Can't be resentful forever

On a scale from 0 (total loser that beats off all day and not much else) to 10 (alpha chad swimming in options both personally and professionally) where are you?

 

Do a hard mode 90 day reboot. If you can suffer through it, there will be enormous benefits.

 

We are both stuck on the same level, so to speak.

 

One day at a time, my brother.

 

Self-sabotage blows. I feel like this is my life in a nutshell. Holding myself to higher standards that may have just screwed me over in the end.

Brilliant. I like this.

I feel this to my core. Though I'm learning to live with myself. And try to improve my life so that I can improve hers. No one wants to share in a miserable life. So the less miserable--and more enjoyable--I can make my life, the more a girl will want to share in it as well. But yes! Go out and live your best life!

GET ER DONE!!!

Wish you luck. If you make it, do share the things that helped.

Meee too. *sigh* But I have goals to change it by 2025. Slow is steady, steady is fast. Or so they say.

 

I did social sports last spring and summer, both soccer and volleyball. Hated soccer because everyone took it too serious. Loved volleyball so I plan on doing that again. I started going to twelve step meetings again but I have a history that makes that appropriate. Exercise classes, yoga classes, time at the gym, time spent playing guitar, and a metal working class. I even managed to change jobs and put myself on the path to six figures. I got a new apartment and a new jeep. I am coming up on six months without porn. These are all good things but I still feel like I am missing something rather large. I don't see any good reason why I am single and alone all of the time. I am not only single I am not dating or meeting new people. It isn't that I am lonely and need some other person to fill the void because I know that doesn't work. Its more like there is a whole sweet or relationship skills that I am failing to use or missing completely. Engaging with women is fun. Getting to know other people and letting them get to know me is satisfying. I have a couple of friends but we don't ever go out and do things together. I have spent almost every weekend this year alone for reasons I don't understand and I am sick of it.

 

Commit yourself to trying new things. This can be through meetups or other sites.
Myself I have started salsa dancing during the reboot and meet alot of new people. Loneliness is painful and I think most of us are using porn as a escape from feeling it.

 

Uh. Well. Find a job that I can do without further injuring myself by year's end. Do social clubs and online dating within next couple years if it hasn't happened organically by then. If things haven't improved by then, Ibogaine or geographical arbitrage. And after that, if things haven't improved...well...suicide, I suppose. With any luck, I'll be dead by 40. Cuz fuck this shit. I'll have done everything I know how. I've done SSRIs. I feel like a zombie and rather feel something instead of nothing. And I've tried therapists. I don't need fake friends. And in the end, I'd rather stand on my own two feet or fall on my sword. Rather die on my feet than live on my knees (in regard to fear). But I struggle with mental health. So don't follow my path.

If you do decide to do dancing (if you've never done it before), I'd recommend learning the waltz or something. I never went to prom or any high school dances. Then did a dancing class in college thinking I'd learn how and get better. The Latin dances suck because they require a lot of...er...confidence, I suppose. Or, idk. The waltz just fit my personality better (it's slower and more deliberate, I feel). Got called out by the teacher in front of everyone for being timid and not "showcasing" my gal. That didn't help the social anxiety at all. So find a dance that fits your style.

 

Listen to this man. He's got his shit together and knows what he's doing.

 

Bro I'm saying! I'll look up the book on amazon.

 

This

 

This year I’ve read “No More Mr Nice Guy”, “3% Man”, “The Rational Male”, and “Unplugged Alpha”. The Rational Male was most helpful though I did pick up some useful nuggets from the 3% and Unplugged. Broadly speaking, another “how to get women” book isn’t what I need as I find this genre of book highly exploitative. There is also a gigantic income divide between me and the guys writing these books that goes largely ignored, is downplayed, or otherwise compensated for by shaming those of us not working hard enough or smart enough to become as rich as they are. I level the same criticism at the fresh and fit guys. I am sure they’d call me a loser for pointing this out which says a lot to me about their respective characters as well as something to all of you about my own. Wealth matters, but character and personality matters more and those aren’t developed by reading rehashes of the same “be a better man” theme. Rollo is most sympathetic to this reality.

All of that said, there is clearly a distinction between the behaviors that attract women and those that drive them away. Actualizing that distinction in my life is imperative because if I don’t I will surely die alone without having had any children. If I get more literature on this subject I will be going straight to the heart of the matter and reading books by Robert Greene.

Otherwise I am going to continue refining what I am doing. Hone and focus what is working while abandoning what isn’t. If that means I spend my weekends at the gym, playing the guitar, and otherwise by myself until I start meeting people I want to be alone with then that’s what it means.

Not writing any of this to get at you. It’s a slow day at work. I am writing this out for my own benefit.

Porn is for chumps. Fuck the woke. Maximize your potential. Crown yourself King of your Kingdom and banish those who hold you back.

~Fin