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Flatline after relapse

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Gavalar09, Feb 25, 2019.

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  1. Legacy of Lost Soul

    Legacy of Lost Soul Fapstronaut

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    Damn thats hard Freedom :X

    But I can relate because:
    I have tinnitus for most of my life, caused by explosion. But it got worse during last years, because I used to swim a lot and take steambath, all daily, and I felt my ears dont like it but I went on. BUT now I noticed last years, if I have orgasm or two, tinnitus deffinitely gets worse. Takes month to get back to level Im used to.

    Joint cracking, hell yes
    Constipation, yes, I thought its caused by me stopping smoking, but as Ive read my old journal, the constipation lasted like month after stop smoking and than it went to normal. But as I continued hard mode, it came back and never left me. I found some food to help with that, etc, but its not ideal and I hope for improvement. (prunes, Sauerkraut)

    Panic & anxiety attack - Had both, yes, I think its getting better. I had very extreme anxiety this summer, was nightmare, thanks got it vanished slowly. WIM HOF BREATHING helps with that! Download the app, do it for month, at least morning and evening! Also get a "lemon balm tea", it helps a lot!

    feeling of passing out or unable to breathe - yup, but this linked to Panic and anxiety as well.

    I believe the tinnitus is caused by our weakened and exhausted kidneys. Its 100% certain! So find anything to strenghten them! Search for food, tea, lifestyle to support kidneys. Traditional chineese medicine will help as well. Do your own research. Its too wide topic to explain here, invest some time in it.

    Haha yea, thats why I forgot many of symptoms as well. But honestly, I feel relatively ok now. But its deserved, as I went thru hell recently. And everything goes as a sinusoid, up and down, so I was down and now I go up. Same as u and everybody will.
     
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  2. Legacy of Lost Soul

    Legacy of Lost Soul Fapstronaut

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    Just to add a basic info on me. I started fapping very young, I believe around 5yo. I was not able to ejaculate, thats how young I was. I never stopped. I trully honestly believed what I was told - masturbation is healthy, do it as much as u want. So I did. Mostly daily. When I was around 12 I found the printed magazines, fapped like crazy. Than Internet porn came later and that was my end. During my peak, which lasted I dont know how many years, maybe 10, I did it many time a day. Wake up, BAMM! 2 x during day and 1 time at bed to sleep.

    During this I never dated a girl properly, never had a proper sex, maybe one time for 15 minutes.

    So absolutely worse case scenario, thats me. Now Im 38. And I believe I can make it. Even the current state Im at is not SO bad, I just cant orgasm without a price to pay afterwards, but thats ok, thats the healing. Who cares. Important thing is not a orgasm, but that my life is SO MUCH BETTER compared to 5 years back. I believe I can have kids.
     
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  3. mentorr

    mentorr Fapstronaut

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    So it sounds like the main issue you're having after all these years is the recovery AFTER orgasm. You have a long refractory period after sex? I spoke to someone that would feel bad for around 1 month after each orgasm. They said that their recovery went from 4 weeks recovery after orgasm, to 2 weeks, then to 1 week, then to 3 days, until they eventually could go multiple times with no physical/emotional/mental drain whatsoever. They said that if anything sex actually rejuvenated them, it was just very a gradual process. Like you their main challenge was beating PIED and DE, then once they were able to finish inside a girl, PE became their issue - the exact same order as you.

    Thanks pointing out the importance of dewiring AND rewiring. I think in my current flatline state, I don't know if i'd even be able to rewire if I wanted to. Dead dick, black circles around eyes, brittle hair, acne and such - yeah rewiring is a bit of a long shot right now lol.

    My main goal is getting rid of my PIED. I'd say brainfog and anhedonia/emotional numbness is still there but it is definitely a lot more manageable and nowhere as bad as before. It's just really frustrating that I can't have sex or even be intimate because of my PIED, and despite being 27 months in I'm just sitting in another flatline with no idea on when it will lift, or if when it lifts ill be back to normal. My joints have also being clicking like crazy over the past 1-2 weeks, so hearing that yourself and @Freeddom_Taker are experiencing the same puts my mind at ease.

