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Sex during nofap

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Wotan, Oct 21, 2021.

  1. Wotan

    Wotan Fapstronaut

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    Hey Folks,
    im right now at day 16/30 and it goes fine, though I met a woman and sex will be inevitable…not that I’m against it though I’m concerned how it will play out.
    Please some advice from them ones, that had similar experiences or any advice on how to handle blue balls before a woman.


    Edit: I’ll give an update how it went after 30 days and after having (hopefully no blue balls) O with named woman

    final edit:
    30/30 successful :)))
    the woman has to figure stuff out, was in a relationship 2 month prior, and she seemed really interested but not ready in my eyes, too.

    I'm back at "handling" but plan the next 2 weeks of abstinence.
    I will just make more use of nofap phases and go the road step by step. each time further away from self sabotage.

    overall I had an inspiring experience with my 30 days and transformed once more nearer to the person I want to be.
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2021
  2. Improv3r

    Improv3r Fapstronaut

    Something I learned by doing one night stands and even with my girlfriends before - don't be afraid of who you are, or get scared of how the other would react if you ejaculate quickly. I mean there's always a second and a third time right? You just take a break for 5-10 min and do it again who cares! You can even reassure her that if you climax quick you will be in top form again in a record time if you are so concerned of her reaction. I find it extremely calming and natural to talk about it instead of being afraid or constantly thinking about the other. You are you and you are the most important for yourself when you think about it.

    For the blue balls - you might wanna get sexual as soon as you can instead of edging only with kisses and touches during the early stages of the relationship. It's just biology and the more blue balls you have the worse it will feel because that's excess semen stored. It wants out and if she is cool she will understand. Just don't relapse. I remember with one of my ex she kissed me only without giving me sex for awhile and I had massive blue balls that hurt like hell so I had to relapse constantly due to the pain. Now that I think about it it was a mistake. I shouldn't have put up with it and furthermore shouldn't have fapped at all and let the pain go away on its own. Nevertheless we aren't together now so you do you like I said. Good luck mate!

    EDIT: Btw excess semen in blue balls is not particularly healthy. One, two times if it happens is fine but if it tends to happen multiple times in a short span it's not so healthy. So if the pain really gets unbearable you can get one off but just don't do it to porn. Do it with just your imagination!
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2021
  3. Wotan

    Wotan Fapstronaut

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    @Improv3r
    Thanks for taking the time, great advice! :)
    I’ll take it to heart and her to bed asap.
     
    Improv3r likes this.
  4. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    The only way to handle blue balls is avoiding them... aka.. not dating this woman.
    If you date her and you don't O you are probably going to get blue balls, theres no turn around from that and is going to happen to you a lot thru life.
    Enjoy sex with a real person, avoid porn. That's it.
     
    Wotan likes this.
  5. Wotan

    Wotan Fapstronaut

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    @p1n1983
    Thanks for the advice!
    My goal is a healthy relationship with a woman, so dating is on the table.
    Though I’ll watch out carefully for blue balls and avoid them :emoji_four_leaf_clover:
    I talk to her openly and will also explain my state of being regarding nofap.
     
  6. Improv3r

    Improv3r Fapstronaut

    - I would hold on to that chief! She doesn't need to know plus you don't know how she will react to this! If she is cool it's fine but she may also turn this against you down the line. Keep this to yourself! She may never understand this movement, your purpose for doing it, nor why you are putting up with it. Let her see the effects of how better you are by just feeling you on her own.

    Letting her know of a quick climax is one thing but being on NoFap is another... plus you JUST met her!
     
    Wotan likes this.
  7. Wotan

    Wotan Fapstronaut

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    @Improv3r
    Hm you may be right about that I just met her. I’ll wait then, thanks for this one :)
    Though ultimately if she would use it against me I would discard the contact honestly.
    If I can’t trust in a partner, wether it’s “only” sex or a relationship, I wouldn’t bother any longer with said person.
     
    AtoZed and Improv3r like this.
  8. Be honest about your nofap commitment. Tell the girl. If she knows you can more easily avoid blue balls.

    If you don't it's simply you choosing the possibility of getting laid over fulfilling your commitment to overcoming a self destructive behavior.

