Desperate times for the unlucky few

Your life has meaning. Don't discount yourself.

Every interaction you have, every moment you share with others affects people. Love provides an attachment, but you can affect people everyday. You create your value based on how you respond to your daily decisions.

 

I'm struggling myself.

I too, had plenty of friends in the past. Today, less than a few and mostly they live in other places. Intellectually we know its entirely possible to get new friends - people do that all the time in adult life. Yet beaten down by self-doubt and anxiety it is real hard to make the first moves. Some kind of depression results.

In a way I think sex kind of has too much weighting in the thinking (that is why I guess most of us are on this site).
Can you have a fulfilled successful life without it? Yes, that is so, although it is a trick of the brain to try and convince you it is not so.

I too feel properly disillussioned with shit, and this isn't healthy as it makes me weak for PMO.

If you want to change, also your mindset has to change.

 

Sounds like you've been listening to Rollo Tomassi and Aaron Clarey. The red pill is destructive of our illusions. What each of us does as they are exposed is up to us. High value men get all the girls while the rest get scraps if anything at all. Welcome to the new world. Transform yourself into a high value man or leave the game behind. I don't see any other options.

 

how about living your life?
I truly don't see what this "becoming a high value male" stuff is all about.
Sounds like overcompensating for guys with low self-esteem to me.
I think most guys should start having a better relationships with themselves before wanting to "improve",
implying that you can't value what you already are enough.

 

This sounds like splitting hairs or quibbling over language. The exact nature of the distinction between high value and low value men is open for discussion. That such a distinction exists, and that both women and men prefer one to the other, strikes me as self evident. Perhaps status is a better word than value but I imagine you’d post the same objection. Self improvement and living life aren’t mutually exclusive. Done right they are one in the same.

 

I’ve felt like this before, actually quite a lot of times. All it takes is one girl to stick though. It could happen any day really, things randomly happen sometimes.

 

Maybe I'm misunderstanding. Self-esteem and status are not the same. Usually they are related, but not always. You can have a pretentious narcissist who is not successful in life. At all. And you can have a super successful person (financially, physically, etc.) with little to no self esteem or self concept. I believe what E31 is stating is that you should focus on the self-esteem component over the status component. Which I would agree, though there could be some healthy debate. After all, there are women who find confident yet poor or physically unattractive guys "attractive" <insert any sort of Romeo and Juliet Rom Com here> and women who find successful yet suppressive or abusive guys "attractive" (e.g. gold diggers). Is there a wide spectrum? Absolutely. The perfect male would be high status with good self esteem who treats a woman like a human being, not a trophy (clearly an opinion, of which we are all entitled to our own).
But if I had to choose between the two, I would vote for the value placed on self and having others respect me for the value I place on myself rather than trying to create a potentially false sense of value in finances, physical attractiveness, etc. Easier said than done? Absolutely. But like I said, you can woo women either way. It all depends on the type of woman you're after. But my guess is most women want a man who can care for them emotionally as well as financially, with the heavier emphasis on the emotional. And how do you create emotional care? By having a high self worth and understanding that can pull others out of the pit of despair. How do you suffer? Most women want a man who can suffer well. Who can weather the storm. Finances, physique, etc. speak nothing into these things. They don't help you in stressful times as much as self esteem and self efficacy. However, those other things can help, as well.
Long post, and I apologize. But I do not see them as the same.

 

But for the OP, I would say that you have plenty of worthwhile experiences and qualities that many women would find attractive. Starting your own business and creating a life that you ENJOY is awesome! Joy is contagious. And most people want to hang around a joyful person. So, the question becomes: what do women place value on? You can see the previous post for my vote. And I don't see women as being nearly as promiscuous and shallow as men. But I could be sadly mistaken. It is just my opinion.

 

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I think about some of the mistakes I've made in the past and all I can do is cringe.

I'm in a similar situation. A lot of my past friends have done moved on with their lives in various ways. The few real life friends that I have left are more or less like me. They're in their early 30s, unmarried and childless, just like me.