    Final questions from me if that's ok:
    • Do you remember on average how long your flatlines lasted
    • When the flatlines finally ended did you notice any improvements? Such as erection quality/morning wood
    • Did you wake up one day and find that your PIED had disappeared or was it more of a gradual improvement
    Thanks
     
  4. Legacy of Lost Soul

    Legacy of Lost Soul Fapstronaut

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    Hi Mentorr,

    thats a very encouraging reading! I hope I will go thru the similar process as you have described here. It would make sense, that what I face now is just another step to conquer.
    My refactory is not that long, in a sense I COULD have sex after ejaculation in maybe few hours or a day, but it would kill me afterwards :)

    I hope your health gets better. Its impossible to give any advice to you, on what you should do (continue in hard mode or try to have sex with female) - only advice is, do what you feel like is right. Your body knows, listen to it. To lift the flatline, for me, it thru sex tho. I did it few times. I remember few years back, I get a new girl in bed, and I had to have a orgasm to get my dick back to life. I was embarrasing one, as I was almost soft and still came all of sudden, but what ever. If it was beneficial to me, I dont know. I still think 27 months is a LONG time, and not sure if that is leading anywhere. There must be some ballance? But really, I HAVE NO IDEA, its your body, your knowledge.

    Ad the questions:
    All my major streaks 200 and 300+ ended by me getting horny in the summer. So that was end of flatline. My dick was not exactly ready after 1st 200 days streak, that was the situation Ive described above. Still by using it, it woke up..

    Yes, I had more morning wood. And the sex was (at least at some part) better than before it. Maybe not the 1st attempt, but soon Ive seen I do better than last year.

    Gradual improvement, which is going on every year! Im still in process 5 years after. - BUT thats also thanks to rewiring, I know it. Every new woman I get, its better, I get more used to my dick working, so I dont worry that much (which is a circle, worry leads to disfunction) - also my longer relationships where I had tons of sex for almost a year, helped. If I was not rewiring, I would NOT be at the recovery rate Im at now. 100% certain!

    ANOTHER TOPIC:

    So I had I believe 2 - 3 months no sex/orgasm now. I felt Im getting interested in getting a girl and started to talk to one yada yada. This weekend I went for a visit, which I kind of thought will end up in sex, which happened.

    1st night I was able to no orgasm and kept my seed.
    1st attempt was not the best (but its not always about a man only, she was emotionally blocked after a split she had 2 YEARS ago, so the sex energy was not flowing freely) 2nd attempt better, 3rd was great, that was during night and it was really good. Than there was morning, and as I was not fully at my senses and it was even better than everything before, I allowed myself to orgasm in her. My erection was really good at times, surprised. That was today morning.

    Effects:
    - immediately I felt some kind of let down of myself, I started to be mentally tense, felt a bit scared, not confident, weak, I did not want to speak much, as I felt my speaking got impaired. I also stuttered few times.

    But Ive ride it out in a good way and went home. Here I feel like not communicating with anyone, tired but not that bad. I also see in a mirror I look older, its hard to define the changes, but I see it. I also feel like my jaw line got soft :/ My tinnitus went worse. Kind of dont want to do anything.

    I will describe how I feel and look - as the days go on. I HOPE as this will not be that bad, as my last orgasms, because I had few months to recuperate and my body needed a release.

    So this will be a real time descriprion. Hopefully it will not end up in suicidal moods as it happened to me previously. Wish me luck.
     
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2021
  5. blademaster87

    blademaster87 Fapstronaut

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    There's no escape from the fact that ejaculation takes a great toll on the body. You have possibly turned more sensitive to it with all the time abstaining. I think you'll still be going strong in your recovery if you manage to just shake this off.
     
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  6. Legacy of Lost Soul

    Legacy of Lost Soul Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Blade, I agree with that.

    To sum up 1st day after O (which I had after 2 - 3 months of hard mode)

    Its not so far AS bad as it was before but
    - My hands are bit shaky/jittery, that sensation is very unpleasant. But its not to the point its visible.
    - Im very glad I dont have to do much today, esp talk to ppl, Im very tense
    - Feeling kind of stupid :X
    - The anhedonia is not as bad, I enjoyed some things today
    - Willpower is lower
    - Cold shower felt much colder (that happens all the time after O...)
    - My look is not THAT bad but it took a hit
    - Tinnitus is increased but not dramatically
    - Joint discomfort has slightly increased
    - Tendencies to eat junk food (this ALWAYS happen to me - I think its brain craving dopamine?)