    No judgment, much love, I wish you luck brother.
     
    Wotan likes this.
  9. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    What exactly are you worried about? Are you worried that once you begin having sex again you're gonna get blue-balls?

    I've been doing reboots for 3 years to recover from severe PIED and some terrible fetishes. Recovery has gone great, and I've been having sex pretty regularly throughout them entire recovery period (except during reboots). I can probably give some good advice but I'm unsure exactly what you're asking lmao
     
    Wotan likes this.
  10. Wotan

    Wotan Fapstronaut

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    that was one of my concerns as well, but actually I’m not really horny nor are the 30 days difficult. I actually do it to meet woman and have positive encouraging encounters.
    But I planned to get my 30/30 anyways. Just planned to go for the southern lights right afterwards.
    And of course I’d tell her at a certain point, but it wasn’t met yet.
     
  11. Wotan

    Wotan Fapstronaut

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    yea my first post wasn’t that clear, my bad:emoji_grimacing:
    Very cool to hear your way with nofap/Pied!

    I wasn’t sure how to handle the pressure both physical and emotional after having gathered all them potential babies.
    So my question is: how to handle nofap and needs whilst dating and having sex on the lookout?
     
  12. Wotan

    Wotan Fapstronaut

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    love and luck your way too man ✌
    Constructive critic always welcome :)
     
  13. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Ok so the goal is to never go back to porn. Most people relapse, it's totally fine and expected, as long as you're recovering. But let's just assume you're never going to watch porn again.

    What about masturbation? It's obviously not allowed during a reboot, but what about afterwards? Porn and masturbation are so linked up in your brain that even if you reboot, masturbating can reignite the neural connections in your mind related to porn. These connections can die off over time, but this is thought to take years. On that note, let's assume for the foreseeable future, you will not be masturbating at all.

    What about flirting and dating. These are are totally ok to do, and are actually encouraged during your reboot! Socializing and dating release hormones that block dopamine, the neurotransmitter that gives you cravings for porn. Dating and flirting are great ways to get out your sexual energy in a positive way. NoFap and YBOP were made to help guys see how porn was affecting their lives, help them get unhooked, and replace their porn usage with positive activities. Those are the positive activities you want to replace porn usage with! At least one of them anyway.

    What about sexy times and pleasure with a gf or fuckbbuddy? While these activities are what we're aiming for, engaging in some of them too early will slow your recovery, and possibly even halt it. Porn and pleasure are very linked in your mind. The point of the reboot is to unlink these two. What happens in your brain is the neurons that connect your desires for porn and the feelings of pleasure literally shrivel up and die. Pretty metal! However, this process takes a while. It's unknown what the timeframe is for everyone, but 90 days of a hard mode reboot usually does the trick for even the worst porn abusers. So for the 90 days of your reboot, you should refrain from any penile stimulation or other stimulating acts, with and without a partner. This includes the obvious ones of sex, BJs, and HJs. Anything that stimulates any erogenous zones should be abstained from, including sensual massages, forceful grinding while dancing/making out, and stimulating of any other erogenous zones on your body (nipples, perineum, asshole, etc.). The point of the reboot is to refrain from anything pleasurable to kill the neurons wired to porn, so if anything pleasures you, don't do it!

    What about things that are sexy or arousing but don't involve my penis? Everything else is highly encouraged! Kissing, hugging, and cuddling are all fantastic ways to reduce urges and reinforce positive connections in your brain while rebooting. Don't be pleading with people to makeout or cuddle, but if you have a girlfriend or a date who wants you to come over, some face-smashing and cuddling is absolutely the way to go.