 

My sense of self worth is connected to my sense of social position and personal accomplishment. For me those things can't be disentangled. Maybe others are different, but I doubt it. Maybe women don't care about those things, but I doubt that too. The guy is not wrong, you should just live your life. But if your life is primarily composed of porn, video games, and a job you don't like you should adjust your expectations accordingly. Either that or get down to the hard work of ongoing self-development I am always going on about.

 

And yet this doesn't stop you. It didn't stop me. It doesn't stop any of us. More often than not the feelings of regret and resolve to change are just part of the addiction cycle. I think it is an open question as to what exactly it is that has to happen for a person to finally start taking the right actions that create traction in a life outside that cycle. Having put together half a year without porn for the first time since I was 13 (I am 38 now) I am still not sure exactly what it is that I did different. In fact, the real catalyst seems to have been external as I was forced by circumstances to acknowledge that my failures with women were part of a much larger pattern of behavior in my life. All I can say for sure is that I saw how porn was clouding the underlying realities of my actions and their results. Worse than clouding, projecting illusions that I believed were real. It is my sincerest hope that everyone on this board succeeds in breaking the cycle and changing their lives. That's why I post. That and it helps me see things more clearly for myself as I watch others play out the exact same patterns I did.

 

Legit. I do think they are generally closely related. But there are times when they deviate. And your drive is very commendable--I'm sure there are women who would find that very attractive!

Agreed.

 

@Improv3r The benefits I have gotten have come from filling the space I used to fill with porn with other things. Sleep for one. It was not uncommon for me to look at porn until 2am and then show up to work exhausted the next day. I don't know anything about the supposed benefits of semen retention as I am not on hard mode. @modern milarepa is most vocal about his experience with that.

Abandoning porn frees up time to do other things. I think its how each of us uses that free time that makes the difference.

@HitB I'll think on that. I appreciate your support. If I ever find one of those women I am sure it will start coming through in my posts.

 

It's literally been years since I've seen the post (probably 2015-2016), but there was a post by Underdog (or something like that...I don't remember the username) (and it may have been posted even earlier than that, but people kept referring to it). It was titled something like "NoFap won't fix your shitty life." I found that post very insightful. I couldn't find it right away, otherwise I would post it here (I'm feeling lazy, or drunk, or both...and don't care to look for it). In my opinion, you actually do change. Perhaps not due to NoFap, per se, but because you are committing to improving your life. Which in turn allows you to pursue more worthwhile endeavors outside of porn. Are there NoFap "superpowers?" I am doubtful actually. There could be, don't get me wrong. But I think the true value of NF is that it redirects your time and energy elsewhere, to more productive and worthwhile pursuits. And the more you improve, the less inclined you are to "escape" into PMO. There were times that I would spend literally hours a day (up to 4, I think) on PMO. Waste of time and life, my friend. Pursue something worthwhile. Don't throw your life away. Learn skills. Use them to solve problems in the world. Make the world a better place. Etc. You got this. Don't stop believin' <cues Journey's Don't Stop Believin'>

 

Not sure I'm catching all you're throwing down, but I think I got the gist of it. I definitely think there's a placebo effect. I think that believing your life will get better causes you to act in ways that will make your life better...thereby making your life better (even if it's just being more attuned to the ladies and their perception of you). In terms of worthwhile pursuits, not all worthwhile pursuits need social interaction. Meditation for example. Heck, if I had several hours to burn, I'd meditate. People go on these weekend meditation retreats where all they do is meditate. For hours on end. It's insane, but it helps them. Altered Traits is a good book on meditation and it's benefits. I'd recommend it to anyone. You can also start an online business. Or learn any skill. YouTube is a treasure trove of knowledge. Hell, learn to juggle. Pick up some rocks and juggle. Any motor skill actually. Learn to ride a unicycle. The possibilities for worthwhile pursuits outside of PMO are endless. Even in the age of Covid. I can't believe you've done everything, no matter how old you are. There's always uncharted territory. Idk. I don't understand your last paragraph though. May be a little too deep for me. I'm just a simpleton, lol