weeks to get all of the Ambien out of your system, and until all of it is out, the symptom will still persist.

If the anal sensations are the only difficulty you've had from Ambien, be thankful. Some people have had severe phantom pain in the urethra--constant pain, for over 18 months. One man I spoke with who had this issue was begging God to just let him die. That was before he found a doctor who advised him to quit the Ambien. These pelvic side effects of the drug are not listed on the drug's labeling.

There are several other drugs that are in the same family as Ambien and which might produce a similar effect. If that does not happen to be the drug you are taking, but there is another drug you've been prescribed, do a little research and see if it might be one of those.

If you're not taking any medications, then this post may not apply to your case, and my apologies for the chance suggestion.

 

Based on the additional information in this last post of yours, I wonder if you might be experiencing symptoms of an enlarged prostate. Do a little online research on that and see if it might not explain some of your issues. There's really not too much that can be done about it, at least not easily, but I think it's likely that the burden of producing fluids for your ejaculate, being increased with frequent ejaculations, might tend to enlarge the gland. Have you had any difficulty peeing? The prostate tends to get larger with age, and many older men will have some symptoms. It's not typically an emergency, but it would be uncomfortable.

If you haven't taken any drugs for months, it shouldn't be related to those.

 

Your OP is pretty long. I just read most of the rest of it. The troubles you describe with your alcoholic father reminded me of a short movie on that subject that I have really liked even though alcoholism has never been a problem in my own family. I guess I see it as one addiction among many, and we all face some great temptation or addiction, so to see someone else who was really bad off eventually find freedom is always encouraging.

It is a Christian film, though the main character was far from a Christian at the beginning of his journey. He was a Muslim, and an alcoholic.

http://morethandreams.org/the-dreams/the-story-of-ali/

I think if you watch it you will relate to many of the things in the movie. I really am sorry for all the troubles you've had to face. May you find healing soon.

 

Well, they didn't really work out, but I start to get used to them and when I really forget about it...I feel perfectly normal. I have had OCD about different subjects since I was a kid so it's very easy for me to get paranoid about a subject and overthink a lot. The most common is about an illness that I might have because I have some symptoms, but yeah in the end it's not that and I look at myself and see how much of an idiot I am.

I think, if things will go well, in 7 - 10 months I'll be ok. But the worst thing is that these suicidal thoughts got stronger and combined with depression is very hard to keep up. But yeah, I will figure it out somehow.

I hope you get well soon. It's very hard to live like this and think that a couple of months back you were ok.

 

I´m in the same boat with the back sleeping thing but I have heard that it is possible to sleep on back so I recommend trying and reading about it. I sleep also on my stomach sometimes but I have heard it it not good for our body. Keep going strong. Maybe nofap wont help to this issue but I still recommend that you continue on nofap no matter what.

 

okay okay okay okay okay okay.... Ocd doesn't exist, you're probably gay, it definitely wasn't porn, because of all dat pride stuff you have to like those feelings, regardless if they make sense, or you're offending people.....


Kidding.


Those "anal sensations" that you are having is OCD. OCD can make you feel things that you don't want to feel. The first time you reacted to whatever started this, Im willing to bet all I have that you reacted in a real anxious way. And then you started reflecting over it and running it through your head, wondering why you reacted like that. Maybe you saw some straight anal porn, and randomly took note of the girl receiving the act and your brain sent you a weird thought relating to it. And since you reacted anxiously, your brain took note of that, so now it will continue sending you that feeling because "it is a threat" and "you need to address it now". It's not sending you that feeling because you secretly want it, Its sending you that feeling because you reacted in a "life or death" way when it first sent it to you. So now, your brain needs you to neutralise that threat.

But heres the thing. The more you focus on it and the more attention you give it, the more it will happen. Your brain will get trapped in a cycle where you will constantly need to reassure yourself that that feeling means nothing to you. You will fall into the vicious cycle of "feel anal feeling --> brain spikes up and makes you aware of this feeling that you have registered as a threat --> now that you are aware of this life or death threat, that is the only thing that will be in your mind until you neutralise it ---> you will neutralise it by either doing unnatural things such as thinking about this specific act happening to you to make sure you don't like it, or even attempting to test yourself at home with whatever you find ---> you will realise that you don't actually like it or want anything in there and you will feel a load of reassurance ---> the threat will be neutralised and you'll feel 100% certain that you don't want that ---> you will get triggered again and the whole process starts again.

Trust me. I've been through this, and beat it. This is 10000% OCD. You CANNOT feed the thoughts. No matter how real or important or urgent they feel, they are irrational. Rationally, why would this suddenly happen to you out of no where? It wouldn't. This is an irrational feeling brought on because you had an irrational response to something that rationally is irrelevant to you. But instead of just brushing it aside and laughing it off, you took it seriously, and OCD begun. The reason why you responded that way may be rational, for example, no straight guy wants to be gay, whether we want to admit it or not, we would consider that a huge attack on our manhood. For you, being straight and liking girls is part of your identity, and when you were faced with that random spike, you may have felt that you were being attacked against your will. And it caused all this to happen, because now the idea of you magically becoming gay is suddenly has been noted down as a threat in your brain, and anything related to that will spike up and be taken note of.

You have to disregard all of this NOW. Don't fall into that cycle. Trust yourself that 5 seconds before any of this happened, the idea of this ever happening to you would sound like the dumbest thing ever. So trust your rational self. Rationally, none of this would ever happen. Irrationally, your OCD wants you to focus, dwell and think about irrational things, and you feel like you need to do irrational things that you normally would never do, in order to make sure that the irrational things aren't actually true. News flash, they are never true. I suggest looking up the youtuber "Ali Greymond" and watching her videos about OCD. She has a couple good ones about how OCD makes you feel sensations that you don't want to feel. Watch her videos and religiously apply her tactics to your every day life, and stop this OCD before it gets worse.

I had this for 3 years, and it took me a while to realise how to truly beat it. But I did. And you can to. I'm not going to offer you any more reassurance, so this was your one warning. Disregard all of this shit, and don't pay any attention to it. Don't talk to yourself about it. Just treat it like some random ghost or homeless person screaming at you, touching you, whatever. Just ignore it. It isn't real. It is OCD.