Has anyone lived their fetishes out, only to be left disappointed?

It seems like you are doing everything possible to try and justify to yourself why you want to become a sissy.

Dude. Sissys are depressed, self-hating people who have wired their sexual pleasure to self degradation. They live for that quick shock that the get when they are deathgripping themselves, putting all of their energy into acting like a pornstar. Everytime they hate themselves more and more. You have spent so much time watching girls in porn getting degraded in all those extreme ways, that you have convinced yourself that you want to be that girl. Many have had this problem, but ALL of them know that it isn't right, and isn't what they truly want. But you keep trying to justify why becoming a sissy is the best thing for you.

Ask yourself, WHY. Why do you want to be a sissy, since you clearly really want to, and you're just waiting for someone to tell you that you should do it, so at least you don't assume full responsibility for the shit that will follow if you decide to take that step. So why? Why do you want to be a sissy? What do you get out of it? What happens before you initiate this act, what happens during the act, and what happened after the act? How do you feel in each of those situations?

How long can you justify sucking another dudes dick before you realise that its actually not what you thought it would be at all? How long can you justify getting fucked in the ass before you realise that it actually hurts and doesn't exactly please you at all? How are you going to make up for that, make more pornstar noises? Do some of those fake, over the top moans that all your favourite porn ACTORS do? And then what? What happens when you ejaculate during one of these scenarios, and you come back to your senses? You'll probably feel absolutely disgusted with yourself, but you're in too deep now to stop. Just gotta supress every natural feeling in your body that is telling you to stop, and continue living that mission of becoming the most self-degraded sissy in the world.

Is that really what you want? Do you really want to go against who you are, throw away your entire life, and make your lifes purpose to become a fucking sissy? Your lifes purpose is to degrade and humiliate yourself as much as possible. If thats the case then all I can say is that out of all the 7 billion people in the world that I could have been, thank FUCK that I am not you.

 

At some point you have to put the brakes on your addiction. I'm not even going to call it a fetish at this point. You say you use it to feel safe and grounded, the way you describe it sounds more like distracted. You're escaping into a fantasy world, fueled by dopamine associated with sexual thrill. You're an S addict, where it manifests with solo sissy play, just like I was/am an S addict where it manifests with P and obsession. You have to at least slow it down. You're talking about escalating though, you want to do it more, and you're telling yourself it'll stop before it gets too serious/dangerous for you but it won't. You're idolizing sissies, you're fantasizing about becoming that, and it's always going to take a little more to get the same hit, then a little more, then a little more, and you'll be deeper and deeper in it, and sooner or later you're either going to find the line you can't cross and you're going to wake up and ask yourself what you've done, or you're going to go mad with depression. It doesn't end any other way.

Do what @WildEntheology says. Get a therapist specializing in S addiction.

 

You do have to distract yourself, because this is distracting you from your life. Like @WildEntheology said, it's rooted in a real desire for safety. You've convinced yourself this fetish is the ideal place, but it is only going to breed more dissatisfaction.

And you need to stop with the acting out in the posts. You don't quit your addiction by romanticizing it. It sucks that gender norms in the West have somehow decreed that men's clothes aren't comfortable or particularly attractive. It's Beau Brummel's fault, guy was a tool, but that's beside the point. Porn, for me, was a life sucking leech. In some ways I want to say my addiction wasn't as advanced as yours, because I didn't escalate into the same places and my use, according to some, was "managed" in acceptable amounts, and I didn't glorify it the way you do. On the other hand, I actively wanted to die. P was the only thing that gave me relief from the awful, miserable, drudgery of common existence, but for me, P was causing that awful drudgery. I had to go through a time, several weeks, where I was sore and cranky and didn't see any real improvement in my feelings, I had to act on faith that P was wrong and I even made peace with the possibility that I would feel that wretched forever but I still wasn't going to look at P. And it did eventually get better. I haven't had suicidal thoughts in a couple months now, nothing consistent anyway.

You love your fetish, and it's eating you from the inside and making you miserable when you do anything but indulge it. You have to stop.

There's a lot of people here who are thoughtfully, kindly trying to help. Please listen to them, for your own sake.

 

@I Hate PMO : okay, I’ve read through this thread (and some of your other threads) and let me share some tough love.

Context: I crossdress. I enjoy anal. I’m heteroflexible. But the important thing is that I don’t spend all day obsessing about it, thinking things would better only if... only if... only if...

There is a hole you are trying to fill with the nylon fetish, with your goal of sissyfication, and your other named pursuits in your head. I guarantee you that the hole will not be filled with that. You can enjoy those activities, for sure. But you think it will be fulfilling. But it won’t be. The fact you say you find life boring tips me off to the idea that you are generally surfing a wave of missing something in your life. That hole is probably going to be filled by something *else* that you’re overlooking because of your fixation on “things will be better whe I can live my weekends as a sissy” and brother, it won’t be like that. Because you’ll have missed seeing that *other* thing all along in your pursuit of an alternate lifestyle.

We’re all trying to help. It’s not an issue of what you’re interested in. It’s the fixation that is leading you astray.

 

It doesn't matter how old you are, for your needs not getting met, to experience pain or other things that would cause someone wanting to escape reality. Especially at age 6.
That being said, maybe you just like it and thats that. But it became addictive.

Thats not the tricky part, thats you rationalizing why you couldn't just stop it for while and especially get rid of your porn addiction. Keep at it, kick the habit as have many before you and if you still wanna wear nylons afterwards, by all means do it. Just make sure to listen to enough Gorgoroth afterwards jk, much love bro!

 

Wow, I read the whole thread and the OP is almost like I am/I was.
Though I'm in my 30's.

I joined this forum just to reply to this thread.
I'm fighting this fetish since ever and feel like I'm expert on this topic lol.

My only advice to OP is to keep doing NoFap and trying to occupy the mind with something else that he enjoys.
It's not easy to fight fetish like this one, but it something that must be done.
In my opinion, the OP also should try to find a girlfriend and maintain a healthy relationship with her. I think it will help him a lot.

Spoiler: May be triggering

The OP also could try and wear pantyhose and see that it's nothing special... though I wouldn't recommend it but I heard about some people that it helped them.

 

Finally

Welcome to the good life

 

Thats the attitude.
You will experience that your thoughts about this will get a lot clearer after a while as you keep away from porn and I bet that after a few months it won't even excite you anymore as you find out how much potential there is in you and what this world can offer besides sex.
It's a wonderful process, you can do it!

 

Might be worth getting some therapy to work over your aunty touching you when you’re 4 though dude! Luckily I got that feeling climbing a gym rope! And yea some of us will be a lot more sexually aroused as kids. But these deep kinks and coping mechanisms we have are hard to get rid of if we Pursue them. Trust me I wish I’d never started with the porn let alone femdom stuff because it can always get worse!

 

Good.

Have you tried talk to other girls?

 

If that's what you want then it's okay, i guess.
Why do you think that they will destroy your life?