    Something a lot of guys get worried about is disappointing girls who want to have sex while rebooting. Don't worry about this at all. If you're putting yourself out there like you want to hookup then you might get some sour responses, but if you're dating or just flirting around and end up in bed with someone, saying you're taking a break from sex/BJs for a while but would be totally down to do anything else is totally fine. First of all, no one should be pressured into sex lmao. Secondly, not having sex with a girl you're literally in bed with shows a lot of maturity, independence, and self-control. Girls love that shit. The ladies I've said that to after dates have always been really impressed and way more into me. Along with saying you're taking a little break from sex and pleasure to "realign" yourself, saying you'd like to do some more "normal" hangouts/activities and get to know them more before having sex makes girls suuuper into you. I waited like a month between the time my current girlfriend asked me to have sex and when we actually did it for the first time, and she still tells me about how horny that made her. I always say I'm down to finger them or eat them out, but a lot of them decide to wait with me? I say they don't have to feel bad that I won't let them do anything on me, but some still decide to wait. This drives up the sexual tension sooo much and when you finally get to it, she's gonna want you so bad.

    i had good timing with my current girlfriend because when she asked to have sex, I was 60 days into my reboot, leaving 30 left, so I just told her I was taking a break from sex and wanted to hang out more before doing it with her. Totally turned up the tension and made her way more fun when hanging out. Around day 90 we went on a super fun date in the park and she was super handsy, so when I walked her home I just asked to come inside and the rest is history. Great first time with her, the tension and intensity set the bar really high for sex in our relationship lmao, and we've kept it up.

    But not everyone gets that lucky. You might have a gf when rebooting, and a girl you went a date on really wants your face in her crotch. Again, it is is totally fine AND encouraged to go to town. From a rebooting perspective, focusing on your partner's pleasure is a great way to realign your brain's idea of sex and pleasure. PMO focused the physical sensations of pleasure on your penis, but concentrating on your partner helps your mind get around more holistically by sex. The more you pleasure your partner, the easier you get aroused by seeing them aroused and having a good time, which makes sex much more enjoyable and connective. Removing the idea of pleasure focused around your penis also helps you "forget" about your dick when you start having sex. If you constantly think about your dick and how hard it is during sex, it usually softens up and doesn't feel good. If you're always focused on your partner and their body, you think about your dick less, it does it's job, stays really hard, and feels so fucking good.

    From a practical standpoint, going down on and manually stimulating different girls all the time just makes you like really good at those things haha. Girls and their vaginas are really tricky boxes to figure out sometimes, and experience is your best tool. Putting in a lot of hours in the trenches is great relationship capital to have. Every girl is different, but there are similarities between all of them, so if you combine past knowledge with trial and error on your current girl, you can be an absolute orgasm machine. Also, the muscles in your hands and lips/face/tongue that are good for getting girls off are typically not the strongest or most enduring, so practicing really makes em stronger. The easiest way to get girls off is find one thing they really like and keep doing it, but licking/curling your hand for 5 minutes straight at the same pace/strength can be really fucking exhausting. Better practice as much as you can so when you meet your forever girl you have everything she needs.

    Once your reboot is over, time to start having sex. The overlying theme I can say is "If it feels good, keep doing it. If it doesn't, then stop". Rebooting clears most of your mind of the idea of pleasure, so even if you're inside a girl, your brain may not know it's supposed to feel good. After my first reboot, sex felt very biological and "messy", kinda like sneezing or pooping; orgasms felt good, but more intense than anything else. I also wasn't super hard the whole time; we had to stick to missionary and "flat iron" because they were the only two where she was tight enough but my dick could still follow a straight path. Over time though, as we kept having sex, my brain realized it was really fucking good, and I got harder and more sensitive each time. In just 6 weeks of having sex twice a week, I went from 6/10 erections that felt barely better than pooping when orgasming (if I did before 25 minutes of sex) to being so hard my penis would feel like it was going to pop and sometimes cumming in just 2 minutes. I was able to get that under control, but that's for another time. Remember to focus on your partner, not worry about your dick, and enjoy the moment. Just be happy and not overthink it, and your mind will adjust and make it feel better each time.