    Most of the change is in the mental now. Im shy, not confident etc.. Really looking forward to the moment I feel as good as I had prior the O

    The fact that I was quite loaded and rested after the streak is making it easier, but it takes usually 3 days to reach the bottom for me, so lets hope tommorow does not have some bad surprise.
     
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2021
  7. mentorr

    mentorr Fapstronaut

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    What you said here reminded me of when I first started NoFap 2 years ago, my first streak was immaculate. It was difficult and the initial symptoms were unbearable, but I had less trouble putting myself out there, and saw lots of opportunities to rewiring with girls with no O. After 178 days all of my symptoms lifted, my PIED was gone, and I felt like I was back 100% physically, emotionally and mentally. On that very same day I O'd with a girl purely by chance and slipped back into flatline. Since that O I have been struggling with symptoms and haven't felt the same since. Even now I have no idea if I was actually cured that day, or if the symptoms had just lifted for that one day.

    After speaking to you, I now understand that while I can either sit and wait for my reboot to come to an end, it is likely going to take a lot longer than if I started rewiring with somebody. Recovery is basically a game of risk and reward. By attempting to rewire with women, I think some we risk a) orgasms that slow down our reboot and b) flat out embarrassment from not getting it up. I was really hoping that I could stay in isolation, away from life until I wake up one day and all my symptoms are gone. I'm realising now that I don't know if I am willing to wait that long.

    Thanks Legacy, despite all the threads i've read, I think what you have said here stands out the most.

    Please keep these journals coming (no pressure obviously), really finding these posts beneficial and it would be good to follow your journey and understand your recovery. It really has helped me look at my own recovery in a different way.
     
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  8. Legacy of Lost Soul

    Legacy of Lost Soul Fapstronaut

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    Thank you Mentorr, Im sincerely very happy if I helped you. Even if I made one mans life easier, it was worth to return to these forums.

    Now Im at the part (48h after O) where there is nothing good to write. I suffer. But I will go thru. Will not post daily updates as that would feel like putting salt in my own wounds. Orgasm is a dangerous game for me. Still... I think it was not bad decission to have 1 after 3 months. But the price to pay is astronomical, compared to what it gave me (literally 1 minute of relief)

    Anyway, Im REALLY glad if I helped in any way, guess it was ment to happen, for you to read what Ive written here and vice versa.
     
  9. mentorr

    mentorr Fapstronaut

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    @Legacy of Lost Soul just so I can be sure. After you O you immediately begin to experience negative symptoms like lack of confidence etc? But you can get an erection straight after with no problems?

    Do you have that high period after orgasm that sometimes lasts for a day or so, or straight into the negative symptoms?
     
  10. Legacy of Lost Soul

    Legacy of Lost Soul Fapstronaut

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    I felt bad in like 2 minutes with all the consequences like confusion, stuttering, low confidence and feeling stupid. I still feel quite anxious todate, not gonna describe it as it would make me feel angry.

    I have not tried ti have a erection but Im sure I can have it. But I have not noticed morning wood for 2 mornings, but I sleep in a strange way so Im not sure....

    Did not have any high... or maybe slight for a day, yes.. but its covered in those other negative feelings which are much stronger.

    All and all, its hard and I just try to push thru it. Some symptoms are getting worse each day, some get better. But overall, I feel really bad now on 3rd day. If I compare on how I felt 3 days ago, on 3 months streak, its like going from heaven to hell. Quite a price to pay for 1 minute joy of ejaculation. Worse exchange EVER. If it was a drug, I would not do it ever again. I still think about this... Im a idiot, but I had to try it. This year was a experimentation with Orgasm, and it was hell. Now this was last try, 1 orgasm after 3 months... no thanks! Im out of normal life, cant do much but drone thru
     
    Last edited: Oct 28, 2021
  11. Legacy of Lost Soul

    Legacy of Lost Soul Fapstronaut

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    4 and half days after. The mental issues are the worse of it. I feel angry, disgusted with word and myself, very negative, its draining and painful. Ideas of suicide etc. The bottom. So nothing changed, I felt like this basically after every orgasm I had this year. No matter if it was after 3 months or 3 weeks. Blah... I hope it gets better.

