From birth, what would your life be like if you never PMO EVER?

Hi @boyrose

Out of your entire post I believe this to be the most important part. Accepting the past as it was and moving forward is part of healing.

My view is that never viewing porn or masturbating is not a guarantee a persons life will be much better than it is. True, that time could have been spent elsewhere. Instead of porn a person may have spent the time obsessed with Netflix.

As a soon to be 40 year old my thought is to leave my missed twenties behind. In my late twenties I did try to "get out there" and do things. Reflecting, by that time it was too late. A person is only their late teens or early twenties when they are that age. I can see today I did not fit in with that crowd. In a way I hung around with that younger crowd online in various gaming and nerd communities. Finding people my own age range seems best. While I never did the gym path, it seems reasonable to say there are many near 40 year old men there working on turning their life around. Connecting with male friends is something I can still improve at.

Today I'm engaged with a lady and we plan to marry by the end of next summer. The last and only times I had sex was nearly a decade ago with a woman I barely knew off a dating website. My now fiancee and I agreed sex was to be left until marriage when we entered a relationship. It has been a learning experience having a woman that close and not progressing things to that area. The temptations are certainly there. We limit ourselves to mainly hugging, hand holding, cuddling (in a way that doesn't lead us to be too intimate) and a quick kiss. Seems to be working out well.

I wish you the best. Life can definitely improve one small step at a time.

 

How are you able to still live with your parents at the age of 38? Do you have a job or go to college?

 

Our life is like a sand timer. We can see how much sand is in the bottom and that we can do nothing about. It is already used. We can not see or know how much sand is in the top. We can live right in the middle where the sand flows. We can live our life for right now and make the very best we can out of the moment.

 

You make 90k a year and still want to live with your parents?

I’m only asking because my parents wanted me out of the house as soon as I turned 18. My dad kicked me out at 19. So, I have been on my own since. Besides a few acquaintances I have had with women.

 

Men, your history, your life. I´m actually a stupid teenager and I think I´m doing the correct thing!!!

 

My kids still live with us. No way I’d kick them out at 18, they’d be homeless, lol.. they all work and go to school, so hopefully they can afford it in the next year or two.

 

I’m from a conservative part of the midwest but I live in Oregon now. So, maybe the culture and the expectations are different.

I once read that the housing prices are so high in California that California has the most amount of young people living with their parents and the most amount of homeless people in America.

 

Yes, housing is crazy expensive here. Our area, a small older starter home is $500k+ and rent usually starts at $1000+ for a room in someone’s house plus utilities. One bedroom apartments start at about $1800. They are all great kids, I love having them around, so until they can comfortably be able to move out, I’m happy to have them here.

 

Obsessing about the past is one of my favorite self punishments. Probably among the many - such as depression, boredom, fears and anxiety - that I’ve fled for decades by diving into porn.

Here’s the deal: What might have been is what you can use to make yourself miserable. I should know, I’m an accomplished veteran at just that.

Live for today. It’s the gift our life has granted us.

 

It would be much better, easy.

 

From birth, what would your life be like if you never PMO EVER?

It could be anything. Even worst. Main problem why men addictive to porn is lacking knowledge and skills how to approach and be within woman healthy way.

So if it's that case and you never watch or watched porn. You can actually rape woman, get hooked on hookers. Or simply get into toxic relationships which is equally bad when two persons are in toxic relationships, they are not aware enough about it and don't separate - they fight everyday and have more bad emotion's then you after porn.

 

I'm 39 and have been PMing more or less straight since I was 11 (or maybe 13, can't quite remember). So like you, I also feel I wasted the last ~25 years of my life. No doubt my life would be better if I hadn't gotten addicted to PM. I'm pretty sure I'd have less anxiety, no constant fear (e.g. of being found out), would actually have friends, would know how to cope with life in healthy ways. My PM addiction has ruined my willpower and ability to sustain effort, which has made everything else harder in my life. PM sounds fun when you are a teenager, and you think you'll outgrow it as an adult. But then at 39 you realize you have never become an adult because PM addiction keeps your brain at the level of a whiny teen (no offense to actual teens here though, it's just a way to express my thoughts )

I can't control the past, and I don't know what the future holds, but I can control what I am doing right now -- doing something to rid myself of my addiction and starting living for real, or keep flushing my life down the toilet one fapping session at a time. The only way I don't wake up on my 50th birthday and realize I've wasted another 10 years of my life is by not giving in to today's urge. YOLO, as they say...

 

I'm sorry, but you really need to figure out your life, this is messed up. By 25 5% (in the modern Western) of population have wife and kids. They are the most happy, if white and not poor. Anything else leads to misery.
You're already old. Figure out your life ASAP. Only darkness awaits you in the future, so you'll need to struggle really hard.

 

Better than what its like now for sure, i just know that out of pmo gave nothing positive in return

 

Your making good money though, whats the income source?

 

Thanks for this.

 

Interesting thread and admirable perspectives!

I've been using porn approx. 21 years - 10 to 31...

I think the worst part is the waste of time and energy.

If not for PMO at all...?

Sure, I imagine I would still be in contact with some good friends from school, would definitely have a steady career, and probably a family too.

However, diving in head first is not always best...!

Only in my mid 20s did I figure out what career path I was passionate about, and because I still lived at home it was achievable to study it full time.

And only after turning 30 am I starting to slow my roll with women, not so desperate to settle down. If I went to settle down early it could have been great, but it could have also gone poorly. I'm free to take my time with this decision now.

There's no doubt going any number of years with PMO takes a toll. But I think it's one of those gruelling challenges that inevitably forges us along the way.

Can you really say you didn't learn anything about your values? That you don't now place more emphasis on the present, aware of how easily it can be wasted?

Sure, I might have had an easier life without PMO. But I also think I would be, in some ways, less connected to the potential dangers in life.

PMO makes one weak. But I think the lessons learned and reconciliation process makes you hardened. This won't be our last challenge in life, just a significant one along the way.