    This is getting long so I'll just talk about blue balls then call it. They suck. No way around it. They're caused when your dick, balls, and pelvic area are filled with blood during arousal. In a normal orgasm cycle, after ejaculating, your brain sends signals to the balls and penis to "squeeze" out the extra blood. If you don't orgasm, this doesn't happen, and the blood stays there. If it stays too long, it loses its oxygen and darkens. Proteins in deoxygenated blood make the surrounding area sore, so that's why it hurts. The same exact process happens when you get a bruise. You will experience this, but it does get better over time; your body doesn't like to feel pain, so it eventually stops doing this lmao. I do not get blue balls anymore except if I am on the brink of orgasm and it doesn't happen, which is extremely rare. There are things you can do in the moment and beforehand to prevent blue balls. Exercise is the main one. When you work out your legs and core, blood is sucked away from your dicks and balls to replenish the exercising areas, which makes the pain go away. Running is the best for doing this, but walking is good too, especially if the pain is bad. Additionally, if you have a consistent workout program with long distance running, lower body resistance workouts, and a variety of core exercises, your body will be more efficient in general at recycling blood in and out of that area. Results take some time to come through, but they last much longer. With enough NoFap and exercise, your body will either stop getting blue balls or reduce their intensity. I pretty much don't get them anymore

    Wow that was a lot already aha. Let me know if you have other questions! Hope this helped haha
     
    goodnice 2.0, plathsbaby8 and Wotan like this.
  14. Wotan

    Wotan Fapstronaut

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    First off all, just wow and thanks!
    Even if it was long I didn’t notice because I soaked it up like a sponge :D
    Im at day 28/30 and maybe will do 50 than maybe 70 to possibly 90.
    I definitely plan on doing more sport for my overall health, also some ice bathing a la Wim Hof in the Winter :emoji_snowflake:
    And for a potential woman on my side, doesn’t work out right now..the one I met was too fresh out of a relationship and needed more time, maybe we talk again futurewise. But I won’t put my mind for now on a maybe :)

    questions:
    How did you come to find a Friggbuddy?
    And what does ybop mean?

    also concrats on your healthy relationship, very inspiring. :emoji_muscle:Hope to find something alike for meself. :emoji_soon:
     
    modernstore99 likes this.
  15. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Your Brain on Porn (YBOP) is the best place to find information on porn addiction and how to recover. Here are some key articles, but explore that site as much as you can.

    Start here for an overview of key concepts

    Porn FAQs

    Articles

    Are my sexual problems (ED, DE, low libido) related to my porn use?

    What do experts tell young guys suffering from ED (the good & the bad)

    see rebooting basics page

    What benefits do people see as they reboot?

    Will stopping porn solve my problems?

    As for finding a frickbuddy or girlfriend, me or anyone else can you give advice or guidance, but the best thing to do is just go out there, experiment, and find successful methods for yourself. Get off your computer and talk to people in the real world (not trying to criticize or be harsh haha, just how it is). Go places where you see more women in your dating group than men.

    If you're looking for ways to meet girls, depending where you live, Tinder, Bumble, and other "swipe" type apps could work. They're best in cities and college towns. OKCupid and Hinge are good for more mature people under the age of 30, and the older you get, the better chances you'll have with older websites like eHarmony and Match.com. If you live in rural areas or places that aren't very financially solvent, just because of economics, there's just going to be less available women. If you live in places where it's easier for women to work and climb the financial ladder (cities and working suburbs), you're just going to have better chances mathematically.

    Otherwise, you're just going to have to meet girls in your community or friends of friends. If you don't have a large community with plenty of dating eligible women or lots of social media followers, you're just going to have way less chances and opportunities for connection.

    In the end though, you need to get outside and try to meet people, whether its men for friends or women for partners. Join clubs, go to bars, go to parties, just get outside. It can be scary, but when I'm feeling nervous about going to bars or parties, I pretend it's my job to socialize, meet people, and even flirt. It may feel fake and awkward, but other people can't tell, and they'll invite you back where you can have private or 1-1 convos, which are so much easier. It may be extreme, but if you're just in an area where you can't socialize with new people or meet new women, you might want to consider moving. It can be uncomfy and scary, but it could be necessary for moving your life forward.
     
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  16. Wotan

    Wotan Fapstronaut

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    @modernstore99
    thanks again for your insights :)
    I use tinder for a while now and when covid will loosen its grip i will socialize def more.
    I moved recently in a new apartment and i feel some difference regarding my social/dating life, though ultimately i want to travel the world (again covid exists :/)
    The world tour will guide me to many more facets of myself and i think also to more possible partners.

    best of life buddy :emoji_v:
     
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