    And this is while the weather is beautiful, I sunbath eventho its cold, I have walks in nature, eat good, excercise... nothing can change the way I feel. Its too powerful for endorfines or sunshine to break thru it. Exactly as before.

    Any idea of the mechanics behind this? What brain chemistry is causing it? Or is it depletion of kidneys? Cchi energy? Depression (but why)?

    The mental suffering gets worse every day since the Orgasm. How is it possible? I have it like this always. Than it will get better after 1st week and after 14+ days I will be almost ok. Than I get better and better.. I know this process too well. Its not normal. Orgasm with a woman shoukd reward me, not make me suicidal and suffering like a dog

    ....
     
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2021
  12. mentorr

    mentorr Fapstronaut

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    @Legacy of Lost Soul I think the symptoms certainly do link to the health/chi of the kidneys. I have heard it said many times by Eastern doctors. Random question from me, do you work out at all, or even are you a man of supplementation?
     
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  13. Gavalar09

    Gavalar09 Fapstronaut

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    @Legacy of Lost Soul Do you think you can rewire to someone and then if they go away for a while you can end up in a flatline?
     
  14. Legacy of Lost Soul

    Legacy of Lost Soul Fapstronaut

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    I think it might be a case. Strange that the more I abstine from sex, the worse it gets. I go for a walks, I dont go to gym, I do some light excercise outside. I do very cold showers for some years. Duri g summer I swim. Supplements... no. Just vitamin A B C D.. tried Zinc.. magnesium.. ended with just the vitamins and healthy food. I dont drink, smoke, dont do drugs...
     
  15. Legacy of Lost Soul

    Legacy of Lost Soul Fapstronaut

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    Like if they go shopping? Or for a holidays? Or they are gone for ever? Not sure I get it... also "rewiring to someone" is what?
     
  16. Gavalar09

    Gavalar09 Fapstronaut

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    As in I stopped watching porn and seemed to have rewired to my girlfriend.

    She went away this last week. My dick was fine but the minute she left for holiday it became numb, lifeless and couldn't get hard at all. We had sex about 4 times a week before she left and I've been fine for the last year as in recovered from PIED.

    Don't get why I've fell into flatline as if my dopamine had fried because she went away...
     
  17. Legacy of Lost Soul

    Legacy of Lost Soul Fapstronaut

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    Oh I know now... this is a strange case, Ive indeed read all your posts. Ppl operate with the term "flatline" so much but whats the deffinition? What is specifically wrong with u? Because.. why should your dick be hard, when u are alone at home? I dont really understand what you are stressing about. U slipped, jacked one off... so give it a week and recuperate. How long is she gone already and when will she return?
     
  18. Gavalar09

    Gavalar09 Fapstronaut

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    So flatline is basically a period of zero libido during the reboot.

    So she went away last Saturday. We had sex the Friday night, I used no pills and felt very horny. Ever since she left, my dick has been numb, I've had no libido and can't get hard on my own.

    She is back tomorrow.
     
  19. Wait when she come back and see....
     
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  20. Legacy of Lost Soul

    Legacy of Lost Soul Fapstronaut

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    Ok so today is almost 9 days since that O and I start to feel normal. Ufff....

    Ive noticed the morning wood is really decreased the whole time, there is some but nowhere near the beastmode I used to have.

    My libido is quite low, most likely would awaken if needed, but its deffo on hold.

    So its quite reasonable to say that Im in the flatline.

    Man... thats not how I was imagining it when I started years ago ,)

    Anyway, I still learn. I somehow think what is happening to me is not depleted kidneys. Because I dont have any symptoms of ill kidneys, Ive read about it. There are ppl with basically shut kidneys and I doubt they all suffer after the orgasm, because if they were, there would be some info about it.

    I think what is happening is my body telling me to not ejaculate, for some other reason. Maybe its my destiny. Maybe my body realized how awesome it feels on semen retention and does not really like the sudden changes.

    I think I will respect it and see where it takes me
     
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